We never know what our lives will be like. We never know where our journey will take us. We can plan and dream but we are not guaranteed any of those plans or dreams.
When I left home for college I THOUGHT that I'd go to school, meet a man, get married, graduate with my degree in elementary education. I was then going to move back to my home town, teach till we started our family, stay home with them till they were in school and then go back to teaching.
Life had other plans for me. 10 years ago, on Feb. 2, 2002 I was brutually raped (you could call it torture, based on what they did to me. The 2 men were into S&M). That event derailed all my plans and dreams.
It was a journey I went on, and one that I realize I'm still on. Even 10 years later I'm still dealing with the repercussions of my rape, miscarriage and suicide attempt. I still have nightmares once in awhile. I still don't like being in large crowds of people I don't know (I do it, because I want to reach out to people and share God's story of my life and offer hope to others, but it takes a lot prayer each time), even in large crowds that are full of family I have trouble.
Yet, it is a journey that is full of more hope than tragedy. I have hope and joy because through my experiences I have learned just how real Christ is, just how far He goes to offer us renewal and joy. It doesn't matter what we go through, God can use it for His glory, and if we let Him, we can see that there is joy in sorrow, there is life after _______________.
10 years ago I had fear, lonliness and despair. 10 years ago I felt abandoned. And now, I have the blessed assurance that Jesus really is mine, and all the amazing benefits of that! As icing on the cake I have a husband that I'm head over heels in love with, I have a new daughter that is the joy of our lives, I have family and friends that love us and support us.
10 years ago my journey took a sharp turn, and as horrific as that turn was, I wouldn't change it (wouldn't wish the experience on ANYONE, but wouldn't change it) because that new path I went on has brought me to where I am today and where I am today is a pretty good place. I am safely in the generous, protective, loving, forgiving, guiding, encouraging, disciplining, saving arms of Christ and as HIS princess I am abundantly blessed.
Showing posts with label Christ. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christ. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
Rainy Days
I nicknamed my daughter Snowflake. I have many reasons for this name. Partly because she was born in winter, but also because a snowflake is a unique and beautiful creation, created by a loving and imaginative God. A snowflake is fragile, and in order to survive it needs to be protected in its designed environment. Also, no two snowflakes are the same. They each have their own design and beauty. Finally, a snowflake is fragile on its own, but it isn't designed to be on its own. Snowflakes are designed for community, to work together.
This describes humans as well. We are each created beautiful by our loving Father. We are fragile and not made to go through this world alone. Life is better lived in community. We need each other. Our friends and family make us stronger, they help us to become the best that we can be.
Today is a rainy day and I LOVE rainy days. Some people may say that it is gloomy, an Eeyore type of day. I find it is reflective. I see the beauty in the rain. The ground needs it. The more rain we get now, the better it will be for our garden this Spring. Rain washes away the dust and brings renewal. Rain gives me time to reflect on life and to just sit with my little Snowflake and tell her how special she is.
Just like our circumstances can give us time to reflect. It is when we are down that we are the most willing to pause and wonder, to ask the big questions. So, when you get a rainy day, or when you are going through a tough time, don't let it give you the gloomies, but use it to reflect, to wonder, to grow and see the good in it. There is always good, because we serve God and God is good. It may be hard to find the good, to see the benefits, but that just means you gotta keep at it.
-JLP-
This describes humans as well. We are each created beautiful by our loving Father. We are fragile and not made to go through this world alone. Life is better lived in community. We need each other. Our friends and family make us stronger, they help us to become the best that we can be.
Today is a rainy day and I LOVE rainy days. Some people may say that it is gloomy, an Eeyore type of day. I find it is reflective. I see the beauty in the rain. The ground needs it. The more rain we get now, the better it will be for our garden this Spring. Rain washes away the dust and brings renewal. Rain gives me time to reflect on life and to just sit with my little Snowflake and tell her how special she is.
Just like our circumstances can give us time to reflect. It is when we are down that we are the most willing to pause and wonder, to ask the big questions. So, when you get a rainy day, or when you are going through a tough time, don't let it give you the gloomies, but use it to reflect, to wonder, to grow and see the good in it. There is always good, because we serve God and God is good. It may be hard to find the good, to see the benefits, but that just means you gotta keep at it.
-JLP-
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
A New Perspective
January 5, 2012 is an important day in my family. It is the day that my husband and I welcomed our daughter into the world. Just 2 weeks ago. It is amazing how many changes have taken place in these 2 weeks. I've gone from being a wife to being a wife AND mommy.
Having my daughter has given me a whole new perspective on life. This little child depends totally on us and the choices that we make, the things we do. Her very survival is not up to her; she can't feed herself, she can't even sit up by herself.
This reminds me of how we as humans, and especially as abuse survivors are. We are totally dependent on the Lord to help us survive. I remember right after my rape how dark the days were. Raped, got pregnant, miscarried. Those were dark days. So dark that I tried to end it all. Yet, the Lord had other plans.
My survival wasn't my choice back then. I tried to leave, but my time here wasn't over, and as I look back I'm very glad. I would have stolen so much joy from myself. Yeah, I would be in Heaven and Heaven is a wonderful place- full of the grace of Christ. Yet, there is still so much joy for me here.
I would have missed out on meeting wonderful friends, times with family. I would have missed out on an amazing marriage with a man that I love more than anything. Also, I wouldn't have been here to give birth and raise my daughter. Only 2 weeks old, but oh so special. Just like God has a plan for my life, He has one for her life.
And, God has a plan for YOUR life. It is a plan for countless numbers of blessings, more smiles and tears of joy than you can imagine. It is a plan for a full life. The path isn't always easy (labor sure wasn't!), and yes there will be dark times, but God wants you to live all your days.
No matter how much pain you are in, no matter how hard it seems to just take the next step, you can do it. Don't cheat yourself out of life. Take the next step, and then the next, and the next, and pretty soon you'll be walking and after that, jogging!
Our lives are designed for joy- ours and to bring joy to the Lord. From a beautiful sunrise, the laughter of our children, a fun movie, a pretty plant, game night with friends, you name it- there is joy and happiness a plenty.
My daughter is already teaching me that even in the hard times, such as being awake in the wee hours, there is joy there. Because we serve the risen Lord, and He is the Light, we will not be in total darkness. There will always be a little light. Giving into the joy makes that light even brighter.
-JLP-
Having my daughter has given me a whole new perspective on life. This little child depends totally on us and the choices that we make, the things we do. Her very survival is not up to her; she can't feed herself, she can't even sit up by herself.
This reminds me of how we as humans, and especially as abuse survivors are. We are totally dependent on the Lord to help us survive. I remember right after my rape how dark the days were. Raped, got pregnant, miscarried. Those were dark days. So dark that I tried to end it all. Yet, the Lord had other plans.
My survival wasn't my choice back then. I tried to leave, but my time here wasn't over, and as I look back I'm very glad. I would have stolen so much joy from myself. Yeah, I would be in Heaven and Heaven is a wonderful place- full of the grace of Christ. Yet, there is still so much joy for me here.
I would have missed out on meeting wonderful friends, times with family. I would have missed out on an amazing marriage with a man that I love more than anything. Also, I wouldn't have been here to give birth and raise my daughter. Only 2 weeks old, but oh so special. Just like God has a plan for my life, He has one for her life.
And, God has a plan for YOUR life. It is a plan for countless numbers of blessings, more smiles and tears of joy than you can imagine. It is a plan for a full life. The path isn't always easy (labor sure wasn't!), and yes there will be dark times, but God wants you to live all your days.
No matter how much pain you are in, no matter how hard it seems to just take the next step, you can do it. Don't cheat yourself out of life. Take the next step, and then the next, and the next, and pretty soon you'll be walking and after that, jogging!
Our lives are designed for joy- ours and to bring joy to the Lord. From a beautiful sunrise, the laughter of our children, a fun movie, a pretty plant, game night with friends, you name it- there is joy and happiness a plenty.
My daughter is already teaching me that even in the hard times, such as being awake in the wee hours, there is joy there. Because we serve the risen Lord, and He is the Light, we will not be in total darkness. There will always be a little light. Giving into the joy makes that light even brighter.
-JLP-
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Good-bye 2011
It is that time again, the time when many of us bloggers feel the need to look over the year, to figure out just what we did with our 365 days. I am no different. It has been an interesting year in my life.
I began the year as a newlywed with less than a month of marriage under my belt, and I end the year anxiously awaiting the birth of our first child! That in itself is a lot, but the pregnancy is not the only event because we do not live in a vacuum.
I've also had to say good-bye to 2 men that I loved and admired. 2 men that were giants in the faith, even though they didn't show up on the national radar. Their impact will be seen by how many souls they helped lead to Heaven, and how many more they mentored and helped grow.
As if that is not enough I've also fought my own battles. Battles with sin and feeling like an inadequate daughter of the King of Kings that I love so dearly. I hate to sin and to fail Him, to know that what I'm doing is wrong, yet not being quite able to overcome the temptation. I hate being weak.
Yet, 2011 has taught me one big lesson to share- I'm not weak. I fail, I give in when I shouldn't, but I'm not weak. I'm strong because of what I've been through in the last 10 years, and because I've finally learned the secret to strength. I've learned the secret is that I can't rely on myself, I have to let the Holy Spirit work through me and within me. I have to use God's strength.
You too can be strong in the Lord. You too can overcome the obstacles, temptations, fears, pain, and loss that you are feeling, but you have to give it all to the Lord and ask for His help. May your 2011 end better than it started and may you start 2012 focused on healing and growing in Christ, for that is how we will live Joyfully After ___________.
-J-
I began the year as a newlywed with less than a month of marriage under my belt, and I end the year anxiously awaiting the birth of our first child! That in itself is a lot, but the pregnancy is not the only event because we do not live in a vacuum.
I've also had to say good-bye to 2 men that I loved and admired. 2 men that were giants in the faith, even though they didn't show up on the national radar. Their impact will be seen by how many souls they helped lead to Heaven, and how many more they mentored and helped grow.
As if that is not enough I've also fought my own battles. Battles with sin and feeling like an inadequate daughter of the King of Kings that I love so dearly. I hate to sin and to fail Him, to know that what I'm doing is wrong, yet not being quite able to overcome the temptation. I hate being weak.
Yet, 2011 has taught me one big lesson to share- I'm not weak. I fail, I give in when I shouldn't, but I'm not weak. I'm strong because of what I've been through in the last 10 years, and because I've finally learned the secret to strength. I've learned the secret is that I can't rely on myself, I have to let the Holy Spirit work through me and within me. I have to use God's strength.
You too can be strong in the Lord. You too can overcome the obstacles, temptations, fears, pain, and loss that you are feeling, but you have to give it all to the Lord and ask for His help. May your 2011 end better than it started and may you start 2012 focused on healing and growing in Christ, for that is how we will live Joyfully After ___________.
-J-
Monday, October 3, 2011
Lessons from the Journey
As I prepare for the birth of our daughter I was watching a video on the epidural procedure (which I plan to use). I'm not afraid of needles, but still it doesn't look like fun. The only good part of labor in my way of thinking is the end result, finally having our daughter in my arms. I deal with a lot of pain associated with my RA, and I've dealt with physical pain from my rape and abuse. I've also deal with emotional pain: grief when loved ones die, abuse, fear, loneliness, etc.
I'm not a fan of pain. I know the military says that it is "weakness leaving the body", but I don't seek it out. Pain of any sort is not fun. It hurts! It can be scary, and it doesn't always go away with a magic pill or a shot.
Yet, as much as I don't enjoy pain I see that it is in the painful times, the hard times, the scary times along my journey that I have had a chance to grow. I can become stronger if I allow the pain to draw my closer to the Lord. If I remember to ask, "Lord, this hurts and this is scary and this is no fun. Please be with me, please help me rely on You to get me through."
So far no pain I've experienced has killed me (though I tried to kill myself in 2002 to escape it, but God had other plans), and I have grown. I'm [hopefully] wiser now. I do know that I can get through. I have also learned that I can't do it on my own. I need a lifeline. When I'm really hurting, when it is really scary I need someone to talk to, a hand to hold and squeeze, I need that reminder that pain is temporary.
As scary and painful as what you are going through is, it is just temporary. It may be that you, like myself have a disease that affects daily life and it isn't going away, or you may have been abused in some form, or you are dealing with the pain of grief. As harsh as it all is, and it is harsh, I'm not minimizing it, it is just temporary.
If we choose Christ, if we say "yes" to all He offers we know that a reward for a faithful life is Heaven, and in Heaven there are no more tears, there is no more pain. God takes that away and it is vanquished forever!
That is the hope I hold when I'm dealing with the pain of life, when I'm having flashbacks, or I ache, or I grieve. I focus on my Savior. It is the only way I know of to recover from pain, to know that it is temporary, that with Christ's help I can overcome, for He already has and is just waiting to help, just waiting for me to ask for it.
Have you asked for HIS help? It is the best and most productive thing you can do to get out of the dark hole you may be in.
I'm not a fan of pain. I know the military says that it is "weakness leaving the body", but I don't seek it out. Pain of any sort is not fun. It hurts! It can be scary, and it doesn't always go away with a magic pill or a shot.
Yet, as much as I don't enjoy pain I see that it is in the painful times, the hard times, the scary times along my journey that I have had a chance to grow. I can become stronger if I allow the pain to draw my closer to the Lord. If I remember to ask, "Lord, this hurts and this is scary and this is no fun. Please be with me, please help me rely on You to get me through."
So far no pain I've experienced has killed me (though I tried to kill myself in 2002 to escape it, but God had other plans), and I have grown. I'm [hopefully] wiser now. I do know that I can get through. I have also learned that I can't do it on my own. I need a lifeline. When I'm really hurting, when it is really scary I need someone to talk to, a hand to hold and squeeze, I need that reminder that pain is temporary.
As scary and painful as what you are going through is, it is just temporary. It may be that you, like myself have a disease that affects daily life and it isn't going away, or you may have been abused in some form, or you are dealing with the pain of grief. As harsh as it all is, and it is harsh, I'm not minimizing it, it is just temporary.
If we choose Christ, if we say "yes" to all He offers we know that a reward for a faithful life is Heaven, and in Heaven there are no more tears, there is no more pain. God takes that away and it is vanquished forever!
That is the hope I hold when I'm dealing with the pain of life, when I'm having flashbacks, or I ache, or I grieve. I focus on my Savior. It is the only way I know of to recover from pain, to know that it is temporary, that with Christ's help I can overcome, for He already has and is just waiting to help, just waiting for me to ask for it.
Have you asked for HIS help? It is the best and most productive thing you can do to get out of the dark hole you may be in.
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