Today we flip our calendars from June to July. We are well into the summer season, and a myriad of Americans are gearing up for all the 4th of July festivities that will be going on around the country this weekend. It is a time of celebration, of coming together, of relaxing with good food, friends and fireworks.
Amid all this hustle and bustle (a lot of work goes into relaxing!) it can be hard to make ourselves take a few minutes, but I find that I have to. I am the kind of person that loves introspection. I'm a thinker. I like to ponder things.
Lately I have been pondering life. This should come as no surprise, after all I do have a bun in the oven, and I think about our little baby, and pray for the baby. Yet, I also think about my life. I think about where I am, what I am doing, and the road I am on in this journey.
Growing up I think everyone assumed that I would be a teacher. I love kids, I'm good with kids, and I love to teach, to help young minds grasp new concepts. It is exciting to be on the discovery with them, to know that in a small way I am helping them grow, I'm showing them the way.
I even spent 4 years training to become a teacher, and I did teach for awhile (high school not elementary, so already I veered off the path I imagined for myself) and then I took a turn. I left my home state, I drove all the way across the country and I landed in Virginia, working my way through seminary and earning a degree in Pastoral Counseling.
I saw myself using this degree in many different ways. It could enhance my teaching, now that I have a better understanding of how the brain works, of the role of emotion and the psyche. Or, I could work with people that are struggling with PTSD. I especially have a heart for military families.
Right now, I'm married, pregnant and I'm a cashier. Two of the 3 things I pictured. I love my husband (he is a huge blessing from God), and I'm excited to be a mother and for us to become a family of 3. Yet, I never pictured myself cashiering, especially not with the degrees I have.
It isn't that it is a bad job, or that it is below me. Oh no! It is just that I want to do something where I REALLY help people. I want to use the gifts God gave, the degrees that He allowed to attain. I also want to be able to better provide for my family, to be able to afford to travel to see my family, to give my child a lot of what I had growing up.
I am doing my best to find the path that will get me to where I yearn to be. I know that it is close, yet the underbrush of surviving daily life right now is blocking my path, and there is a little bit of fear too. The path I am on right now is cleared, and veering into the unknown is scary, blazing a different trail, even if it is in search of a highway isn't easy, it comes with risks.
God promises to be a lamp, to light our pathway, to be our guide. That is a comfort, but what He doesn't promise is to give us an interstate at all times. It is when we are at the forks, when we are deciding to break off into the braken that we learn the most, that we see just how much we need Him.
I don't know what is in my future. Right now I don't know exactly which path to take. I do know that I need to take a step. I do know that even when I feel lost, God sees me, He sees where I am, and He sees all the possible routes, and if I remain focused on Him his light will guide me. The closer I grow to God the easier it will be to recognize His light, and not be confused by all the shadows.
Where has your journey taken you, and are you where you expected to be? What has been the biggest surprise to you as you look back on your childhood and now consider where you are as an adult?
-JLP-
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