Saturday, June 14, 2008

Boys, Boys, Boys!

So what makes a normally sane girl fall head over heels in love? Why would a girl that normally spends 10-15 minutes doing hair and make-up all of a sudden start spend twice or 3 x's that in the bathroom? What is it about the opposite gender that brings out our more feminine side? Darwinist people might say, that it all has to do with attraction and wanting to procreate, so that the species can survive. In other words, we are programmed to act like this.

That just sounds too clinical for me. I'm sorry, but I'm not a bird that is programmed to attract a mate, I'm a human with a soul and free will. So, what is it exactly about love that makes us crazy. We stop spending time with our other friends, so that we can be with our significant other, we hug, hold hands, kiss... love makes us do crazy things!

Yet, love is almost like being drunk or high. While you're in love, everything you are doing seems perfectly sane at the time. Of course I spend 3 hours choosing a shirt to wear, just in case I run into johnny billy bob at the grocery store! Who doesn't doodle hearts all over the place, or spend 4 hours going over the 30 second conversation we just had and try to find all the hidden meanings in what we each said!

Being in the new stage of love is fun, but is also stressful. Boys are stressful, maybe it is the simplicity, maybe it is the girl over-reacting to the situation (not that we girls EVER do that, what am I thinking!), maybe it is how it is designed to work. The excitement of waiting for the next phone call, e-mail, or date. It is all new and exciting. Yet, there is also the naggling fear and doubt.

Is he the one? Will this relationship finally go the distance? What did he really think of my outfit? I bet he DOES think I'm fat, and I ate 2 scoops of ice-cream!?! What is he telling his friends? Why hasn't he called, it has been like 4 whole hours since we were together!?! Why hasn't he called? What did I do, did I just F*** everything up?

Being in a new relationship is fun, but hard on the girl. Which is why we need girlfriends around, so we can hash everything out and get their perspective, to make sure that we are not screwing up! Sorry boys, but we DO talk, and we talk about EVERYTHING! We are girls, it is what we do. Now, we do know how to keep things private, and we respect that. We do have limits as to what we will tell our girlfriends, so don't worry, those secret nuclear codes you told us are safe! It is just that, we will probably talk to our girlfriends about a lot of stuff, we need to, it keeps the relationship we have with you healthier, trust me!

Boys are great, they keep us girls on our toes, and what else would we talk about, if it wasn't for boys? Cosmo would only be like 10 pages long each month, if that! Dishing about boys, giving advice and dealing with relationships is a big part of life for us.

Yet, longer, more permanent relationships are great too. There is a feeling of security. You know what the other person is thinking, you know that this fight isn't going to end the relationship. You know that he thinks you are fat, and you don't care, because he also thinks that you are sexy, sweet, and fun. It is that ultimate goal of feeling safe and secure no matter that we all strive for.

Marriages survive or fail based on how safe and secure each person feels. If I begin to feel like I can't be myself anymore, there is big trouble. The problem in America (and around the world, but I live in America, so I focus on America) is that we bail here. Trouble arises and we bail, why try to fix it, when divorce is so in fashion these days? It would be better, I think if people would remember that there was a reason they got married, and more often than not, it was because they loved each other. Why not give love another chance, try to make the marriage work! Counseling involves less heartache than a divorce.

Besides, once you get divorced you are back in the game, back out playing the field and having to deal with all the rejection, insecurities and frustrations that you were so excited to be finished with when you found your soul mate.

Love is not an easy thing. It takes time to develop and commitment to sustain. Love is not a passive feeling. It is work and dedication. Yes, there are some people we just love, but in a romantic relationship love requires action from both sides. It requires not just a willingness, but a hunger to remain loyal. Love is so many things. Love is forgiving, patient, kind, etc. The Bible was right on, but it is also a need to work, it is active. You do things for the person you love because you love them.

Love is always changing and growing, or it should be. The longer a couple is together the more they should want to be together, because the roots of love run deep and connect them. Love is amazing.

Ok, so enough of that for today! I didn't plan on going in this direction... interesting! I must have a certain boy on my mind... Well, happy FLAG DAY!!!

No comments: