Temper Tantrums Can Help

On facebook earlier a friend posted a picture of the promise ring his daughter wears. A promise ring is worn on a girl's wedding finger and is a sign that she has promised herself, her family, the Lord and her future husband that she will remain a virgin till her wedding night.

When I was 16 I made the promise and was given a really pretty Black Hills' gold promise ring. It was that year that I vowed to the Lord to remain pure for my husband. Then, when I was 18 I was raped. I was no longer a virgin, no longer pure. It was not my choice, but it happened.

The next year I chose to start sleeping with my boyfriend. I still wore the ring, because it was pretty. Then, one night a few nights after he (he was my ex at this point) attacked myself and my best friend I looked down at my finger and I took my ring and I threw it across my dorm room.

After that I had a bit of a temper tantrum. I screamed into my pillow, I kicked things, I threw one heck of a fit. I was angry. I was angry that God had let me get raped. I was angry at my ex for attacking us. I was angry at myself for not remaining pure, even after my rape. I was just plain ANGRY.

And you know what, while I might have chosen a better outlet than having a tantrum in my room, I needed to let go. I needed to let my feelings out. I needed to be honest. After, I felt ashamed (a bit, and glad I was alone) but better, because I was beginning to finally admit to myself all my pent up emotions.

Whatever you are going through you need to allow yourself to be honest about your feelings. If you've been abused it is OK to be angry. In fact that is good. Abuse (of any form) is wrong. It shouldn't have happened. It isn't fair, it isn't right. It sucks and it is healthy to be angry that it happened.

Now, it is important not to hurt yourself when you are angry (or others), and throwing things that can break (or hurt someone) is not the best idea, but let yourself go for a bit. I recommend healthy exercise. I find punching bags are quite handy! They are designed to take a beating. And the exercise releases different chemicals that help you feel better (remember we almost all feel better after a good exercise routine).

Don't be afraid of your feelings, they are natural. Own them. Talk to someone. Find a way to release, even if it is to scream into a pillow. The important thing in healing really is honesty and admiting what is going on. It may sound cliche, but it is true. That is the good that came from my tantrum (and yes, I found the ring and I have in a special place to hopefully pass onto my daughter one day).

Take care and know that you are in my prayers.