They Won't Be Home For Christmas

They Won't Be Home For Christmas

Another year, American Heroes
Are fighting in a foreign land
And there is still, no end in sight
A part of life they hadn't planned.

They do their duty without question
And they all stand proud and tall
They are placed there in harm's way
As they answer, our Country's call.

They'll get by the best they can
And improvise ingenious ways
To find a way to celebrate
The meaning of the Holidays.

Peace on Earth, good will towards men
Is really, kinda hard to do
When all around, there are folks
Whose only wish, is to kill you.

There are far too many families
Who will never again know the joy
That the Christmastime can bring
And cruel, wartime can destroy.

The lucky will return back home
But lives will never be the same
Forever changed in heart and mind
By humankind's unholy game.

They won't be home for Christmas
And sadly, some will never be
But all of them will share one thing
That's the war Hero's legacy.

So as you gather 'round the tree
With your loved ones by your side
Think about those, "over there"
While you enjoy, your Yuletide.

Del "Abe" Jones
White Bluff, TN

A Holly, Jolly Christmas?

Last night I was awake wondering just what makes Christmas holly and jolly. I remember as a child having wonderful Christmases. It started early Christmas Eve and lasted through Grandma's birthday on the 28th. Christmas was a time of family, friends, sledding and good food. It was also a time to focus on the birth of Christ and celebrate our Savior.

As I've gotten older and become an adult, Christmas has changed. My grandparents have gone to be with the Lord, my sister has her own Christmas where she lives and a few years I have had to worked on Christmas.

With all the changes that have gone on in my life Christmas is not the same for me. That isn't a bad thing, it is just what it is. Life changes. I'm just trying to decide what makes a good, jolly Christmas? I know that most of the answer lies in celebrating the true meaning of Christmas and choosing to have a good attitude, no matter who is with you.

I write this as I think of my friends that are in Iraq and Afghanistan, and my military spouse friends who have a loved one serving. To think that the person you love most is gone, in harm's way on this most familial of all holidays. Yet, many of these people still have a jolly Christmas, because of the attitude.

So in spite of the fact that I wish my sis and nephew were here, and that if I had my way Grandma and Grandpa were still here I plan on choosing to have a jolly Christmas and to make merry with those that I do get to see. I think the answer I want lies in taking advantage of the people I do get to spend the day with and focusing on the positives and not what is "missing".

So, no matter where you are, and what your Christmas looks like, may you too have a "holly, jolly Christmas this year!"

Brrrr....

Wyoming. Just one word, seven little letters, yet for me it conjures up so much. Wyoming conjures up Cowboys and Indians, rodeos, horseback rides on the prairie, backpacking trips in the BigHorn mountains, and most of all family and friends. Wyoming also conjures up cold and snowy winters and that dreamed of "white Christmas".

Right now I'm experiencing that cold that I mentioned. Below zero temps with colder wind chills. It is C-O-L-D, COLD! But guess what!?! I'm LOVING IT!!!! That's right, the cold must have gone to my head because I'm loving this weather. I feel so alive when I go outside. Putting on my ear covering, gloves, winter coat, thick socks and running out to start the truck so I can run back inside while it warms up and I thaw from the 45 seconds I was just outside. Driving slowly to avoid doing cookies and playing demolition derby, it is all great!

Why is it so great? Because it is Winter (well in most of the US at least, it is still pre-midnight here). Winter for me is the best season because it is full of hope. Hope and rest. Hope for the Spring that always comes and brings new life. Hope in the Savior whose birth we celebrate, Hope in a new year. HOPE is such a precious word and even more precious feeling. Hope helps us survive and get through the hardest of times.

But Winter is also a time of rest. A time to recharge and hunker down. A time to take life a bit slower and prepare for the busy time. Most of our lives are busy right now, but Winter is still the season of rest for me and recharging my batteries. We all need to make the time and just rest, the blanket of snow on the ground reminds me of that.

Winter is also the time of snow here in Wyoming. Snow is just great! I can make snow cream, snow angels, snow men, snow balls, snow forts, SNOW, SNOW, SNOW!!! Such a magical, wonderful substance and I can't get enough!

So, yes even I will admit that it is COLD right now, but I love the cold because it is part of Wyoming and I love Wyoming. I don't live here anymore, and may never again, but it is still in my heart and will always be in my heart. It is a state that I love for many reasons, and one of them is the cold.

Have a good Sunday and stay Warm!

Paige

The Reason We Sing

I thought I would pause and post the lyrics to a song that has always been a favorite one of mine. The song explains why I sing (even if God is the only one who thinks it sounds good!). It also explains why Christians should join together in musical worship of the Savior.

THE REASON WE SING

VERSE 1
He has brought us together
Each of us a different gift to bring.
We’ll serve Him forever
Even if the cost is everything.
He has called us to be faithful,
So with one heart we give this offering.

CHORUS
The reason we sing,
The reason we lift our voice,
Is more than just making harmony.
The reason we sing
Is to praise the one who gave His Son to be
The reason we sing.

VERSE 2
It's more than just an emotion,
His spirit gives us joy that we can't hide.
We will not be silent,
We've got to let the world hear what's inside.
And as we praise Him with our music,
Jesus is the one we glorify.

(Repeat Chorus)

***Paige***

PTSD Resources

As promised I am including a list of resources on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Books:
The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook
by: Glenn R. Schiraldi

The PTSD Workbook
by: Mary Beth Williams & Soili Poijula

An Operator's Manual for Combat PTSD
by: Ashley B. Hart II & Art Nottingham

The Veteran's PTSD Handbook
by: John D. Roche

Cross-Cultural Assessment of Psychological Trauma and PTSD
by: John P. Wilson & Catherine C. So-Kum Tang

My Journey to Peace with PTSD
by: Lady Cerelli

Moving a Nation to Care: PTSD and America's Returning Troops
by: Ilona Meagher


Websites:
http://www.ncptsd.org
The official PTSD site run by the US Dep't of Veteran's Affairs

http://www.ptsdinfo.org/
A gateway site to help you gather information on PTSD

http://www.ptsdmanual.com/
A great site for military person's dealing with PTSD
Also gives an overview of the disorder that civilians may find handy

http://www.ptsdforum.org/
A great place to meet online other people that know about and deal with the
the disorder. A forum to discuss all things PTSD.

http://www.adaa.org/public/selftest_PTSD.htm
A test that you can use on yourself or with a loved one if you think there
might be a case of PTSD

***I have read all the books listed and thoroughly explored the websites listed. This list is far from comprehensive, but it gives you a jumping off point if this is something you care to learn more about.***


-Paige-

Combat PTSD

PTSD first came onto the radar screen as Shell Shock in soldiers. Combat issues are one of the most common triggers of PTSD, and no wonder. The things that our soldiers are forced to see and do are horrific. Yes, they sign up to be soldiers, and in America, no one is forcing them. But the truth is that combat is tough, no matter how prepared you think you are. You see things that humans are not supposed to see. God designed us to GIVE and NURTURE life, not take it away.

Not every soldier in combat will contract PTSD and that is a blessing, and there are some things that we and they can do to try and prevent it. First of all, the soldier needs to go prepared. He/She needs to know that it will be hell, mentally prepare for the worst. Second, the soldier needs a good base back on the home front supporting and praying for him/her. Having people to talk to, to correspond with, people that will let you just talk. Bottling the experiences up is one way to increase your chances of having to deal with PTSD. We need outlets, all humans do. Also, reports and studies have shown that physical fitness is also a good preventative measure. Endorphins are amazing things, make use of your body's own defense mechinisms.

Even if you take preventative measures there is still a high chance that you (or the soldier you love) will have PTSD. The first thing that soldier needs to know is that having PTSD doesn't make him weak or less of a soldier. It isn't something that he can totally control. SEEK HELP. The military is getting much better (there is still a long way to go) at positively dealing with PTSD.

Refer to my previous post to look up the signs of PTSD. If you or a loved one have even 1 of these symptoms then SEEK HELP. There is no shame in wanting to talk to someone, and better safe than sorry. PTSD if not treated has been linked to numerous suicides, homicides, substance abuse, it causes the suffer to sometimes act irrationally and take out his/her pain on those they love and cherish. But, with the proper help this can be dealt with.

PTSD doesn't have to plague you, and as a soldier you can overcome and go onto having an amazing military career, it might even help you be a better officer, because you know what it is like and how to recognize the signs in those you command. If it is a loved that has the disorder, than you too can talk to a counselor or read some books (I'll be posting a reading list tomorrow) and find proven methods to help them.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SUFFER ALONE! THERE ARE THOSE OF US THAT LOVE YOU AND WANT TO HELP!
*Paige*

PTSD- the Definition

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a debilitating condition that follows a terrifying event. Often, people with PTSD have persistent frightening thoughts and memories of their ordeal and feel emotionally numb, especially with people they were once close to. PTSD, once referred to as shell shock, was first brought to public attention by war veterans, but it can result from any number of traumatic incidents. These include kidnapping, serious accidents such as car or train wrecks, natural disasters such as floods or earthquakes, violent attacks such as a mugging, rape, or torture, or being held captive. The event that triggers it may be something that threatened the person's life or the life of someone close to him or her.

The person has experienced or witnessed or was confronted with an unusually traumatic event that has both of these elements:

The event involved actual or threatened death or serious physical injury to the person or to others,

and

The person felt intense fear, horror or helplessness

The person repeatedly relives the event in at least 1 of these ways:

Intrusive, distressing recollections - thoughts, images.
Repeated, distressing dreams.
Through flashbacks, hallucinations or illusions, acts or feels as if the event were
recurring.
Marked mental distress in reaction to internal or external cues that symbolize or
resemble the event.
Physiological reactivity - such as rapid heart beat, elevated blood pressure in response to these cues.

The person repeatedly avoids the trauma-related stimuli and has numbing of general responsiveness (absent before the traumatic event) as shown by 3 or more of:

Tries to avoid thoughts, feelings or conversations concerned with the event.
Tries to avoid activities, people or places that recall the event.
Cannot recall an important feature of the event.
Marked loss of interest or participation in activities important to the patient.
Feels detached or isolated from other people.
Restriction in ability to love or feel other strong emotions.
Feels life will be brief or unfulfilled (lack of marriage, job, children).

At least 2 of the following symptoms of hyperarousal were not present before the traumatic event:

Insomnia (initial or interval)
Irritability
Poor concentration
Hypervigilance
Increased startle response

The above symptoms have lasted longer than one month.

These symptoms cause clinically important distress or impair work, social or personal functioning.
Important Gender Differences:

The most common precipitating events for PTSD in women were rape and physical assault (33.8% and 32.3% of reported events, respectively).

For men, seeing someone seriously hurt or killed and physical assault were the most prevalent (25.3% and 20.3%). Women and men were equally likely to have been exposed to trauma.

Women, however, were more likely than men to meet criteria for lifetime and current PTSD.

Adjusting for gender differences, subjects who were severely dependent on cocaine were
more likely than moderately dependent subjects to meet lifetime criteria for PTSD.

PTSD also was more prevalent in subjects with a history of major depression, antisocial
personality disorder, and cannabis dependence, but not alcohol dependence.

Associated Features:

Depressed Mood
Somatic or Sexual Dysfunction
Guilt or Obsession
Addiction

Differential Diagnosis:

Some disorders display similar or sometimes even the same symptom. The clinician, therefore, in his/her diagnostic attempt, has to differentiate against the following disorders which he/she needs to rule out to establish a precise diagnosis.

Adjustment Disorder
Brief Psychotic Disorder.
Conversion Disorder.
Major Depressive Disorder.
Acute Stress Disorder
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Schizophrenia
Mood Disorder With Psychotic Features
Delirium
Substance-Induced Disorders
Psychotic Disorders Due to a General Medical Condition
Malingering

Cause:

PTSD can occur at any age as it is dependent upon the experience of a traumatic event. Such events include:

Military Combat
Violent Criminal Attacks
Sexual Assaults
Serious Accidents
Life threatening natural disasters

The cause is not known, but psychological, genetic, physical, and social factors may contribute to it. In studies of Vietnam war veterans, those with strong support systems were less likely to develop PTSD than those without or poor support systems and PTSD develops immediately after they experience the traumatic event. However, in other people, signs of the disorder do not develop until several weeks, months, or even years after the event.

Treatment:

Individual or group therapy, in addition to some medications, may be used in the treatment of PTSD.
Counseling and Psychotherapy [ See Therapy Section ]:

Although psychodynamic psychotherapy is commonly used to treat the disorder, its effectiveness is controversial. Recently Exposure Therapy as part of a Cognitive Behavioral approach and/or EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy) have in many case been the treatment of choice. Therapy therefore helps those with post-traumatic stress disorder work through the traumatic event that caused the condition.

Pharmacotherapy [ See Psychopharmacology Section ] :

Certain antidepressant medications and mild tranquilizers are sometimes prescribed to help lessen some of the painful symptoms associated with PTSD.

There are also strong indications that the atypical antipsychotic Olanzapine (Zyprexa) aids in stabilizing the mood and reducing flashbacks in combat veterans suffering from PTSD.


***Information comes straight from the DSM-IV (the bible for MH pros."

Journal from February 2, 2008

***** I thought that as I introduce a week of posts on PTSD I would include my journal entry from Feb. 2, 2008 my 6 year anniversary.******


Dear Journal,
I'd think by now that I would be better. All the manuals that I've studied, all the research and data shows that I should be better. I've sought help through studies, through friends and through counseling. So why won't this go away? Why do the nightmares, daymares, hallucinations and the anxiety still exist. Somedays I feel like it only happened a few months ago, not 6 years. Six years is a long time, I should be better by now. So why am I not? What purpose does the Lord have in allowing this problem to continue to plague me? Haven't I done my penance or whatever? I could deal with this better if I knew what purpose it served!
PTSD is an ugly, ugly thing. It is a wound that no one else can see. If I allow them, and if my walls crack, than the effects are quite visible, but the wound itself is invisible. It is there, and yet, how do I explain it? How do I explain what is going on in my head? One minute I'm fine, and then I'll see someone that reminds me of one of my attackers and I'll have a panic attack, or maybe it will wait and show up in my dreams.
The dreams are the worst part for me. For some, sleep is an escape. For me it is torture. All to often I relive the rape, or the attack by my ex, but the rape is much, much worse. I'm back there. Back to being helpless, the captive to 2 men and a gun. Back to being at their mercy, to feeling everything, seeing it, hearing myself, and hearing them. What they said was almost as bad as what they did, but nothing is that evil, nothing.
I wake up and I'm covered in sweat, and all I want to do is take a shower or a bath, but moving from my bed is too scary. It takes 10-20 minutes just to shake the dream enough so that I can make it to the tub, and there I generally stand, letting the water course over me, so hot that it hurts, but I need it that hot to burn away the fear.
Waking up alone in my bed is the worst. Knowing that I'm alone. I have God, and I love HIM, I do! I have my friends, family and my cat, but when it comes to dealing with this stuff, I deal with it alone, I wake up alone, I shower alone, I wash the dread away alone, and I go about my business, w/o that someone to lean on, I have to lean on myself. I pray and that does help, because God is the God of Help and comfort. He is my gentle Shepherd, but He still hasn't removed all the fear, pain, and repercussions of my life.
I could deal with it better if I knew WHY! I'm not normally a "why me?" person, and that isn't the point. I can deal with it, I have for 6 years now. I want to why it still plagues me, and how God expects to turn the pain and evil into good. What is His plan in all this?
I'm working on my book and I hope to get it published. I hope and pray to be able to work with other trauma victims and help them see the healing power of Christ. Because as much as I still suffer, it isn't everyday anymore, and I see that I am much stronger, more in love with Christ, and better able to take care of myself than I ever have been. It is just that in these dark hours, when it creeps back up that I'm back to being the victim. It is an attitude that I have to squelch. I have to push it down and remind myself of the blessings in my life, the good things, the fact that I am safe here (I hope!). It comes back, but it isn't as bad as it once was, because it isn't as often and I've learned that getting drunk isn't the answer. Running to God is the answer.
So, as I contemplate the strides that I have made in the past 6 years I can look back with some pride and thankfulness that I am getting better and I can face a future that will be even brighter. Yet, the problems are still there, the fear, the anxiety, the nightmares are still vivid, the PTSD is still real, but I've now learned the secret and that is JESUS. Jesus is the secret to joyfully getting through the next year.
Thank You Jesus,
Paige


***Sorry this post is so long, but I felt the Lord tugging at my heart to include the whole entry. Right now I'm trying to find a way to link my research paper on PTSD to this site, so that I don't have to just post the whole thing (it is 20+ pages long). If you have any ideas let me know! Thanks!***

-Paige-

PTSD

These two video clips from YouTube will start to show some of the things that a person with PTSD deals with. It isn't much fun at all, and in fact generally people with PTSD will have other problems like: drug and alcohol abuse as a way to numb the pain from PTSD. I'll be writing more on PTSD in the coming days.

-Paige-

The Shortbread Paid the Price!

Do you ever find yourself attempting too much at a time? Maybe you are like me and you are prone to doing this, especially when trying to stay busy and not think about other things, things that would cause your stress level to boil over. There are just times when we can't handle all that life is throwing our way. Lately I've been dealing with just that.

Between the precarious health of a few family members, the end of the semester, figuring out what to do with my cat while I travel this holiday season, dealing with some relationship issues, and well just day to day stress.

Last night I decided to relieve some of my stress by driving to BK and ordering some fries. So I get dressed (I was in pj's, threw on something a bit more appropriate-my jogging clothes!) and got in my car. It was a bit chilly, but actually not bad. Well, I pull up to the drive through to order and my window WON'T roll down! So something that I thought would help me deal with some stress actually added more! HUMBUG! In the grand scheme of things a window that won't roll down in Winter is not all bad, nor is it an immediate concern, but I'm mean, really, couldn't it have waited till after finals on Wednesday!?!

One of my favorite activities I do to de-stress is to bake or cook. I should know though that I can't bake when I'm super stressed because I'll get busy doing 1 (or usually 3) other things while the food is in the over. Today was no exception-today I was baking some shortbread and as it was in the over I came up here to study and check my e-mail, and the shortbread paid the price. I didn't hear the timer go off, and I well, forgot to take it out of the over! It is still edible, it isn't completely burnt, but it isn't my best effort! Oh well, if the shortbread is the only casualty of my overly stressed life than I guess I'm doing ok.

So what do you do to de-stress? What are the things that have been causing you the most stress lately? Either sound off here, or just think about it and give them over to God.

-Paige-

Concentration

Normally I'm one of those people that can focus on the job at hand, regardless of what is going outside of my focus. I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing. It is a skill I honed freshmen year of college, and it is how I was able to keep my charade up for so long, before I finally had to tell someone about my rape (and once I tore down that wall, it was down!)

This week has not been one of them. This week I have not been able to focus on my studies for anything. It is not cool. First I was sick (not to gross people out but) and it is hard to study when you are having to urp every few minutes and the world is spinning out of control.

Today, I'm finally feeling better and thinking that "YES- 48 hours to just study! I can still do well!" and then...BOOM...I get a call that someone dear to me is in the ER. So, I spend the afternoon waiting for news, and not able to concentrate on Augustine and crowd. And then I get another call, and another call, and I have to call others and share the news. So, it has not been as studious a day as I'd like. But I have tomorrow, right!?!

My goal is still to ace my finals, I just wish that it had been a more productive week leading up to it. But even so, I expect that I will do well, because I don't accept any less from myself. School is something that I generally do well at. I can't sing, draw or do ballet, but I can study and focus (generally).

Life is never as simple as I'd like it to be!

-Paige-

Pearl Harbor 68 Years Later

December 7, 1941 is a day which shall live in infamy. On that day, we Americans were attacked by Japan. Thinking about that day, and the consequences of those attacks (basically it is why we finally joined WWII) I wonder what would have happened to the course of history if Japan did not attack us? Would we still have joined the fight against Hitler on the European front? Would we have remained out of the Pacific? And, if we had remained out of the Pacific, would that have prevented other nations have becoming nuclear?

Life is full of "what-ifs" and, as Aslan says (in Prince Caspian)"It is not for us to know what would have happened." Who knows how events would have unfolded as they did. Regardless, I still like to think that our country would have done the right thing and joined in the fight.

As much as each military life loss and disability is, there is a reason that we go to war, and WWII was justified. It sucks that issues sometimes have to be resolved through war, but there are times when war is the only answer. Hitler had to be disposed of. He was evil and his evil infected many other people that helped him. His brand of evil caused the deaths of millions in camps, and way too many on the battlefield.

Another person who had to go is Saddam. He was evil as well. It doesn't matter if you think that the Iraq conflict was justified, I think you will agree that S.H. was an evil guy and it is good that is no longer with us.

I wish the Iraq War was going differently, that none of our soldiers had to sacrifice limb or life. But, I'm glad that they are over there, getting rid of people that would love to do deal evil on America. Much like the Japanese they brought this on themselves. America will not just let herself be attacked. The radical Muslims brought this on themselves. And by being over there, out military has done much to protect the homeland and keep them away from us.

We, here at home become complacent because we have not been attacked again. We don't hear on the news all the terror plots that have been thwarted. We will never know the plans that were aborted because we killed the players.

Just as we will never know how things would have played out if Japan hadn't attacked us, or if we had chosen to retaliate in a different way, we will never know just how many terror attacks have been prevented because our military has taken the fight to the Sandbox and Afghanistan.

As I think about it all and play the "what-if" game I'm thankful to live in America and to live in a country where we don't just accept an attack on our soil as fate. We do something about it, always have!

-Paige-

You Just Never Know!

I was online at www.dayspring.com to send some e-cards to some of my dear friends, to let them know that I'm thinking about them and praying for them. It was there, as I looking through the prayer section that I came across a card that just made me cry (good tears). It was titled "Somebody's Praying Me Through". I thought that I would share the testimonies on the card with y'all. They just go to show that when God prompts us to pray we need to listen and do it, because we don't know how God will use our obedience.

"The rain was coming down hard and fast, so thick we could barely make out the desert landscape ahead of us. It went on for days. The rain continued to pound us relentlessly, until we finally neared the Kuwaiti border. Our battalion halted.

On the other side the enemy waited. Rain or no rain, we'd soon be going in. We awoke on the day of the invasion to clear skies and glorious sunshine. As we closed in on the border, I couldn't help but stare at the astounding site before us. The torrential rains I had prayed to God to stop had washed away the sand to reveal metal discs planted all across the path. It was an Iraqi minefield." (Major Halt, US Army/Persian Gulf War)
**************************************

"So I prayed, "God...you've got to do something." There was an open field we had to get across somehow, but it was going to expose us to the enemy. And they were firing. Somehow, from out of nowhere, came this white cloud and surrounded us, and we made it across safely. Found out later there was this old prayer warrior at our church. Mrs. Tankersly, which God had woken up in the middle of the night and said "Spencer's in trouble, pray for him right now." And the last part of her prayer was, "God whatever danger Spencer is in, just cover him with a cloud." That's exactly what he did!" (Spencer January, WWII)
********************************************

"My teacher asked my class to write a letter to an unknown soldier in the gulf. It was a very special project for me because my daddy was also a soldier. So I told my unknown soldier what I wanted to tell my daddy...that his family missed him, loved him, and was praying for him. I wondered if any soldier would even get my letter, and then I got a letter back. I couldn't believe it--I knew the handwriting on it! And somehow, with all the solder letters sent by kids across the country, mine had been sent to my very own father. I still prayed for him every night, but I felt certain that God was watching over my father." (Karen Fiorella at age 10 daughter of Chuck Fiorella, US Army/Persian Gulf War)
*************************************

We just never know God will use our prayers and our obedience. God can do anything, with or without us, but He chooses to use the obedience of His children many times. So why don't we take the time right now to pray for everything God has out on our hearts? I know, I know- we are all busy, we don't have the time! But what is more important in the grand scheme of things- doing whatever you were doing, or praying for others???

-Paige-

109th Army-Navy Game

Well the Navy continues to dominate this rivalry. With their 34-0 shutout victory earlier today the Navy has now won 7 in a row. Congrats to the Navy.

For me, it could have gone either way, really. This is one of my favorite sporting events to watch. The rivalry is more than a century old and these boys play hard. It is football as it should be, for fun. There is no need to impress recruiters, because these guys all know where they will be upon graduation...officers in the world's best military. The game is full of tradition and played for pride, as sports should be.

But, a shut-out!?! Come on Navy, you could have let them score a field goal at least!!!

I come from a family where both my grandfathers were in the Navy as were 2 uncles. My other uncle was an Army Ranger, and now I have lots of friends that are military, and most of them have gone into the Army. So, while I grew up rooting for the Navy, I'm now having to switch my allegiance to the Army. But, I cheer where my heart is!

CONGRATS NAVY and 2009 is going to be Army's year!!!

The Real Paige Turner an Update

Now that the semester is winding down and I'm about to take my last 2 finals I can finally foresee some time to concentrate and work on my book! Wednesday and Thursday next week are going to be dedicated to nothing but working on the book.

For those of you on my newsletter list (it is addressed and just about ready to go, I just need to add stamps and actually mail on Monday) you will soon read a quick update, but those loyal blog readers that are not on my list (I'm sorry but I have to limit it to 40 for now...I'm in seminary after all! In January I'm going to try and post it here though) will have to wait.

My fervent hope is to have the book finished by my birthday (mid March). That is not all that long from now, especially considering everything else I hope to accomplish in that time: take 4 grad classes-complete 2 of them(they are online and 8 weeks long), send out my resume to LOTS of people, interview and hopefully secure a job, find an apartment in the city where my new job is, continue working with Angels n' Camouflage, lead a Bible study, and somewhere in there I need to sleep once in awhile! But, my goal is still to finish the book by mid March of 09.

So far I am through what many would consider the hardest section emotionally, but I don't actually agree. For me, the most emotional times come later, when God is teaching me just how much I have to forgive, and I realize just how much He has forgiven me. Those moments were some of my most emotional ever. To think that what I did to God is WORSE than what my rapists and attackers have done to me just floored me. But, you will have to pick up the book once it is published to read more!

Once I finish my book I will post a (copyright protected!) excerpt, and I pray that you will each want like 5 copies of the book!!!

The book is coming along, I am excited to have 2 days just to write next week, I have missed it these past weeks as I've had concentrate on the here and now activities of the end of the semester. As I work on the book and journey back through the last almost 7 years I'm so thankful to have made it through and to be able to say that "God is awesome" and that He really can pull us out of a despair that is so dark, a dark hole has more light! God can penetrate anywhere and bring light to the darkest soul, bring healing to the most broken person. I'm proof that God is at work every day, and my life is all because of Him.

So, that is the update! Have a great 2nd Sunday in advent y'all.

-Paige-

God Bless the US Military

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas! The songs are in the air, there is snow falling somewhere, the egg nog is in the fridge and the Salvation Army bell ringers are doing their thing! Whether you celebrate the religious meaning of Christmas, or it is just a time for peace and goodwill and gift giving there is one other aspect of Christmas that most people around the globe share and that is the familial aspect.

As I look toward Christmas and spend time with new friends on the East Coast, my family out here and then fly to my hometown for a hometown Christmas I can't help but think of all the military families that are making HUGE sacrifices right now.

There are so many soldiers that are either in war zones or stationed in places that have them separated from those they love this season. For every soldier there is a family and a group of friends that is going to be celebrating the holidays without their soldier at home.

The amazing about all this is that it is done WILLINGLY!!! None of these families were coerced by the government to be parted. The spouses, children, and parents would rather have their loved ones home, but they willingly said "good-bye". They do this because they understand the meaning and the cost of freedom.

Freedom and the American way of life is not just purchased in flag draped caskets, but in missed birthdays, anniversaries, Christmases; in the wife giving birth without her husband there to provide coaching. It is purchased in the military spouse packing up and moving the family halfway across the country while GI Joe or GI Jane is off fighting the bad guy. Our way of life is purchased in the lonely nights, the empty side of the bed, the gazillion of problems that the lone spouse must tackle alone, and then find a funny way to share it over a phone call or e-mail. Our freedom is purchased by Dad or Mom watching their kids grow up through webcams and pictures.

So, next time you get to hug your best friend, your sister/brother, Mom/Dad take a few moments to pause and be thankful that they are home and you are together. Families all across our country are willingly (though with tears) sacrificing time together so that you can be with yours and I can be with mine.

For all that our military FAMILIES do for us each I day I want to wish each of them a very merry Christmas and may 2009 find them reunited and more in love than ever before.

MAY GOD BLESS THE US MILITARY FAMILY!!! THANK YOU AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!

-PRT-

Things To Do When Awake at 2am

So, this morning (at 2am) I was wide awake (thus is my life) and it got me to thinking about things I can do at 2am, that do not bother my neighbors. Here is a partial list of some good things to do in the wee hours of the morning.

1. Pray- one of my favorite activities no matter what time it is

2. Read the Bible- another anytime activity

3. Read a book- I love to get lost in a good story

4. Dust- quiet, uses some energy and is pragmatic

5. Decorate for Christmas

6. Wash dishes- I've been known to wash clean dishes, just for the therapy of the activity.

7. Take a bath with a relaxing bubble bath like chamomile (sp?)

8. Get online and read blogs or send out e-mails- it is always nice to stay in touch with people. Email people you generally don't

9. Play with my cat- one of my favorite activities any time of day, she is such a sweetie pie. I love my Queens.

10. Work on the card catalog for my library- when else would I have time, but when I should be sleeping? And it needs to get done, so I can feel better about loaning out books.

11. Reorganize my closets and dresser- the repetitive nature of the activity can help woo the sandman.

And last but not least....

12. Journal- journaling and working on my book is something that I love to do and it is hard to find time during normal hours to get the work done that I want to.

IF this list does not inspire you in the wee hours, just e-mail me, because I have lots of practice being up at this time and I have MANY more suggestions!

IN CHRIST
( a sleepy, but in class) PRT

Thinking...but really I'm Procrastinating!

So I was just reading my last blog post and it got me to thinking (I should be working on an assignment that is due tomorrow at midnight...) about some things. How did the conversation in Heaven go, as God watched Adam and Eve sin?

"Look, We knew this would happen, but here it comes. With all the good food We have given them, they just couldn't resist. And they have NO idea the devastation they just put into motion. All for some measly piece of fruit. Not cool." (God the Dad)

"I know Father, I know. But, look down at them again. Don't you just bubble over with love for them and with a burning desire to rescue them from themselves?" Jesus

"I do love them, as much as I did yesterday. I just hate to see them throw all the good stuff away, for a piece of fruit, and that is worst tasting fruit in the garden too! I made sure of that."

" But now WE have a chance to show them just how much we love them, and the lengths to which WE will go to renew them and make them holy once again. I personally can't wait to crush Satan once and for all."

"All in due time JC, all in due time. These 2 will need some clothing, let Me go about doing that. But, You know what this means now. The human race has to have a perfect and holy sacrifice in order to be reconciled to ME. The sacrifice needs to be as perfect and holy as I am, anything less is just not good enough."

"As WE knew from the moment of creation, I'm going to have to be that sacrifice. And because I love each person in all of eternity I'll do it, willingly, but when I take on human flesh I'm going to need Your presence."

"I know Jesus, and I promise I'll be there, just as WE are always here for our beloved, confused creation. Look at them, trying to hide from us, and from each other. Thinking that WE can't see them, so ashamed. I do love them."

"Yes, OUR love for them is bottomless. They will never fathom it, but it is always there."

It probably didn't go quite like that, but as God watched from above HE must felt so much love and yet aggravation at the same time, as does any parent. More than anything, history and Christ have shown just how bottomless that love is. No matter what we humans do, and how many times we do it, God still loves us and is still there for us! As I think about Christmas and the true reason Christ came I'm just filled with gratitude and humility. To think that Jesus came as a baby only to die, and that He did it for ME- I don't deserve Heaven, I don't deserve God's love, but I get it all. Love is about giving what is undeserved. Isn't love just wonderful!!!

THANK YOU LORD!!!

WHY HE CAME

We have officially come upon my favorite time of the year. Advent. The time where we focus on the coming birth of Christ and all that it means for us. As much fun, and as important as it is to remember the babe in the manger there is something more important to remember this time of the year-the why. We need to remember why Jesus had to come as a baby.

In order for us to be reconciled to God there had to be a perfect, human blood sacrifice. This isn't because God is vengeful or crazy or something. It had to be this way because God is perfectly just, perfectly righteous and perfectly holy. In order to be reconciled to Him the sacrifice had to be just as perfect in every way. Jesus is the only one that fit the bill, because Jesus is 100% God and 100% man.

I was cruising through YouTube last night and I came across a song that seems to capture the true meaning of Christmas. I think it is from The Nativity Story (the movie of a couple of years ago).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyR0lwO-nXc

So, as we enjoy the goodwill, the "season's greetings", the cooler weather (I love wearing sweaters!), the lights, trees and candy canes, as we enjoy the anticipation of singing Happy Birthday to Jesus, let us also remember WHY HE CAME and remember to thank Him for His marvelous love, a love that is deeper than the universe.

HAPPY ADVENT!!!
-PRT/JLK-