We all know the cliche "Honesty is the best policy" it is an old saying, but a very true. It is easier, more freeing, and it honors Christ when we live by the policy of pursuing honesty.
Living honestly means that you are not having to make a note of what you told Joe vs. what you told Susie. Lying is too much work! You have to remember what everyone knows and what they don't know. You have to lie to cover up the lie. Lying is ungodly because we serve an honest God and we are told to reflect Him. Plus, when we are busy keeping track of our lies we do not have the time to evangelize and serve the Lord.
After my rape I didn't tell anyone what happened. For years I lied through omission. I kept the truth from everyone. Yeah, people knew something was wrong, but they didn't know what. And that act hurt people that I love. It showed a lack of trust and faith. People may say I did what I had to do to get through, but that isn't true. I was being selfish in my pain and dishonest and it made things worse. Lies, whether it be a lie you tell or the truth you hold back when you shouldn't, are harmful and not just for the person who's pants are on fire. They hurt those around us. They cause a rift in the trust level.
It is easier to do it God's way, to pursue a life of honesty. If you are lying because you think people will like you more, they won't. It may seem like they do, but they are not liking the REAL you. No one can please everyone, all the time, so why get caught up in the bondage of falsehood?
Jesus promised that "the TRUTH shall set you free" and while He was talking about himself, He was also referring to pursuing truth in all its forms. Truth is the best way. It is a very godly pursuit and should be the mark of every Christian. Live truthfully and see how things change for the better. It may be hard at the beginning, if you are having to confess sins and lies, but cling to the promise of Christ and you will be free from the guilt, shame, fear, and stress that lies bring.
Pursue purity, pursue financial wisdom and purse an honest lifestyle.
-JLK-
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
From Skeptical to Hopeful!
In March or February I blogged about my explorations into the world of online dating. I was a bit (ok a little more than a bit) skeptical about the results. I mentioned that I have a dear friend that met the man that is now her husband online. I wasn't so sure about the process and results.
Well, not long after I posted my blog I bit the bullet and signed up on match.com and I have to admit that I met a guy that so far is pretty wonderful! We talked quite a bit online and via text messaging (because well I have this thing about talking on the phone...not my favorite activity...) and we've been out on 2 dates and he's met some of dear friends.
So far it is going quite well and I'm very hopeful about what the future has. It means that I have to admit that online dating does seem to work. Who knew!?! I guess Bones was right when (in an episode in one of the earlier seasons) she said "Online dating is an objective way to meet a date and decide if they are worth pursuing" (or something to that effect---that was a good episode I should watch it again!)
JLK
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Next Post: Godly Pursuit #3 of 5 Living Honestly
Well, not long after I posted my blog I bit the bullet and signed up on match.com and I have to admit that I met a guy that so far is pretty wonderful! We talked quite a bit online and via text messaging (because well I have this thing about talking on the phone...not my favorite activity...) and we've been out on 2 dates and he's met some of dear friends.
So far it is going quite well and I'm very hopeful about what the future has. It means that I have to admit that online dating does seem to work. Who knew!?! I guess Bones was right when (in an episode in one of the earlier seasons) she said "Online dating is an objective way to meet a date and decide if they are worth pursuing" (or something to that effect---that was a good episode I should watch it again!)
JLK
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Next Post: Godly Pursuit #3 of 5 Living Honestly
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
A Look Back
I just spent a few minutes perusing some of my earliest blog posts I have here. Wow, is that a trip! I really needed to learn how to edit a blog! So, when I have a few minutes this Spring that is one thing I am going to do--edit my blogs and make sure that they make sense and do not have quite as many embarrassing errors! Since I am a writer and all, I should probably make sure I edit before I publish each blog!
I read one entry from 2007, the year this blog started (3 years ago!) and in it I talked about my dream wedding plans. Being as I'm a female I retain the right to change my mind on anything up to the day of the wedding! So, I thought I would share a few of those minor changes.
I still want Jon to officiate the wedding. I still want Kim and Gary to be involved somehow as well. Aunt Lisa will still be my pianist and I will walk into the song Jessica's Theme (from Man From Snowy River, great song! And perfect for me!). I still think I want the same 2 songs sung.
The major change would be in the colors and the location. Most likely I'd have it in Sheridan, since that is where I grew up, but a majority of my friends are here in VA, so I'd be open to finding a small church around here. For wedding colors I want navy blue and a dark red (hey-they are similar to the colors on our flag for a reason, they look great together!).
It was fun to peruse my old blog posts. I can see that I've grown and matured in many ways. I have some distance now. I am able to talk about what happened to me with the perspective of time and a lack of anger. When I read some of my old posts I can see the hurt and the anger I felt. And a lot of that has faded for me. My past is my past, I can't change it, but I don't have to let it remain baggage like I was.
I think this blog has also taken on a more evangelistic slant. Must be that LBTS affected me after all! :-)
My book is STILL in progress. Some days it feels like my kids will be in school before it is published, and I don't have any children yet!
I have also realized that I've been fairly quiet on mentioning that Favre is a grandpa. Yes, I know the man that lead my team to bringing the Lombardi Trophy home to Title town is now a traitor and plays for the Vikings, but I still respect the guy. He is an amazing athlete, even if things were not handled the way they should have been. I still hope that he has a couple more seasons left. I enjoy watching him play. And yes, I feel like a bit of a traitor saying this, but I have my cheesehead on, so it all balances out! ;-) I just wish he was still wearing GREEN and gold, that purple color...YUCK!
Traveling down memory lane was mostly fun! Next blog will be about our third Godly pursuit--using our time wisely!
-JLK-
Monday, April 19, 2010
Godly Pursuit #2: financial wisdom
For my second installment on living a godly life (something I am trying to figure out how to do) I want to talk about financial wisdom.
God wants us to be wise in the way we use the money HE blesses us with, be it millions of dollars or just enough to squeak by each month. Most of us have enough to survive, and generally more than that. Even in this down turn in the economy, God is giving us enough to live, and most of us are not doing that living in cardboard boxes.
We may not have all that we want, but if we do this money thing the way the Lord tells us to, we will have the security to know that God will take care of us. The first thing to learn is to always tithe--that is to give back to God what HE deserves. It is really all His anyway.
When you are living on a month to month, trying to buy enough groceries and figure out how to keep the landlord's and bill collectors happy type budget it is hard to imagine giving 10% of that $ to the Lord. TEN percent!!! That is a lot of food money you may think. But it is amazing to see how much farther your budget can stretch if you are in the habit of tithing. The Lord blesses those that do things His way.
So, we know that tithing is a good idea. But that isn't all there is to financial wisdom, I should know. Learning to live in a financially godly way is something that at 27 I am still endeavoring to learn, and probably will be learning my whole life.
Some of the things I have learned that I TRY to implement (and I'm writing this as an imperfect person that is preaching to myself...because who actually reads this blog???) is to set up a realistic budget and stick to it. No matter how much $$$ you have, be it access to the Trump's vault, or a welfare check, if you set up a realistic budget and stick to it, you are learning wise $ management. The point here is to STICK to the budget. It is a waste of time to make one if you are going to ignore it.
Another thing I have learned is to be creative. Yeah, going to Disney World sounds exciting, visiting friends that live across the country would be great, but is it worth going into debt? Come up with creative ways to have fun. America is a vast place, and there are people from all over our country that travel to YOUR area to vacation. Most locals don't vacation where they live. So why not see the sights--it is quite cheap and could be enlightening. Or, if you want to do dinner with friends have a potluck. It is just as fun as going out to eat, you could even make it a dressy affair, and it is budget friendly. Think outside the box for activities. Being creative takes more thinking, but it is generally more fun too!
A third part of financial wisdom is preparing for a rainy day. No matter how little we make we should be putting a little bit in savings (be it in a bank account or under the mattress), because only God knows the future. Even if it is only $5/month, it is something and God will bless the foresight and sacrifice.
A fourth part is to settle for the simple life. The simple life is not a bad life. Think about it, who seems most fulfilled really? The hoi ploi that are trying to better each other and have the biggest and the best, or the less financially endowed, but those that know that money isn't everything? Money is necessary and having it may simplify some things, but it complicates other things. Like everything else in life, money is two sided.
Money is needed to survive in our culture, but with money comes responsibility and stress. Responsibility to live within your means and stress when you are blessed with a larger budget. I've read articles and talked to people that have been quite blessed financially and one thing they seem to have in common-they wonder who their real friends are. Lots of people will try to get into "your circle" when you have money, because they want to benefit from your blessing. So, with money comes a need to figure out who are the true friends and who are the sponges. Right now, I know who my true friends are, I know who I can count on, and that is worth far more than having unlimited cash.
Yes, I'd love to have a budget that is a bit more elastic and less rigid. If I'm being honest, I'd like to experience what it is like to be rich. But being money rich is not necessary. Yes, I hope to make a decent amount from my book (and hopefully more than one book), but I don't want it so that I can dive in my money vault like Scrooge McDuck.
And that is the final secret to financial wisdom. God is a master at looking at our hearts. If we are tithing, living within our budgets, being creative that is all good, but God also looks at the heart. Are we doing all this in the hopes that God will see our actions and deem us blessing worthy, or do we truly have a steward's heart? Deep down why are trying to be financially wise? If we are doing it because we honestly believe it is God's way, that is what matters. Our convictions and our heart followed by displaying those through deeds is what God looks for-that is the crux of living Godly.
The human part of me wants money because it buys stuff--and God knows that is a struggle for most people, and I'm totally included in that group. I like stuff, especially movies and books. I'm a bookaholic. I read just about an anything and everything and I am most comfortable when surrounded by books. But, God also knows why I want to make a bit more money, and here is the truth, here is Jessie being honest.
1. I'm deeply indebted to my parents. Not only for their immense generosity, but for their love and because I love them back. I want to be able to give back and support them in a lavish way, because my love language is gift giving. Having money would be how I can show them in a material way that love them.
2. God has taken me on an incredible journey and I have learned so much about Him. I want to be able to share HIS story with others, and hopefully help others to avoid the pain and the trials I have endured, and to help people that are in the midst of blinding trials to see the Light of Hope and to endure the trials and be Christ matured by them. It takes money to do this, to get from my home to where I want to speak.
3. I want to be able to travel. Traveling to visit friends that I love, and to see other parts of the world. Traveling is one way that I grow closer to God. Seeing all that God has created and learning just a smidgen of how imaginative our Savior is, just blows my mind and draws me even closer to Him and I yearn to have an even deeper relationship with my Lord.
4. It is the way the Lord wants me to live. Being financially wise is godly. It is mature and it is a better witness to others. We dim our reflection of Christ when we act in financially foolish ways. Our mission is to spread Christ's message and gift to others, and if that means living financially wise, than that is what I yearn to do. I want to do it simply because it is the right thing to do.
-JLK-
God wants us to be wise in the way we use the money HE blesses us with, be it millions of dollars or just enough to squeak by each month. Most of us have enough to survive, and generally more than that. Even in this down turn in the economy, God is giving us enough to live, and most of us are not doing that living in cardboard boxes.
We may not have all that we want, but if we do this money thing the way the Lord tells us to, we will have the security to know that God will take care of us. The first thing to learn is to always tithe--that is to give back to God what HE deserves. It is really all His anyway.
When you are living on a month to month, trying to buy enough groceries and figure out how to keep the landlord's and bill collectors happy type budget it is hard to imagine giving 10% of that $ to the Lord. TEN percent!!! That is a lot of food money you may think. But it is amazing to see how much farther your budget can stretch if you are in the habit of tithing. The Lord blesses those that do things His way.
So, we know that tithing is a good idea. But that isn't all there is to financial wisdom, I should know. Learning to live in a financially godly way is something that at 27 I am still endeavoring to learn, and probably will be learning my whole life.
Some of the things I have learned that I TRY to implement (and I'm writing this as an imperfect person that is preaching to myself...because who actually reads this blog???) is to set up a realistic budget and stick to it. No matter how much $$$ you have, be it access to the Trump's vault, or a welfare check, if you set up a realistic budget and stick to it, you are learning wise $ management. The point here is to STICK to the budget. It is a waste of time to make one if you are going to ignore it.
Another thing I have learned is to be creative. Yeah, going to Disney World sounds exciting, visiting friends that live across the country would be great, but is it worth going into debt? Come up with creative ways to have fun. America is a vast place, and there are people from all over our country that travel to YOUR area to vacation. Most locals don't vacation where they live. So why not see the sights--it is quite cheap and could be enlightening. Or, if you want to do dinner with friends have a potluck. It is just as fun as going out to eat, you could even make it a dressy affair, and it is budget friendly. Think outside the box for activities. Being creative takes more thinking, but it is generally more fun too!
A third part of financial wisdom is preparing for a rainy day. No matter how little we make we should be putting a little bit in savings (be it in a bank account or under the mattress), because only God knows the future. Even if it is only $5/month, it is something and God will bless the foresight and sacrifice.
A fourth part is to settle for the simple life. The simple life is not a bad life. Think about it, who seems most fulfilled really? The hoi ploi that are trying to better each other and have the biggest and the best, or the less financially endowed, but those that know that money isn't everything? Money is necessary and having it may simplify some things, but it complicates other things. Like everything else in life, money is two sided.
Money is needed to survive in our culture, but with money comes responsibility and stress. Responsibility to live within your means and stress when you are blessed with a larger budget. I've read articles and talked to people that have been quite blessed financially and one thing they seem to have in common-they wonder who their real friends are. Lots of people will try to get into "your circle" when you have money, because they want to benefit from your blessing. So, with money comes a need to figure out who are the true friends and who are the sponges. Right now, I know who my true friends are, I know who I can count on, and that is worth far more than having unlimited cash.
Yes, I'd love to have a budget that is a bit more elastic and less rigid. If I'm being honest, I'd like to experience what it is like to be rich. But being money rich is not necessary. Yes, I hope to make a decent amount from my book (and hopefully more than one book), but I don't want it so that I can dive in my money vault like Scrooge McDuck.
And that is the final secret to financial wisdom. God is a master at looking at our hearts. If we are tithing, living within our budgets, being creative that is all good, but God also looks at the heart. Are we doing all this in the hopes that God will see our actions and deem us blessing worthy, or do we truly have a steward's heart? Deep down why are trying to be financially wise? If we are doing it because we honestly believe it is God's way, that is what matters. Our convictions and our heart followed by displaying those through deeds is what God looks for-that is the crux of living Godly.
The human part of me wants money because it buys stuff--and God knows that is a struggle for most people, and I'm totally included in that group. I like stuff, especially movies and books. I'm a bookaholic. I read just about an anything and everything and I am most comfortable when surrounded by books. But, God also knows why I want to make a bit more money, and here is the truth, here is Jessie being honest.
1. I'm deeply indebted to my parents. Not only for their immense generosity, but for their love and because I love them back. I want to be able to give back and support them in a lavish way, because my love language is gift giving. Having money would be how I can show them in a material way that love them.
2. God has taken me on an incredible journey and I have learned so much about Him. I want to be able to share HIS story with others, and hopefully help others to avoid the pain and the trials I have endured, and to help people that are in the midst of blinding trials to see the Light of Hope and to endure the trials and be Christ matured by them. It takes money to do this, to get from my home to where I want to speak.
3. I want to be able to travel. Traveling to visit friends that I love, and to see other parts of the world. Traveling is one way that I grow closer to God. Seeing all that God has created and learning just a smidgen of how imaginative our Savior is, just blows my mind and draws me even closer to Him and I yearn to have an even deeper relationship with my Lord.
4. It is the way the Lord wants me to live. Being financially wise is godly. It is mature and it is a better witness to others. We dim our reflection of Christ when we act in financially foolish ways. Our mission is to spread Christ's message and gift to others, and if that means living financially wise, than that is what I yearn to do. I want to do it simply because it is the right thing to do.
-JLK-
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Godly Pursuits: Purity
I want to begin a series on Godly Pursuits. This should last the rest of the month. The first pursuit I want to discuss is Purity.
When we hear the word purity, we think of cleanliness, of something being untouched, or in it's natural form. We also think of virginity. And yes, a virgin is considered pure, but are virgins (or married people that have only slept with each other) the only pure ones?
This is something that I struggled with for a long time after I was raped. I felt unclean and impure. This is a common reaction among rape victims. You shower, you scrub, you take layers of skin off, but you still can't clean the filth that is covering you because it is a filth that touches the soul.
Lots of people also look at prostitutes, and people that choose to sleep with lots of partners as unclean/impure. And yes, it isn't God's way for us to have multiple sex partners. But, does that mean that we are forever blemished? Am I a "Humpty Dumpty" because after my rape I chose to have sex with a man that is not my husband, that I don't even know where he lives now? Because I made that decision more than once?
I used to think that I was forever tarnished. The truth is that God's standard is sex only with your spouse, and that we only marry once in our lifetimes (He did design us for long life, so being a widow/widower was not in His original plan). If we go outside that plan, we are tarnished, but just like buffing can make an old pot gleam again, God can take the tarnish away from our lives.
God forgives, and God purifies. Once we sincerely confess our sins, HE is faithful and will forgive our sins! In the eyes of holy God, we are pure once more! Once we are polished, we need to strive to remain clean, there needs to be upkeep. But, we can be pure once more.
But, what does a pure life look like? The word is thrown around so much, that it is almost meaningless in today's society. Purity doesn't mean that we are backwards, that we don't have fun, that we are "weird". It means that we have chosen a higher standard of living. Purity is all about choice. I choose what I will do. I choose how I will act. I choose to say NO to some things that the world may think is benign, but that I know isn't.
Abstinence can be a part of a pure life, but purity and abstinence are not synonyms. Purity is bigger than just sex. Using sex the wrong way is just one way to sin. But, it isn't the only sin. Lying, stealing, killing, idolotry, selfishness, pride, etc. they are all sins, and they are all equal in cost. They all tarnish our lives, add in impurities.
God wants us to pursue purity in all its forms. God wants us to use sex right, if we do, it is amazing! God wants us to keep our bodies/HIS temple clean. God wants us be vigilant in what we choose to watch, listen to, read. Our goal should be to realize that God is always with us, always watching, and we need to live knowing this. Purity is not one thing, it is a way of life and it is indeed a godly pursuit.
We choose to live a pure life-pure in action and thought not so that we can look down on others and say "Oh just look at THAT sinner!" but so that we can reflect Christ. We live pure so that we can show others there is a better way, and it isn't backward, it is MORE fun, because it comes with less guilt and less heartache.
Face it, sleeping with multiple partners may be orgasmic in the moment, but even the world recognizes that it comes at a high price, that we give a part of ourselves to all our partners, and most won't cherish the gift. The sex part of purity, once it is tarnished can be cleaned, but it doesn't shine quite as brightly. Yes, God forgives, but He also allows consequences. Living a pure life is the best way to avoid those consequences.
We are pure in what we say because it is easier. It is easier to remember the truth than a bunch of lies, so why lie? It is easier to keep our eyes from looking at impure images than trying to hide our "hobby" from the world. Purity is a godly pursuit because it is living right, and it is EASIER! If we truly live God's way, pursue His path, we will not always find it stress free, it will not be all mountain top experiences, but it in the long run, it is easier to do the right thing than keep track and try to hide a myriad of sins.
So, pursue purity and see how better life is!
-JLK-
When we hear the word purity, we think of cleanliness, of something being untouched, or in it's natural form. We also think of virginity. And yes, a virgin is considered pure, but are virgins (or married people that have only slept with each other) the only pure ones?
This is something that I struggled with for a long time after I was raped. I felt unclean and impure. This is a common reaction among rape victims. You shower, you scrub, you take layers of skin off, but you still can't clean the filth that is covering you because it is a filth that touches the soul.
Lots of people also look at prostitutes, and people that choose to sleep with lots of partners as unclean/impure. And yes, it isn't God's way for us to have multiple sex partners. But, does that mean that we are forever blemished? Am I a "Humpty Dumpty" because after my rape I chose to have sex with a man that is not my husband, that I don't even know where he lives now? Because I made that decision more than once?
I used to think that I was forever tarnished. The truth is that God's standard is sex only with your spouse, and that we only marry once in our lifetimes (He did design us for long life, so being a widow/widower was not in His original plan). If we go outside that plan, we are tarnished, but just like buffing can make an old pot gleam again, God can take the tarnish away from our lives.
God forgives, and God purifies. Once we sincerely confess our sins, HE is faithful and will forgive our sins! In the eyes of holy God, we are pure once more! Once we are polished, we need to strive to remain clean, there needs to be upkeep. But, we can be pure once more.
But, what does a pure life look like? The word is thrown around so much, that it is almost meaningless in today's society. Purity doesn't mean that we are backwards, that we don't have fun, that we are "weird". It means that we have chosen a higher standard of living. Purity is all about choice. I choose what I will do. I choose how I will act. I choose to say NO to some things that the world may think is benign, but that I know isn't.
Abstinence can be a part of a pure life, but purity and abstinence are not synonyms. Purity is bigger than just sex. Using sex the wrong way is just one way to sin. But, it isn't the only sin. Lying, stealing, killing, idolotry, selfishness, pride, etc. they are all sins, and they are all equal in cost. They all tarnish our lives, add in impurities.
God wants us to pursue purity in all its forms. God wants us to use sex right, if we do, it is amazing! God wants us to keep our bodies/HIS temple clean. God wants us be vigilant in what we choose to watch, listen to, read. Our goal should be to realize that God is always with us, always watching, and we need to live knowing this. Purity is not one thing, it is a way of life and it is indeed a godly pursuit.
We choose to live a pure life-pure in action and thought not so that we can look down on others and say "Oh just look at THAT sinner!" but so that we can reflect Christ. We live pure so that we can show others there is a better way, and it isn't backward, it is MORE fun, because it comes with less guilt and less heartache.
Face it, sleeping with multiple partners may be orgasmic in the moment, but even the world recognizes that it comes at a high price, that we give a part of ourselves to all our partners, and most won't cherish the gift. The sex part of purity, once it is tarnished can be cleaned, but it doesn't shine quite as brightly. Yes, God forgives, but He also allows consequences. Living a pure life is the best way to avoid those consequences.
We are pure in what we say because it is easier. It is easier to remember the truth than a bunch of lies, so why lie? It is easier to keep our eyes from looking at impure images than trying to hide our "hobby" from the world. Purity is a godly pursuit because it is living right, and it is EASIER! If we truly live God's way, pursue His path, we will not always find it stress free, it will not be all mountain top experiences, but it in the long run, it is easier to do the right thing than keep track and try to hide a myriad of sins.
So, pursue purity and see how better life is!
-JLK-
Monday, April 12, 2010
A Strange Feeling
I know, I've updated this blog a lot lately--when it rains it pours and when it is dry it is a drought! Tonight I am feeling like I generally do when I am under the weather, GNARLY.
It came on throughout the afternoon. I started feeling hot and achy--which I attributed to 1. wearing a long sleeve shirt and dress slacks in 70+ weather and 2. my R.A. acting up a little bit. So, I didn't really worry too much. I'm on meds, I try to eat healthy (most of the time), I exercise regularly and I am on the Juice Plus system. So, I figured it was nothing to fret about.
As the afternoon progressed I changed into shorts and tank and still felt hot and achy and then toward late afternoon/early evening I felt the tentacles of a migraine creeping up on me. That, mixed with the other two symptoms and I began to get a sneaky suspicion about things. So, I did the wise thing and crawled into bed.
I tried to nap, really I did. I stayed in bed, but couldn't get comfortable (who can when they ache, are sweating but have chills and light and sound is an abomination?). So I moved out to the living room and figured I'd crash on my wonderful new sofa.
I once again tried to sleep, because quite frankly I don't feel good. It is one of those feelings where, if I was 20 years younger I'd be whining to Mom and Dad, and expecting them to make it go away. But, I've learned in my life that being sick doesn't just go away. The body has to fight it. And to fight the ' I don't feel good', I need rest.
YET--here I am at 2300 and I'm totally keyed up. I feel awful, but I can't sleep. I have all this false energy that is keeping me awake. My mind is saying "Do something" my body is saying "Rest and give me a chance to get better, for the Love, woman, rest already!"
Yes, I am it seems, a bit schizo tonight! I'm like this a lot when I get sick. I want to rest, I want to get better, I want to be able to do everything I have planned for tomorrow and Wednesday, but I can't seem to make my mind listen to my body. It is a strange feeling.
So I am here, typing, even though 'Stomp' is rehearsing in my skull while I'm attempting to do a world record number of barrel rolls in a fighter jet (or so it feels). It seems that I need to learn how to rest.
-JLK-
It came on throughout the afternoon. I started feeling hot and achy--which I attributed to 1. wearing a long sleeve shirt and dress slacks in 70+ weather and 2. my R.A. acting up a little bit. So, I didn't really worry too much. I'm on meds, I try to eat healthy (most of the time), I exercise regularly and I am on the Juice Plus system. So, I figured it was nothing to fret about.
As the afternoon progressed I changed into shorts and tank and still felt hot and achy and then toward late afternoon/early evening I felt the tentacles of a migraine creeping up on me. That, mixed with the other two symptoms and I began to get a sneaky suspicion about things. So, I did the wise thing and crawled into bed.
I tried to nap, really I did. I stayed in bed, but couldn't get comfortable (who can when they ache, are sweating but have chills and light and sound is an abomination?). So I moved out to the living room and figured I'd crash on my wonderful new sofa.
I once again tried to sleep, because quite frankly I don't feel good. It is one of those feelings where, if I was 20 years younger I'd be whining to Mom and Dad, and expecting them to make it go away. But, I've learned in my life that being sick doesn't just go away. The body has to fight it. And to fight the ' I don't feel good', I need rest.
YET--here I am at 2300 and I'm totally keyed up. I feel awful, but I can't sleep. I have all this false energy that is keeping me awake. My mind is saying "Do something" my body is saying "Rest and give me a chance to get better, for the Love, woman, rest already!"
Yes, I am it seems, a bit schizo tonight! I'm like this a lot when I get sick. I want to rest, I want to get better, I want to be able to do everything I have planned for tomorrow and Wednesday, but I can't seem to make my mind listen to my body. It is a strange feeling.
So I am here, typing, even though 'Stomp' is rehearsing in my skull while I'm attempting to do a world record number of barrel rolls in a fighter jet (or so it feels). It seems that I need to learn how to rest.
-JLK-
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Army Wives and Shattered Dreams
I just finished watching the season 4 premier of Army Wives. I don't want to give anything way, just in case there are fans that haven't seen it yet (though why you would wait I don't know). I will just say that it looks like the best season yet, and that my favorite "villain" is back on post! I love the show, it shows relationships and touches on current psychological issues that are actually happening to our military men and women.
Talking about psychology let me back track to earlier today. At church this morning my pastor aired an interview he had with Joni Erickson Tada. She is an amazing woman, the way that she just trusts in the Lord and through all that she has experienced she has found ways to bring glory to God and share His love with people all around the globe. The interview had me in tears, because I know what it is like to be paralyzed by fears.
Mrs. Tada is actually in a wheelchair, but for years after my rape I was paralyzed by fear, by anger, by resentment, by PTSD-and all that those 4 letters encompass. My scars and injuries were easier to hide from the world than her's were (and are), but they were just as devastating in many ways.
We are also similar in one other area--we have been able to move beyond the pain because there were people that loved us enough to faithfully pray for us. If it wasn't for my family and friends that were praying for me I probably wouldn't be here. I believe it was the prayers that saved me the night I tried to commit suicide. How else can one explain how I survived after taking so many pills, and NOT going to the hospital to have my stomach pumped?
My life was full of shattered dreams. I was mired in despair, and even now there are times when I wish things could be a little bit different. I don't think that is wrong. Jesus wanted to change things! In the garden HE prayed for God to change it so that HE didn't have to be crucified. It isn't the wishing that is ungodly, it is living in the Land of If Only. Jesus wished for things to change, but HE accepted reality and dealt with it. I have had to learn that skill. A wish is fine for a moment, but we have to accept what has happened and learn to use our circumstances to bring glory to Lord. When God is glorified our trials pale in significance.
When one dream shatters that could be that God is preparing us for something even better! So often we humans dream so small. Our fantasies are just a drop in the bucket compared to what God wants to lavish us with.
I remember when I was in college I prayed to marry a certain boy- I was madly in love. That dream was shattered when I learned that he was marrying someone else. Yet, looking back on it, I am glad that God didn't say "Sure" because I most likely wouldn't be working on my PhD and living in VA right now. I love where I am in life. What I have now is better than I imagined things would be when I prayed those prayers.
I have amazing friends, a family that I love and can count on. I have schoolwork that is challenging, a cat that entertains me, and most of all, a God that is head over heels in love with me, to the point that I am treated like a princess! People think my cat is spoiled, that is nothing compared to how God spoils each of us! He gives us a sunrise to start the day, people to interact with (to bless and be blessed by), music to fill our souls and remind us of HIM, and a sunset to end each day!
It is when our dreams are shattered, when our lives take an unexpected turn, that we can expect to see and feel God working. God is a master at working in what we consider to be the muck. Because, that is when we are most willing to look for Him. It is tragic that so many of us take the good for granted, like we deserve it, like we deserve all the blessings God gives us. Guess what? We don't! Every good and beautiful thing is a blessing, a gift from above.
So take a moment to thank God for your blessings, thank HIM for being so indulgent, and take a moment to look at the times you experienced a shattered dream. I bet that you will see God at work in those moments!
-JLK-
Talking about psychology let me back track to earlier today. At church this morning my pastor aired an interview he had with Joni Erickson Tada. She is an amazing woman, the way that she just trusts in the Lord and through all that she has experienced she has found ways to bring glory to God and share His love with people all around the globe. The interview had me in tears, because I know what it is like to be paralyzed by fears.
Mrs. Tada is actually in a wheelchair, but for years after my rape I was paralyzed by fear, by anger, by resentment, by PTSD-and all that those 4 letters encompass. My scars and injuries were easier to hide from the world than her's were (and are), but they were just as devastating in many ways.
We are also similar in one other area--we have been able to move beyond the pain because there were people that loved us enough to faithfully pray for us. If it wasn't for my family and friends that were praying for me I probably wouldn't be here. I believe it was the prayers that saved me the night I tried to commit suicide. How else can one explain how I survived after taking so many pills, and NOT going to the hospital to have my stomach pumped?
My life was full of shattered dreams. I was mired in despair, and even now there are times when I wish things could be a little bit different. I don't think that is wrong. Jesus wanted to change things! In the garden HE prayed for God to change it so that HE didn't have to be crucified. It isn't the wishing that is ungodly, it is living in the Land of If Only. Jesus wished for things to change, but HE accepted reality and dealt with it. I have had to learn that skill. A wish is fine for a moment, but we have to accept what has happened and learn to use our circumstances to bring glory to Lord. When God is glorified our trials pale in significance.
When one dream shatters that could be that God is preparing us for something even better! So often we humans dream so small. Our fantasies are just a drop in the bucket compared to what God wants to lavish us with.
I remember when I was in college I prayed to marry a certain boy- I was madly in love. That dream was shattered when I learned that he was marrying someone else. Yet, looking back on it, I am glad that God didn't say "Sure" because I most likely wouldn't be working on my PhD and living in VA right now. I love where I am in life. What I have now is better than I imagined things would be when I prayed those prayers.
I have amazing friends, a family that I love and can count on. I have schoolwork that is challenging, a cat that entertains me, and most of all, a God that is head over heels in love with me, to the point that I am treated like a princess! People think my cat is spoiled, that is nothing compared to how God spoils each of us! He gives us a sunrise to start the day, people to interact with (to bless and be blessed by), music to fill our souls and remind us of HIM, and a sunset to end each day!
It is when our dreams are shattered, when our lives take an unexpected turn, that we can expect to see and feel God working. God is a master at working in what we consider to be the muck. Because, that is when we are most willing to look for Him. It is tragic that so many of us take the good for granted, like we deserve it, like we deserve all the blessings God gives us. Guess what? We don't! Every good and beautiful thing is a blessing, a gift from above.
So take a moment to thank God for your blessings, thank HIM for being so indulgent, and take a moment to look at the times you experienced a shattered dream. I bet that you will see God at work in those moments!
-JLK-
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Living in the Moment
I woke around 0430 and could not fall back to save my life this morning. So, with Queenie (my cat) on my lap, curled up under a warm blanket I turned on my tv and watched a few episodes of NCIS that I had recorded on my dvr (wonderful invention!)
One of the things that I have been thinking about lately, what with my life situation (school, work, choir, friends/family/person trials, etc) right now, what is life about?
Oh, I know that we are created to bring glory to God. But just how do you do that? That was on my mind this morning. I know that we follow His rules-we love Him first and foremost (He did create us and then when we screwed up and sin entered the picture He made a way for us to still gain an eternity with Him--the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ).
I think another part of the picture, and it is something that I'm just now learning to do, is to live in the moment. The past shapes us, the future intrigues us, but the moments-they belong us, and it is our job to make the most of each moment.
It is by living in the moment that we can fully enjoy a beautiful summer sunrise, a breathtaking sunset, or a night spent under the stars. Each life is a collection of moments, why not make the most of them?
I'm a dreamer, a planner. I like to think about the future and what could happen. And in many ways it is important to be prepared, but by focusing on the future I miss the moments-the now. I think there will be beauty in learning to enjoy the ordinary, because what is ordinary when you take the time to see God in it? God is so far from ordinary that nothing He touches (and He touches everything) can be ordinary, really.
In some ways I'm good at the moments--I love to people watch and imagine what is going on- to create stories about the people I see. Yet, for all my people watching I'm not nearly as good at analyzing myself. I shy away, because I know what I will find- a flawed and sinful human, a woman that constantly lets the Lord down and screws up. But, it is necessary to examine ourselves, to be looking at those flaws, the sins and find ways to fix the flaws and not repeat the sins.
God doesn't expect me to be perfect, I'm incapable. So why do I expect it of myself? Why can't I just live in the moment and do my best? So, my goal for this Spring is to work on it. To get better at living in the moments. To seek forgiveness from the Lord when I screw up, because I will, and to try and forgive myself-to cut myself the same slack that I give others. I don't expect my friends to perfect, yet I have a high standard for myself, and high standards are great, but there also has to be mercy.
Christ tells us "love your neighbor as you love yourself." Which implies that we love ourselves. Something that can be hard to do, because we know who we are, we are intimately knowledgeable about us. But, if God sees us even better and He loves us, we should do likewise. Flaws happen, sin happens, we learn from it, try not to repeat it, and move on to the next moment.
Happy Saturday!
-JLK-
One of the things that I have been thinking about lately, what with my life situation (school, work, choir, friends/family/person trials, etc) right now, what is life about?
Oh, I know that we are created to bring glory to God. But just how do you do that? That was on my mind this morning. I know that we follow His rules-we love Him first and foremost (He did create us and then when we screwed up and sin entered the picture He made a way for us to still gain an eternity with Him--the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ).
I think another part of the picture, and it is something that I'm just now learning to do, is to live in the moment. The past shapes us, the future intrigues us, but the moments-they belong us, and it is our job to make the most of each moment.
It is by living in the moment that we can fully enjoy a beautiful summer sunrise, a breathtaking sunset, or a night spent under the stars. Each life is a collection of moments, why not make the most of them?
I'm a dreamer, a planner. I like to think about the future and what could happen. And in many ways it is important to be prepared, but by focusing on the future I miss the moments-the now. I think there will be beauty in learning to enjoy the ordinary, because what is ordinary when you take the time to see God in it? God is so far from ordinary that nothing He touches (and He touches everything) can be ordinary, really.
In some ways I'm good at the moments--I love to people watch and imagine what is going on- to create stories about the people I see. Yet, for all my people watching I'm not nearly as good at analyzing myself. I shy away, because I know what I will find- a flawed and sinful human, a woman that constantly lets the Lord down and screws up. But, it is necessary to examine ourselves, to be looking at those flaws, the sins and find ways to fix the flaws and not repeat the sins.
God doesn't expect me to be perfect, I'm incapable. So why do I expect it of myself? Why can't I just live in the moment and do my best? So, my goal for this Spring is to work on it. To get better at living in the moments. To seek forgiveness from the Lord when I screw up, because I will, and to try and forgive myself-to cut myself the same slack that I give others. I don't expect my friends to perfect, yet I have a high standard for myself, and high standards are great, but there also has to be mercy.
Christ tells us "love your neighbor as you love yourself." Which implies that we love ourselves. Something that can be hard to do, because we know who we are, we are intimately knowledgeable about us. But, if God sees us even better and He loves us, we should do likewise. Flaws happen, sin happens, we learn from it, try not to repeat it, and move on to the next moment.
Happy Saturday!
-JLK-
Monday, April 5, 2010
The Conclusion...
When last I posted, Jesus had been crucified. Killed for the sins of many, even though He was the only without sin. He was humiliated, tortured, abandoned by His friends, family and by God.
Now, we are there. It is Saturday. Jesus died yesterday. The Sabbath is about to begin, so we have to do something. Jesus' body shouldn't just be left out in the open, but there are some burial traditions that can't happen till after the sabbath. Just as we are beginning to worry a rich man offers the use of his tomb. How generous! Jesus now has somewhere to rest for eternity (we think). He is quickly wrapped and entombed.
The religious and governmental leaders are aware that He preached that He would come back to life. The last thing they need is for a rumor of His coming back to life to start, so a heavy stone is shoved in front of the tomb and well trained guards are sent to protect it--to keep people from going into the tomb, taking the body and claiming that Jesus rose.
For all logical purposes it is over. People will realize Jesus died, His body will stay in the tomb, it will be guarded so no falsehoods can start, and after awhile people will go back to their business and life will go on, and the "Jesus problem" will be solved.
That is how it must have felt that Somber Saturday. Jesus was gone, and yeah Lazarus came forth from the tomb, but Jesus was dead and dead men perform no miracles. The disciples were huddling in an upper room, fearful of the mob that was there for Passover, of the repercussions they would face for having been taken in by this guy that claimed to be God, but died just like all the rest.
Saturday...24 hours that came and went...the sun rose, the sun heated the ground, the disciples hid, the sun set, the moon came out and the first post Jesus day was over.
Sunday...the sun rose and the sabbath was over, so Jesus' mother went with a friend to the tomb of her son, to deal with his body. How much grief must she have felt. What was she thinking? She, the one that gave birth to this baby that came about even though she knew she was a virgin. Mary knew something was special about her son. She watched the shepherds, angels and wise men worship and honor him. She saw him help her and a friend by turning water into fine wine. Yet, even Mary thought He was long dead, she was preparing to anoint His body and finish the burial traditions. That doesn't sound like a woman that has much hope that the story has another chapter.
The women arrive at the tomb and are discussing how to get the stone away when they are blinded by a light. A light so bright they must cover their eyes--a brilliance that can only come from Heaven. The guards are passed out, the stone has been moved and perched upon it is an angel! A heavenly being sent to proclaim a message that he must have been just bursting to share!
"He is not here! He has risen! He said He would! Go! He is risen!"
Just imagine you are the angels. You know that Jesus has to come and die, because you've been there for millenia with the Lord in Heaven. Yet, you don't really understand how much the Lord loves these creatures that so often sin and go against holy God. The worst day you've experienced as an angel was the day before, when you had to sit back and watch them kill Jesus. You have the power to save Him, but God won't let you and Jesus refuses to ask for your help.
Now it is Sunday, the day that Jesus chooses to come out of the tomb and show the world that He is God and that He defeated death. Heaven had to be one big party! Heavenly creatures flying back and forth shouting "Holy, Holy, He is Risen! He has earned His rightful spot! Praise the Lamb! Our God reigns! Hallelujah! Down with Satan! The Lamb has won!"
The angel that was allowed the privilege of telling humans that Christ was no longer dead was given an important and exciting task- "He lives! Jesus lives! Tell His friends! Tell EVERYONE! He is risen!"
The women quickly run to tell the disciples. Mary, Jesus' mother had to be beside herself, "I knew it! My Son lives, HE IS God, HE IS the MESSIAH!" How must her mother's heart have jumped for joy! As she is running to tell the others she comes across a sight that just floored her. Her son, the babe that she carried for 9 months, that she nursed, taught to walk, taught to read, and loved. The son that she watched be flogged, mocked, tortured, humiliated, the son whose body she cradled in death, HE was RIGHT THERE! In front of her, walking, talking and ALIVE!
The Bible contains a small portion of that conversation, but I imagine that it lasted longer, but it was a conversation not for the masses, but between mother and first born son. "Oh Jesus, you are alive! I love you, I'm so glad." This woman was given back her son! I think after she worshiped her Messiah she got up and hugged her son.
Jesus did die on that cross, but that is just part of the story. The conclusion to that chapter of life is just that...life. Jesus rose from the dead. The disciples didn't make up a story, the body didn't just disappear. Jesus isn't in any tomb because He is no longer dead! He is alive! He is the defeater of death, the Lord, the Messiah of not just the Jews, but of EVERYONE. Sin compelled Jesus to the cross, love kept Him on the cross, but deity brought Him back to life.
It is now up to each of us to choose whether or not we believe. God only does so much, and it is huge--He offers us salvation-Heaven for eternity. We have to choose to believe and accept the gift. If we do, we don't have to worry about death, eternity, a bad economy, fire, heights, roller-coasters, anything. We have the Lord, the God that is more powerful than our sin, than death by our side.
In this world we will face troubles. Christians are not immune to the suffering caused by living in a world that is polluted by sin, but we have a future that is so glorious we can't even imagine it. We have a God that is beside us, within us, helping us to make the right decisions and to exhibit grace through it all. Our trials may be awful, but they will end. Maybe in death, maybe not, but they will end because God came, lived, died and rose again!
Would you rather go through this life with all its ups and downs knowing that the future is nothing but amazing, or would you rather go through this life with all its ups and downs knowing that this is as good as it gets?
I choose to "Say yes to Jesus" to accept His gift and all that comes with it.
-JLK-
Now, we are there. It is Saturday. Jesus died yesterday. The Sabbath is about to begin, so we have to do something. Jesus' body shouldn't just be left out in the open, but there are some burial traditions that can't happen till after the sabbath. Just as we are beginning to worry a rich man offers the use of his tomb. How generous! Jesus now has somewhere to rest for eternity (we think). He is quickly wrapped and entombed.
The religious and governmental leaders are aware that He preached that He would come back to life. The last thing they need is for a rumor of His coming back to life to start, so a heavy stone is shoved in front of the tomb and well trained guards are sent to protect it--to keep people from going into the tomb, taking the body and claiming that Jesus rose.
For all logical purposes it is over. People will realize Jesus died, His body will stay in the tomb, it will be guarded so no falsehoods can start, and after awhile people will go back to their business and life will go on, and the "Jesus problem" will be solved.
That is how it must have felt that Somber Saturday. Jesus was gone, and yeah Lazarus came forth from the tomb, but Jesus was dead and dead men perform no miracles. The disciples were huddling in an upper room, fearful of the mob that was there for Passover, of the repercussions they would face for having been taken in by this guy that claimed to be God, but died just like all the rest.
Saturday...24 hours that came and went...the sun rose, the sun heated the ground, the disciples hid, the sun set, the moon came out and the first post Jesus day was over.
Sunday...the sun rose and the sabbath was over, so Jesus' mother went with a friend to the tomb of her son, to deal with his body. How much grief must she have felt. What was she thinking? She, the one that gave birth to this baby that came about even though she knew she was a virgin. Mary knew something was special about her son. She watched the shepherds, angels and wise men worship and honor him. She saw him help her and a friend by turning water into fine wine. Yet, even Mary thought He was long dead, she was preparing to anoint His body and finish the burial traditions. That doesn't sound like a woman that has much hope that the story has another chapter.
The women arrive at the tomb and are discussing how to get the stone away when they are blinded by a light. A light so bright they must cover their eyes--a brilliance that can only come from Heaven. The guards are passed out, the stone has been moved and perched upon it is an angel! A heavenly being sent to proclaim a message that he must have been just bursting to share!
"He is not here! He has risen! He said He would! Go! He is risen!"
Just imagine you are the angels. You know that Jesus has to come and die, because you've been there for millenia with the Lord in Heaven. Yet, you don't really understand how much the Lord loves these creatures that so often sin and go against holy God. The worst day you've experienced as an angel was the day before, when you had to sit back and watch them kill Jesus. You have the power to save Him, but God won't let you and Jesus refuses to ask for your help.
Now it is Sunday, the day that Jesus chooses to come out of the tomb and show the world that He is God and that He defeated death. Heaven had to be one big party! Heavenly creatures flying back and forth shouting "Holy, Holy, He is Risen! He has earned His rightful spot! Praise the Lamb! Our God reigns! Hallelujah! Down with Satan! The Lamb has won!"
The angel that was allowed the privilege of telling humans that Christ was no longer dead was given an important and exciting task- "He lives! Jesus lives! Tell His friends! Tell EVERYONE! He is risen!"
The women quickly run to tell the disciples. Mary, Jesus' mother had to be beside herself, "I knew it! My Son lives, HE IS God, HE IS the MESSIAH!" How must her mother's heart have jumped for joy! As she is running to tell the others she comes across a sight that just floored her. Her son, the babe that she carried for 9 months, that she nursed, taught to walk, taught to read, and loved. The son that she watched be flogged, mocked, tortured, humiliated, the son whose body she cradled in death, HE was RIGHT THERE! In front of her, walking, talking and ALIVE!
The Bible contains a small portion of that conversation, but I imagine that it lasted longer, but it was a conversation not for the masses, but between mother and first born son. "Oh Jesus, you are alive! I love you, I'm so glad." This woman was given back her son! I think after she worshiped her Messiah she got up and hugged her son.
Jesus did die on that cross, but that is just part of the story. The conclusion to that chapter of life is just that...life. Jesus rose from the dead. The disciples didn't make up a story, the body didn't just disappear. Jesus isn't in any tomb because He is no longer dead! He is alive! He is the defeater of death, the Lord, the Messiah of not just the Jews, but of EVERYONE. Sin compelled Jesus to the cross, love kept Him on the cross, but deity brought Him back to life.
It is now up to each of us to choose whether or not we believe. God only does so much, and it is huge--He offers us salvation-Heaven for eternity. We have to choose to believe and accept the gift. If we do, we don't have to worry about death, eternity, a bad economy, fire, heights, roller-coasters, anything. We have the Lord, the God that is more powerful than our sin, than death by our side.
In this world we will face troubles. Christians are not immune to the suffering caused by living in a world that is polluted by sin, but we have a future that is so glorious we can't even imagine it. We have a God that is beside us, within us, helping us to make the right decisions and to exhibit grace through it all. Our trials may be awful, but they will end. Maybe in death, maybe not, but they will end because God came, lived, died and rose again!
Would you rather go through this life with all its ups and downs knowing that the future is nothing but amazing, or would you rather go through this life with all its ups and downs knowing that this is as good as it gets?
I choose to "Say yes to Jesus" to accept His gift and all that comes with it.
-JLK-
Friday, April 2, 2010
Good Friday
For my birthday this year my Grandma gave me her Nativity set that she and Grandpa purchased back in the 1960's when they lived in Europe. This set is my favorite part of Christmas, setting it up is how I begin my Christmas celebrating. Since I got it for my birthday I set it up--in mid March.
I know, a nativity scene set up during Lent--not typical. But then again, I'm not the most typical 20 something either, so it works. It has actually been interesting, because near it I have a cross and the juxtaposition of the shepherds worshiping the baby, the wise men traveling to worship and then the ugly cross--it is a quick glance at Christianity in a nutshell. Without THAT baby we wouldn't have the cross, and without the cross we would not have a path cleared to God. The sacrificial system would be a booming business still.
Jesus was 100% man and 100% God. I have always wondered, how soon did Jesus realize His deity? As a human baby He would have had to develop awareness, but as God HE would be totally aware. How soon did Jesus know who HE was. We know that HE was aware at 12, but what about before? How young was the boy Jesus when HE realized that as an adult HE would be betrayed, abandoned, beaten, condemned, mocked and crucified? That is something I want to ask HIM someday in Heaven.
Today is Good Friday, the day that we commemorate HIS passion- the day where HE was sent through a mockery of a trial, flogged, mocked, abandoned by His closest friends, paraded through the city and led up a hill where Roman soldiers nailed Him to a wooden cross, planted it in the ground, and left Him there, naked, bleeding, dying-all while His people watched and mocked, not knowing the truth.
The nails and the rope were strong, but it was no man made material that held Christ to the cross. Christ could have left at any moment. The power was His, and the angels in Heaven were at His beck and call, but through it all Christ remained on that Cross. He suffered the agonizing pain, the humiliation, the abandonment of His friends, and worst being forsaken by Holy Father God. All because He loves humanity.
Jesus came as the baby that I see in my nativity, He grew up, healed, fed, cleaned and provided for people. He taught lessons and He befriended a small group of disciples. Then, He hung on that cross--yes it was ugly, but the ugliness of the cross is outweighed by the awesome work it accomplished. He did all that because of you, me, and every other human. He hung on that cross for those we consider saints and those we consider the most vile villians.
Jesus loves us, and wants ALL of us in Heaven with Him. He knows that the vast majority will reject Him, but yet He still hung there and died! That is L-O-V-E. It is easy to imagine Jesus hanging there for those we love, but Jesus died for Hitler, for Stalin, for Osama too! He loves each of us, no matter what we do. He hates our sin--it is what caused the need for His death, but He loves us!
Jesus went through all that for each of us. He hung on that cross out of love and knowledge that it was the only way that humans would have a chance at an eternity with Him and his Father in Heaven. Our sin propelled Him to the hill called Golgotha, but His love held Him there. His love allowed Him to die. But, Good Friday-the day of His passion was not the end. On Easter Sunday we find out more!
-JLK-
I know, a nativity scene set up during Lent--not typical. But then again, I'm not the most typical 20 something either, so it works. It has actually been interesting, because near it I have a cross and the juxtaposition of the shepherds worshiping the baby, the wise men traveling to worship and then the ugly cross--it is a quick glance at Christianity in a nutshell. Without THAT baby we wouldn't have the cross, and without the cross we would not have a path cleared to God. The sacrificial system would be a booming business still.
Jesus was 100% man and 100% God. I have always wondered, how soon did Jesus realize His deity? As a human baby He would have had to develop awareness, but as God HE would be totally aware. How soon did Jesus know who HE was. We know that HE was aware at 12, but what about before? How young was the boy Jesus when HE realized that as an adult HE would be betrayed, abandoned, beaten, condemned, mocked and crucified? That is something I want to ask HIM someday in Heaven.
Today is Good Friday, the day that we commemorate HIS passion- the day where HE was sent through a mockery of a trial, flogged, mocked, abandoned by His closest friends, paraded through the city and led up a hill where Roman soldiers nailed Him to a wooden cross, planted it in the ground, and left Him there, naked, bleeding, dying-all while His people watched and mocked, not knowing the truth.
The nails and the rope were strong, but it was no man made material that held Christ to the cross. Christ could have left at any moment. The power was His, and the angels in Heaven were at His beck and call, but through it all Christ remained on that Cross. He suffered the agonizing pain, the humiliation, the abandonment of His friends, and worst being forsaken by Holy Father God. All because He loves humanity.
Jesus came as the baby that I see in my nativity, He grew up, healed, fed, cleaned and provided for people. He taught lessons and He befriended a small group of disciples. Then, He hung on that cross--yes it was ugly, but the ugliness of the cross is outweighed by the awesome work it accomplished. He did all that because of you, me, and every other human. He hung on that cross for those we consider saints and those we consider the most vile villians.
Jesus loves us, and wants ALL of us in Heaven with Him. He knows that the vast majority will reject Him, but yet He still hung there and died! That is L-O-V-E. It is easy to imagine Jesus hanging there for those we love, but Jesus died for Hitler, for Stalin, for Osama too! He loves each of us, no matter what we do. He hates our sin--it is what caused the need for His death, but He loves us!
Jesus went through all that for each of us. He hung on that cross out of love and knowledge that it was the only way that humans would have a chance at an eternity with Him and his Father in Heaven. Our sin propelled Him to the hill called Golgotha, but His love held Him there. His love allowed Him to die. But, Good Friday-the day of His passion was not the end. On Easter Sunday we find out more!
-JLK-
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