I nicknamed my daughter Snowflake. I have many reasons for this name. Partly because she was born in winter, but also because a snowflake is a unique and beautiful creation, created by a loving and imaginative God. A snowflake is fragile, and in order to survive it needs to be protected in its designed environment. Also, no two snowflakes are the same. They each have their own design and beauty. Finally, a snowflake is fragile on its own, but it isn't designed to be on its own. Snowflakes are designed for community, to work together.
This describes humans as well. We are each created beautiful by our loving Father. We are fragile and not made to go through this world alone. Life is better lived in community. We need each other. Our friends and family make us stronger, they help us to become the best that we can be.
Today is a rainy day and I LOVE rainy days. Some people may say that it is gloomy, an Eeyore type of day. I find it is reflective. I see the beauty in the rain. The ground needs it. The more rain we get now, the better it will be for our garden this Spring. Rain washes away the dust and brings renewal. Rain gives me time to reflect on life and to just sit with my little Snowflake and tell her how special she is.
Just like our circumstances can give us time to reflect. It is when we are down that we are the most willing to pause and wonder, to ask the big questions. So, when you get a rainy day, or when you are going through a tough time, don't let it give you the gloomies, but use it to reflect, to wonder, to grow and see the good in it. There is always good, because we serve God and God is good. It may be hard to find the good, to see the benefits, but that just means you gotta keep at it.
-JLP-
Monday, January 23, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
A New Perspective
January 5, 2012 is an important day in my family. It is the day that my husband and I welcomed our daughter into the world. Just 2 weeks ago. It is amazing how many changes have taken place in these 2 weeks. I've gone from being a wife to being a wife AND mommy.
Having my daughter has given me a whole new perspective on life. This little child depends totally on us and the choices that we make, the things we do. Her very survival is not up to her; she can't feed herself, she can't even sit up by herself.
This reminds me of how we as humans, and especially as abuse survivors are. We are totally dependent on the Lord to help us survive. I remember right after my rape how dark the days were. Raped, got pregnant, miscarried. Those were dark days. So dark that I tried to end it all. Yet, the Lord had other plans.
My survival wasn't my choice back then. I tried to leave, but my time here wasn't over, and as I look back I'm very glad. I would have stolen so much joy from myself. Yeah, I would be in Heaven and Heaven is a wonderful place- full of the grace of Christ. Yet, there is still so much joy for me here.
I would have missed out on meeting wonderful friends, times with family. I would have missed out on an amazing marriage with a man that I love more than anything. Also, I wouldn't have been here to give birth and raise my daughter. Only 2 weeks old, but oh so special. Just like God has a plan for my life, He has one for her life.
And, God has a plan for YOUR life. It is a plan for countless numbers of blessings, more smiles and tears of joy than you can imagine. It is a plan for a full life. The path isn't always easy (labor sure wasn't!), and yes there will be dark times, but God wants you to live all your days.
No matter how much pain you are in, no matter how hard it seems to just take the next step, you can do it. Don't cheat yourself out of life. Take the next step, and then the next, and the next, and pretty soon you'll be walking and after that, jogging!
Our lives are designed for joy- ours and to bring joy to the Lord. From a beautiful sunrise, the laughter of our children, a fun movie, a pretty plant, game night with friends, you name it- there is joy and happiness a plenty.
My daughter is already teaching me that even in the hard times, such as being awake in the wee hours, there is joy there. Because we serve the risen Lord, and He is the Light, we will not be in total darkness. There will always be a little light. Giving into the joy makes that light even brighter.
-JLP-
Having my daughter has given me a whole new perspective on life. This little child depends totally on us and the choices that we make, the things we do. Her very survival is not up to her; she can't feed herself, she can't even sit up by herself.
This reminds me of how we as humans, and especially as abuse survivors are. We are totally dependent on the Lord to help us survive. I remember right after my rape how dark the days were. Raped, got pregnant, miscarried. Those were dark days. So dark that I tried to end it all. Yet, the Lord had other plans.
My survival wasn't my choice back then. I tried to leave, but my time here wasn't over, and as I look back I'm very glad. I would have stolen so much joy from myself. Yeah, I would be in Heaven and Heaven is a wonderful place- full of the grace of Christ. Yet, there is still so much joy for me here.
I would have missed out on meeting wonderful friends, times with family. I would have missed out on an amazing marriage with a man that I love more than anything. Also, I wouldn't have been here to give birth and raise my daughter. Only 2 weeks old, but oh so special. Just like God has a plan for my life, He has one for her life.
And, God has a plan for YOUR life. It is a plan for countless numbers of blessings, more smiles and tears of joy than you can imagine. It is a plan for a full life. The path isn't always easy (labor sure wasn't!), and yes there will be dark times, but God wants you to live all your days.
No matter how much pain you are in, no matter how hard it seems to just take the next step, you can do it. Don't cheat yourself out of life. Take the next step, and then the next, and the next, and pretty soon you'll be walking and after that, jogging!
Our lives are designed for joy- ours and to bring joy to the Lord. From a beautiful sunrise, the laughter of our children, a fun movie, a pretty plant, game night with friends, you name it- there is joy and happiness a plenty.
My daughter is already teaching me that even in the hard times, such as being awake in the wee hours, there is joy there. Because we serve the risen Lord, and He is the Light, we will not be in total darkness. There will always be a little light. Giving into the joy makes that light even brighter.
-JLP-
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Good-bye 2011
It is that time again, the time when many of us bloggers feel the need to look over the year, to figure out just what we did with our 365 days. I am no different. It has been an interesting year in my life.
I began the year as a newlywed with less than a month of marriage under my belt, and I end the year anxiously awaiting the birth of our first child! That in itself is a lot, but the pregnancy is not the only event because we do not live in a vacuum.
I've also had to say good-bye to 2 men that I loved and admired. 2 men that were giants in the faith, even though they didn't show up on the national radar. Their impact will be seen by how many souls they helped lead to Heaven, and how many more they mentored and helped grow.
As if that is not enough I've also fought my own battles. Battles with sin and feeling like an inadequate daughter of the King of Kings that I love so dearly. I hate to sin and to fail Him, to know that what I'm doing is wrong, yet not being quite able to overcome the temptation. I hate being weak.
Yet, 2011 has taught me one big lesson to share- I'm not weak. I fail, I give in when I shouldn't, but I'm not weak. I'm strong because of what I've been through in the last 10 years, and because I've finally learned the secret to strength. I've learned the secret is that I can't rely on myself, I have to let the Holy Spirit work through me and within me. I have to use God's strength.
You too can be strong in the Lord. You too can overcome the obstacles, temptations, fears, pain, and loss that you are feeling, but you have to give it all to the Lord and ask for His help. May your 2011 end better than it started and may you start 2012 focused on healing and growing in Christ, for that is how we will live Joyfully After ___________.
-J-
I began the year as a newlywed with less than a month of marriage under my belt, and I end the year anxiously awaiting the birth of our first child! That in itself is a lot, but the pregnancy is not the only event because we do not live in a vacuum.
I've also had to say good-bye to 2 men that I loved and admired. 2 men that were giants in the faith, even though they didn't show up on the national radar. Their impact will be seen by how many souls they helped lead to Heaven, and how many more they mentored and helped grow.
As if that is not enough I've also fought my own battles. Battles with sin and feeling like an inadequate daughter of the King of Kings that I love so dearly. I hate to sin and to fail Him, to know that what I'm doing is wrong, yet not being quite able to overcome the temptation. I hate being weak.
Yet, 2011 has taught me one big lesson to share- I'm not weak. I fail, I give in when I shouldn't, but I'm not weak. I'm strong because of what I've been through in the last 10 years, and because I've finally learned the secret to strength. I've learned the secret is that I can't rely on myself, I have to let the Holy Spirit work through me and within me. I have to use God's strength.
You too can be strong in the Lord. You too can overcome the obstacles, temptations, fears, pain, and loss that you are feeling, but you have to give it all to the Lord and ask for His help. May your 2011 end better than it started and may you start 2012 focused on healing and growing in Christ, for that is how we will live Joyfully After ___________.
-J-
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
The Beauty of Rain
Anyone that knows me knows that I love snow. I turn into a child when it snows. I can sit and watch it snow for hours, and then go outside and play in it till I'm forced to come in. Snow is magical to me. It is fun, tastes good as snowcream, and is very symbolic.
Think about a snowflake. A snowflake is like an individual. It is created by God and is unique. No two snowflakes are exactly the same, just like us. It is fragile, just like we are. We all have our breaking points. Snow is made to be in community. I've been around snow my whole life and I've yet to ever see it snow just 1 flake. Snow comes in bunches, and it is through that community of flakes that snow becomes strong, that it is the blanket that covers the ground and hides things. And yes, just like you and I hide things from others (not everyone needs to see/know everything about us.) snow hides the barrenness of winter.
As much as I love snow, and I can't tell you just how wonderful I find snowy days, I am also learning to love rainy days too. For many people rain means gloomy skies, headaches getting around and just plain frustration. Yet, rain is beautiful.
Rain is refreshing. Rain is necessary for renewal. The rainwater helps keeps the grass green, the trees and plants growing. Rain washes away the dirt, it purifies. Rain is also created and given to us by our Creator. It is just as much a gift as snow is.
While you can't make forts or people out of rain, you can dance in it! What appears gloomy to some can be something you take joy in. Life is about attitude. It is about taking our circumstances and choosing to see the good. That isn't always easy, it takes work sometimes. But, isn't it better to go through life with a good attitude than a bitter one? Bitterness drives away people, joy is infectious and draws people in, and we could all use more friends, more life.
So, what are you going to do? Are you going to go out and dance and see the beauty that can come from today's circumstances, or are you going to let them trap you? When push comes to shoves it comes down to your choice. We can't choose our circumstances (I can't MAKE it snow), but we can choose how we will react.
-JLP-
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Temper Tantrums Can Help
On facebook earlier a friend posted a picture of the promise ring his daughter wears. A promise ring is worn on a girl's wedding finger and is a sign that she has promised herself, her family, the Lord and her future husband that she will remain a virgin till her wedding night.
When I was 16 I made the promise and was given a really pretty Black Hills' gold promise ring. It was that year that I vowed to the Lord to remain pure for my husband. Then, when I was 18 I was raped. I was no longer a virgin, no longer pure. It was not my choice, but it happened.
The next year I chose to start sleeping with my boyfriend. I still wore the ring, because it was pretty. Then, one night a few nights after he (he was my ex at this point) attacked myself and my best friend I looked down at my finger and I took my ring and I threw it across my dorm room.
After that I had a bit of a temper tantrum. I screamed into my pillow, I kicked things, I threw one heck of a fit. I was angry. I was angry that God had let me get raped. I was angry at my ex for attacking us. I was angry at myself for not remaining pure, even after my rape. I was just plain ANGRY.
And you know what, while I might have chosen a better outlet than having a tantrum in my room, I needed to let go. I needed to let my feelings out. I needed to be honest. After, I felt ashamed (a bit, and glad I was alone) but better, because I was beginning to finally admit to myself all my pent up emotions.
Whatever you are going through you need to allow yourself to be honest about your feelings. If you've been abused it is OK to be angry. In fact that is good. Abuse (of any form) is wrong. It shouldn't have happened. It isn't fair, it isn't right. It sucks and it is healthy to be angry that it happened.
Now, it is important not to hurt yourself when you are angry (or others), and throwing things that can break (or hurt someone) is not the best idea, but let yourself go for a bit. I recommend healthy exercise. I find punching bags are quite handy! They are designed to take a beating. And the exercise releases different chemicals that help you feel better (remember we almost all feel better after a good exercise routine).
Don't be afraid of your feelings, they are natural. Own them. Talk to someone. Find a way to release, even if it is to scream into a pillow. The important thing in healing really is honesty and admiting what is going on. It may sound cliche, but it is true. That is the good that came from my tantrum (and yes, I found the ring and I have in a special place to hopefully pass onto my daughter one day).
Take care and know that you are in my prayers.
When I was 16 I made the promise and was given a really pretty Black Hills' gold promise ring. It was that year that I vowed to the Lord to remain pure for my husband. Then, when I was 18 I was raped. I was no longer a virgin, no longer pure. It was not my choice, but it happened.
The next year I chose to start sleeping with my boyfriend. I still wore the ring, because it was pretty. Then, one night a few nights after he (he was my ex at this point) attacked myself and my best friend I looked down at my finger and I took my ring and I threw it across my dorm room.
After that I had a bit of a temper tantrum. I screamed into my pillow, I kicked things, I threw one heck of a fit. I was angry. I was angry that God had let me get raped. I was angry at my ex for attacking us. I was angry at myself for not remaining pure, even after my rape. I was just plain ANGRY.
And you know what, while I might have chosen a better outlet than having a tantrum in my room, I needed to let go. I needed to let my feelings out. I needed to be honest. After, I felt ashamed (a bit, and glad I was alone) but better, because I was beginning to finally admit to myself all my pent up emotions.
Whatever you are going through you need to allow yourself to be honest about your feelings. If you've been abused it is OK to be angry. In fact that is good. Abuse (of any form) is wrong. It shouldn't have happened. It isn't fair, it isn't right. It sucks and it is healthy to be angry that it happened.
Now, it is important not to hurt yourself when you are angry (or others), and throwing things that can break (or hurt someone) is not the best idea, but let yourself go for a bit. I recommend healthy exercise. I find punching bags are quite handy! They are designed to take a beating. And the exercise releases different chemicals that help you feel better (remember we almost all feel better after a good exercise routine).
Don't be afraid of your feelings, they are natural. Own them. Talk to someone. Find a way to release, even if it is to scream into a pillow. The important thing in healing really is honesty and admiting what is going on. It may sound cliche, but it is true. That is the good that came from my tantrum (and yes, I found the ring and I have in a special place to hopefully pass onto my daughter one day).
Take care and know that you are in my prayers.
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