Eagle's Wings

Right now all I feel like doing is whining. Whining on here and whining to God. I'm so tired of being exhausted. I'm sick and tired of waking up feeling more exhausted than when I went to bed. I'm so tired of of taking a mega dose of sleeping pills and then not sleeping (at which point, I'm not only exhausted but I'm sick as well, like today). I'm not a jealous person, but I do get envious of people that can sleep and wake up feeling refreshed. It has been so long since I've had that feeling. I yearn for it, like a spouse yearns for a deployed love.

Yet, even in all this I know that God is still here. Yes, He hasn't given me the rest that I so urgently yearn for, but I know that He is still God and He is still in charge. It is at times like today that I can show my obedience and turn toward Him, and seek Him and seek His strength. God has promised me in Isaiah 40: 29-31

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. (copied from www.biblegateway.com)

It is my job to remember the promises of my Lord, and to turn to Him, to seek Him and His strength. Even when I am fully rested I need to seek His strength. If I'm going to be the servant that He wants me to be, than I have to ALWAYS be depending upon Him. God is not just our shelter, hope, Jehovah in the hard times, but he is also our everything in the good times as well. We need to turn to Him just as often in those mountain top experiences. God is our Master, our All Sufficient One, at all times, regardless of our circumstances.

So, yes I feel like whining, and maybe I did a little bit in the beginning, but more than whining I need to remember the promises that my God has given me, and cling to those. So today I'm clinging to Isaiah 40:29-31 and trying to think cheerful thoughts.

In Christ,
Paige

Daddy is Gone

My mommy is crying, I must go help.
My daddy was buried today in a grave.
The soldier gave mommy a folded-up flag.
They saluted my mommy and she just cried.

My daddy is gone, in the coffin, buried.
He is never coming home to play with me.
He went off to war to obey his commander,
He did his duty, and now I must do mine.

I'm the man of the house, I have to help.
My sisters and mommy they need me right now.
I must be strong, brave and do my best.
My daddy would want me to help everyone.

My daddy is gone, and my mommy seems lost.
I really wish that he hadn't left us alone.
I could use him right now, to give me advice,
To tell me what to do, and just to hug me at night.

I really miss him and I want to scream and cry,
But he is gone, so I'm the man of the house.
I know he is in heaven and he is watching us.
I want to do my best to make my daddy proud of me.

I love my daddy and I always, always will.
He was my best friend, and he taught me stuff.
He taught me to be brave, loyal, honest, and kind.
He taught to do what is right, even if it is hard.

I'm the man of the house, but I'm just a kid,
So for now I think that I will go to my room.
I will go there so I can be alone and cry my tears.
Those tears I shed because my daddy is gone.

Yet, after I cry I will get up and move on.
Because daddy would want us to be happy again.
He died so we can have our freedoms protected.
He died so others may know what freedom really is.

I'm so proud of him, and mommy gave me the flag.
It sits here on my desk, where I see it when I wake.
It reminds me that there is something more important
More important than just 1 or 2 people, or even a unit.

The idea is freedom, and here in the USA we have it.
Others do not, and that is not fair, so my daddy fought.
My daddy and his friends they fought the good fight, and
Others will know just how precious and expensive freedom is.

May God take care of my daddy now, up there in Heaven.
And may God take care of mommy, sister and me.
We all miss my daddy, and probably always will miss him.
But, the USA is special and so is freedom, so to y'all I say

"God bless the USA"


I wrote this poem a couple of years ago, trying to put myself in the shoes of a little boy. How would a young child grasp why their mom or dad had to die? So this is just a humble attempt at free verse and at grasping something that is tragic and incomprehensible. Though my experiences with kids it has come to my ken that the kids understand far more sometimes than we adults give them credit for.

In Christ,
Paige

God Bless the USA

Well, we have a new President. President Obama and VP Biden have been sworn in. I voted for McCain, for many reasons but I'm ready to pray for Obama, and all our elected officials, from Obama to the City council members. While I may not have voted for Obama and Biden, they are our leaders and deserve our respect and prayers. The military is now run by Commander in Chief Obama, and I just pray that he makes the right decisions about what to do with our military.

I know and care about so many people connected with the military to not pray that our leader makes the right decisions.

Yet, today is still a historic day. America has a president that is not a white man. For the first time in our history. That is amazing. And, this paves the way for a female president! I hope that soon we elect a female president. But, that is in the future and we need to focus on the problems of today and celebrate the strides that today represents.

I love America, for all our problems, we have a lot of good things going on as well. Even with the recession we are still one of the most blessed nation's in the history of the world. And I get to call this wonderful country home! How amazing is that!?!

I live in such a vast, beautiful, interesting, blessed, growing country. I'm so proud to be an American. I'm proud of my heritage, but I'm excited to be an American.

So, to everyone out there...May our Lord see fit to bless the USA today and in the coming days, weeks, months and years. And may our Lord bless you and yours and provide you with the comfort, protection, joy that you need.

In Christ,
Paige

What My Cat Taught Me

So I thought that I would share some thoughts on life with my cat, Queens. She is a big part of my life and I just love her to pieces. I now understand that pets really do become part of the family, I didn't understand that before, but I do now.

So you may be wondering: What can cats teach us? Well I'm glad that you asked! I have compiled 5 things that Queens has taught me.

1. Love is more important that food.

2. Cuddling is exhausting, after you cuddle you need a nap.

3. 12 small meals is much better than 3 large ones.

4. All we need to survive is 1 person to take care of us.
-For Queens that is me, for me that is God.-

5. Be quick to show your affection, and show it often.

In the vein of #5 I want to say that you (my friends, family, readers) are all very special to me and I love you very much!!! May God bless you today and may the sun shine upon your face.

In Christ,
PRT/JLK

Right Motives?

All counselors must figure out how to deal with the same thing. A person comes to you wanting advice, clearly needed help. You (the counselor) do your best to give the person good, sage advice, and the person walks out the door and you learn they didn't implement the advice you gave them. You might as well have been talking to a brick wall for all the good that the conversation did.

That scenario is called FRUSTRATION! But, it doesn't only happen to counselors, it happens in friendships as well. Counselors can deal with it, because it is the job, it is one of the downsides, knowing that people will not always listen. But, when it is a friendship it gets harder to deal with. It is hard, because you care about the other person and want to see only good things for them.

Yet, we are all in charge of our own lives. All I can do is live my life to the best of my ability and be the best Christian I can be. I can't live someone else's life for them, they have to. From time to time I may see that the choices they are making are not wise, but I can't force them to make new ones. The reverse is true as well...I don't always make the wisest decisions and people around me see that and they may wonder why I'm doing what I'm doing. Making stupid choices is part of being human.

I want to encourage us all to spend this week: Jan. 11-January 17 really examining the choices we make, and the process we go through. What is our underlying motivation? Why are we choosing that? It isn't the choice that is important, it is the reason behind the choice. If our reasoning is to honor God, than go for it, but if our reasoning is something else, let us to ponder if that choice is wise or not.

Happy decision making everyone and God bless us!

PRT/JLK

The Privilege of America

I don't know why, but this week I've been reading through some of my junior high, high school and college poetry/essay notebooks. Oh wait...it is for my book!!! Anyway, a lot of my poems reflect my version teenage angst, but they also reflect how much I love my country and how much I loved it back then as well. Even as a teenager I understood that America is a special country. Most Americans (including myself) take America for granted. For millions of us this is the only country that has been home. We may visit other countries, but we don't sincerely understand just what a privilege it is to be an American. The included essay was written not long after I returned from a trip to Egypt and Israel. I hope y'all enjoy it. Remember, it is from my teen days!

The Privilege of America
What does it mean to be an American? It means that I have many freedoms, I have so many freedoms. Most people yearn for just a few of my freedoms. Yet, do I truly understand the privilege of being an American? Do I truly understand just how blessed that I am to live here in this marvelous country? I don’t think the majority of Americans do, we take our lifestyle for granted.

Yet, that is dreadful. Too many people have fought and died for the privilege of being Americans. They have fought and died so that their children could grow up in this land of the free. Fathers, sons, brothers, friends. Mothers, daughters, sisters, friends. They all have fought and too many have died. To be willing to give the ultimate gift is an amazing willingness. But, why would so many people make this decision? What is it about America that is worth fighting and dying for?

America is a land of amazing bounty. We have numerous farms and ranches that provide us with food to more than fill every shelf in all the grocery stores. We have more than enough jobs for every person. A person just needs to be willing to work. It may not your dream job, but there is a job out there. America has vast prairies, tall mountains, deep lakes. The food found there is wonderful. Our harvest tables are rarely empty. The quantity and sources of food alone make America special. We are a bountiful land.

America is a land of amazing people. Irish, Ethiopian, Russian, Korean, Canadian, Venezuelan, Israeli, Turkish, Armenian, French, you name it, you can find them here. And for the most part we all live together in relative harmony. An Irish-American can marry anyone she wants, and an Israeli Jewess can marry a Palestinian man. Yes, we have gang issues, and there is still racism, and parents may not like the match, but there is freedom to marry anyone.

America is a land of beauty. From the purple mountains, to the azure seas. From the umbers of October to the blues of the oceans, there is so much beauty in every state. There is so much to see here, from forests to deserts, to Mt. Rushmore and the Statue of Liberty. Beauty is seen in every sunrise and every sunset. In the stars you can’t count while out in Big Sky country, to the creative architecture of city life. America is a land of beauty.

America is a land of self-rule. The citizens run the government. In the 20th century we are not doing our job, but it is still our job. The citizens elect the officials that make the decisions. But it is the job of the citizens to hold the government to a high standard. If they don’t do what we want, it is our job to fire them and find someone that will be moral, honest and make the right decisions. I have a say in what my government decides, so do you!

America is a land of great freedom. I can say what I want to say, and I can publish those thoughts, and the government is not allowed to censor it, or to prevent it from being published. I can go to whatever church, mosque, synagogue, cult service that I choose. As long as I don’t kill anyone while celebrating my religion, I am free to choose what I want to the believe and the government will not interfere. I am free to grow up and be whatever I want to be, and live wherever I want to live. I am F.R.E.E.!!!

America is not an easy country. The privileges that I have inherited due to my place of birth have come to me through sacrifice. They came through the sacrifice of our soldiers, airmen, coast guard, aviators, pilots, and special forces. The privileges came through the sacrifices of mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters. Each time a soldier is laid to rest I am reminded of how valuable my citizenship is. Each time I see a soldier with a missing limb, in a wheelchair, sitting blind on the corner, I am reminded of the gift I have received.

I am so proud to be an American, and so very thankful to be an American. I could not begin to thank everyone that deserves it. I could not begin to express to those I love that have served, either on the homefront, or in the uniform of our military. I could not begin to tell y’all thank you. I would not want to call any other country home. Each hour in formation, each MRE consumed, each tear that falls while a loved one is deployed, each yellow ribbon on the hearts of those at home, each flag on the arm, each bullet shot, each time “21 Guns” go off, it all is a testament of how special America is.

If America was not so special, these sacrifices would not be made quite so voluntarily. America is protected by a voluntarily military. We are not conscripted, forced, or coerced to serve, we choose to serve. The soldier and his wife both choose their lives and being part of the military. America is worth the sacrifice, because America is an amazing place to live. To be an American is privilege that has been purchased through too many blood, sweat and tears. Countless tears have been shed, and countless will continue to be shed as America moves into the 21st century. Because America will remain a privilege. Don’t you ever forget, it is a privilege not a right. It is a gift. I hold these truths to be self-evident. America is amazing!

A Poem I Found

I thought I would post a poem that I wrote a couple of years ago. I was talking to a friend earlier this evening that is a Gold Star Mom (a mother whose child has died in combat or other military service) and it reminded me of this poem I wrote, and I just found it, so I thought that I would post it. I am by no means a poet, but I thought it was apt to my conversation with my friend.

GOLD STAR MOM

As you sat and rocked your babe you dreamed.
You imagined what kind of a man he would be.
You pictured your baby growing and maturing.
You prayed fervently that he would be a good man.

As you sat and watched your kid run you dreamed.
You imagined him growing older and meeting a girl.
You hoped you son would find a girl that would love him,
But you knew no girl was really good enough for your son.

As you sat and taught him to drive you dreamed and prayed.
You imagined him leaving for home to pursue his dreams.
You hoped he would be safe, wise and do well in life.
You knew the world was at his fingertips, and he could do it.

As you sat and he said “I’m joining the military” you dreamed.
You knew that he would be a good soldier, he was tough.
You hoped that he would be safe, that he would not see combat.
You knew that the worst could happen, so you prayed fervently.

Then one day the worst thing happened, you heard a knock.
You did not want to open the front door, you knew, you are a mom.
You went to the door and ushered the two soldiers inside.
You knew that the worst had happened, and inside you cried.

As you sat and rocked in that special chair you dreamed.
You remembered all the happy moments, the triumphs:
You saw his first smile, steps, word, day of school, etc.
The coffin was on its way to your house, and you cried.

You picked up his favorite teddy bear and you stood there.
He would never be home again. Your son was gone like that.
How would you be able to make it through the hour, the day?
You thought that you would never smile again, never laugh.

As you pondered your fate and his you remembered something,
He is now your angel and he was looking down on you in love.
He did not want to die for his country, but he was willing to die.
He did his duty and gave his all because you taught him that.

As you sat outside and heard the 21 guns you cried and prayed.
You prayed that no other mom would have to feel this grief.
You thought “I love you son, and always will, forever.”
You took the folded flag from the soldier, and you whispered to him,

“God bless the USA.”

***Dedicated to Gold Star Moms! Thank you. You and your child are some of the people that make America so amazing. May God bless you.***

Up and Down Day

Some days I should just stay in bed and pull the comforter up over my head and just hide. Today was one of them! It wasn't all bad, but it wasn't all great either.

The exterminator came today, he is really cute, 27 and nice. He goes to one of the churches that I like. Anyway, he gave me his number! How cool is that!?! No guy has ever just given me their number before. Now, I already have someone I like (and I told him that, but that I'd like to hang out as friends) but still it was nice.

The frustrating part...SCHOOL, what else!!! I have 3 online classes this semester, and 1 of them the prof has some things he wants us to get done before class starts on Monday. Except that BlackBoard (the program the school uses) isn't exactly working, and so the class is not showing up, I have no access. So I've e-mailed the prof (and I know him from a previous residential class) and I've e-mailed the helpdesk to see when things will be up and running. I want to get it fixed though, so I can do my work and order my text books, so they have time to get here. I might have to go to the bookstore on campus and see if they at least have the list of what is required, because looking them up on their website isn't working either!!! I thought the internet was going to make life better, not crazier!?! BAH HUMBUG!!!

I received an e-mail from a friend in Afghanistan today, that was cool. She is doing well, but asked for prayer for her grandma in Ohio. Her grandma only has a few weeks to live (cancer). Sad, and the worst part for my friend is that she won't be able to make it back for the funeral, since her grandma is not immediate family (even then getting back isn't all that easy). So pray for my friend as she has this to deal with, on top of being in Afghanistan. THANKS!!!

My book is coming right along. I hope to get it finished by mid-March to get to the publisher that is interested. So y'all start saving your pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters, so you can buy 6 copies each!!!

I'm looking forward to my classes this semester. I get to write another term paper on PTSD, which is my "thing" (not only have I been diagnosed, but I also have a heart for others with the disorder, it sucks, trust me). I want to focus on our military again. Maybe do the paper on spouses/parents that have PTSD in the aftermath of their loved one being in danger (secondary PTSD it is sometimes called).

On the job front. I think I'm leaning toward DC, if I can find a decent job up there. I know what I'd like to do, but we will see if what I want to do pays enough and if somebody will hire me. I've toyed with the idea of being a military chaplain, but I want to be able to decide where I live. For sure I'll be working with the military and milspouses in some capacity, even if it is volunteer work.

Well, that sums up things for Jan. 5, 2009. May God bless you this week.

2009 Already!

Can you believe it, it is 2009! Where does the time go? It doesn't seem that long ago that I was eager to move out here and begin my seminary journey, and now I'm about to start my last semester. So much has already happened since August of 2007. Some of it really good, a lot of it not so good.

I hosted a New Year's Eve party, and it was a lot of fun. We watched Star Trek, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, and hung out. We had snacks and pizza. It wasn't too exciting, but it was nice. It got me to thinking about how wonderful friends are, and how my different friends play different roles in my life.

I have a few friends that I am very close with and feel comfortable sharing many things with, but I don't have that 1 friend that I share everything with, except Christ. And for now, I think that is how it should be. I'd feel too vulnerable if someone knew EVERYTHING about me, I didn't know the same in return. Maybe I'm not trusting enough, I don't know.

Yet, even though I don't have that 1 person that I'll completely open up to, I have someone even better, and that is Christ. Christ is totally worthy of our trust. He is the best confidant a girl could have. Christ will never let us down, and He will never disrespect us. Being able to run to Christ with everything, good and bad is what keeps me going from day to day, and at night when I can't sleep.

I don't think I would make a very good atheist or Buddhist, or Christian Scientist, because I'm too dependent on Christ these days. I'd be beyond lost without Him. I hear friends talk about how much they miss their spouse when he or she is gone for a few days (or for over a year on deployments) and while I don't have that relationship I can somewhat understand, because I know how it feels to miss the person you love most.

But for me, that was because I left Christ. He was there, waiting for me to return. Feeling like I was without Him, because I ran away was the worst part of everything I've been through in the past 7 years. The relationship I have with Him is one of total dependence. Life is hard enough as it is, but without my Lover, Best Friend, Accountability, etc. I am not complete, I feel alone.

Being surrounded by friends on New Year's Eve, and thinking of those that are up in Heaven, I was reminded of just how important friendship is, and just how wonderful Christ is as my friend.