So much of our focus is on finding a husband or a wife, of starting a family of our own. Singleness is seen as a temporary state of being, something that we "grow" out of as we get older and more mature. It is expected that we will all find our "special someone" and settle down into adulthood.
Yet, that trend is changing. It is estimated that 20% of the people of my generation (generation Y) will never marry!
But the focus still remains on marriage. Marriage is seen as a right of passage, it is what you do if you are a mature adult. Especially within the church. Singles are a separate segment of the church, and we are seen as just passing time till we get married and grow up. Many churches don't know what to do with their single adults. Especially once we finish our schooling. By then it is expected that we will have found our spouse.
What about those of us that haven't? Not all of us are single by choice! Some of us do yearn for a spouse and are anxiously awaiting, trying to find that special someone. We want that special and unique relationship. We do wonder what we have done wrong, what we haven't done, why we are not married yet. Yet, we try not to let that stop us from living a dynamic and fulfilling life full of zeal for the Lord and ardor for the growth of the kingdom.
As singles we are in a unique position. We don't have the demands of family to hinder us- so we should have more time to devote to the church and the work of the kingdom. So why do churches put us in a corner. Yes it is true that we don't understand the intricacies of marriage, being unmarried, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't interact with married people. The majority of our friends are married and probably starting to have kids.
Singles groups are great, and I'm all for them, but shouldn't we let singles and married couples mingle more? There is so much that we can learn from each other.
And while I'm on the topic, is it ungodly to yearn for a spouse? Not according to my research. Proverbs 18:22 states "He who FINDS a wife finds what is good and receives honor from the Lord" (NIV) to find something generally means that you were actively looking for it. Otherwise it would read "He who spies, or comes upon a wife...". The Bible is telling us to be on the look-out.
On the other hand I do not think that we should be wearing neon, flashing signs that say "I'm single, HELP!". Our primary goal should not be marriage, but communion with the Lord. Jesus needs to always be our first and foremost, our best friend and the lover of our souls. Yet, once we have established a vital and growing relationship with the Lord, we are allowed to seek. In Matthew Jesus invites us to "Ask and it will be given unto you, seek and you shall find; knock and the door will be open to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks the door will be opened." (Matt. 7:7-8)
God is in the business of lavishing us with blessings. I'm not here to promote the "Prosperity Gospel" because that isn't what I mean. What I mean is that God is a kind and generous Father, who loves to see His obedient children receive gifts. For when He gives us gifts He in turn receives the glory (if we are living obedient and Christ like lives). Plus, He just loves us that much. The Gospels tell us "He loves to give you the desires of your heart." If you desire it, and it is a heavenly treasure, than go for it. Pursue it. But, first pursue love and pursue Christ, and if during the active and wonderful pursuit of Christ, you pursue a godly and fulfilling relationship, AMEN.
Yet, not all of us seek and desire to be married. We are satisfied with our single life. Paul was, his pursuit was not marriage (though some would argue that before we really pick up his story, he was married). Being single is a unique gift that many, many people treasure and yearn for. That is awesome and it is just as Biblical a lifestyle as marriage is. Neither lifestyle is better or more godly. Neither is the pursuit of 1 lifestyle over the other. Paul, of course found singleness gave him more time to reach the lost and feed the souls of the growing church.
There is a cliche that has been around for eons. "God helps those who help themselves" and while it isn't straight from the Bible, it has some truth to it. God isn't just going to ring the doorbell and hand you everything on a silver platter. You have to get out and start working. Get out there and affect the kingdom, make eternally positive choices. Be the change, be the light. And along the way you will find that many of your desires are fulfilled.
Growing up my deep desire was to be on the SHS gymnastics team. So, I took lessons, joined a club and worked out. I talked to coaches and I did what I needed to be on the team. God granted my desire, but not without my hardwork and actively pursuing the dream. Relationships are just the same. God will help us, He will bring someone into our lives, if that is His will, but it probably won't happen if we live in a cave in inner Mongolia or if we huddle in a hut on top of Pike's Peak. We have to be in the world (but not of it).
So whether you desire to remain single or you desire to enter into a godly marriage, pursue Christ first and foremost. Seek the wisdom of the Lord and spend your time serving Him. But be in prayer and be active in the life you desire. Praying and laying your deep desires before the Lord is the best way for them to be answered. God loves to hear from us. He loves to dialog with us, and He loves to help grow us into more godly people, people that bring Him the glory, and reflect His love.
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