Sunday, April 11, 2010

Army Wives and Shattered Dreams

I just finished watching the season 4 premier of Army Wives. I don't want to give anything way, just in case there are fans that haven't seen it yet (though why you would wait I don't know). I will just say that it looks like the best season yet, and that my favorite "villain" is back on post! I love the show, it shows relationships and touches on current psychological issues that are actually happening to our military men and women.

Talking about psychology let me back track to earlier today. At church this morning my pastor aired an interview he had with Joni Erickson Tada. She is an amazing woman, the way that she just trusts in the Lord and through all that she has experienced she has found ways to bring glory to God and share His love with people all around the globe. The interview had me in tears, because I know what it is like to be paralyzed by fears.

Mrs. Tada is actually in a wheelchair, but for years after my rape I was paralyzed by fear, by anger, by resentment, by PTSD-and all that those 4 letters encompass. My scars and injuries were easier to hide from the world than her's were (and are), but they were just as devastating in many ways.

We are also similar in one other area--we have been able to move beyond the pain because there were people that loved us enough to faithfully pray for us. If it wasn't for my family and friends that were praying for me I probably wouldn't be here. I believe it was the prayers that saved me the night I tried to commit suicide. How else can one explain how I survived after taking so many pills, and NOT going to the hospital to have my stomach pumped?

My life was full of shattered dreams. I was mired in despair, and even now there are times when I wish things could be a little bit different. I don't think that is wrong. Jesus wanted to change things! In the garden HE prayed for God to change it so that HE didn't have to be crucified. It isn't the wishing that is ungodly, it is living in the Land of If Only. Jesus wished for things to change, but HE accepted reality and dealt with it. I have had to learn that skill. A wish is fine for a moment, but we have to accept what has happened and learn to use our circumstances to bring glory to Lord. When God is glorified our trials pale in significance.

When one dream shatters that could be that God is preparing us for something even better! So often we humans dream so small. Our fantasies are just a drop in the bucket compared to what God wants to lavish us with.

I remember when I was in college I prayed to marry a certain boy- I was madly in love. That dream was shattered when I learned that he was marrying someone else. Yet, looking back on it, I am glad that God didn't say "Sure" because I most likely wouldn't be working on my PhD and living in VA right now. I love where I am in life. What I have now is better than I imagined things would be when I prayed those prayers.

I have amazing friends, a family that I love and can count on. I have schoolwork that is challenging, a cat that entertains me, and most of all, a God that is head over heels in love with me, to the point that I am treated like a princess! People think my cat is spoiled, that is nothing compared to how God spoils each of us! He gives us a sunrise to start the day, people to interact with (to bless and be blessed by), music to fill our souls and remind us of HIM, and a sunset to end each day!

It is when our dreams are shattered, when our lives take an unexpected turn, that we can expect to see and feel God working. God is a master at working in what we consider to be the muck. Because, that is when we are most willing to look for Him. It is tragic that so many of us take the good for granted, like we deserve it, like we deserve all the blessings God gives us. Guess what? We don't! Every good and beautiful thing is a blessing, a gift from above.

So take a moment to thank God for your blessings, thank HIM for being so indulgent, and take a moment to look at the times you experienced a shattered dream. I bet that you will see God at work in those moments!

-JLK-

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