The first race in the NSCS chase was today up in New Hampshire. There were many notable moments in the race. Earnhardt Jr. did really well, and Carl Edwards is now in the lead, after his 3rd place finish today! But even more exciting for me was how well Truex Jr. did... another top 10 finish. I know he isn't in the chase, but I'm still cheering him on. Out of the drivers in the chase I'd love to see either Edwards or Earnhardt Jr. win.
The PACKERS WON!!! At first it looked to be a thrashing, and then we LET them take the lead (and my sis heard my wrath at that), but in the end we spanked those Lions! Now, we have sole control of 1st place in the NFC North, because the other teams are week 2 losers!!! =-)
Long distance relationships are hard, military relationships are hard and it leaves people to wonder- is it worth it? How much do we love the other person? Is it enough to make the relationship work? Or is God tugging on our hearts and telling us, that this isn't His perfect will? If it was His will, than the hurdles would be dealt with and would not seem to be Mt. Everest.
12am is a great time to think, to think and to pray. It is quiet and there isn't much on television that is worth watching (I know). So I'm left to think, to pray and to talk with Queens. About life, school, the future, Christ, sports (she seems to enjoy Nascar and Indy car over football...I might have to get a new cat! Or I need to work on growing her love for the Packers...but she seems to be more attentive when I talk cars, like her Mom she is strange! I love it!).
There is just so much to think about. Life is never boring, and being awake shouldn't be boring either. I don't think that it is, I just think that it can be frustrating at times. To lie awake in my super comfortable bed and just have hours to ponder life. To wonder if I am making the decisions the Lord wants to me make. What more could I be doing to honor Him? How could I spend the day bringing hope to more people (realizing that the Lord created somewhat of a hermit in me), being a blessing to those around me, and most importantly living the life Christ would want me to live. Doing all that is tough when you are exhausted! Knowing the right steps to take is tough when you don't even know how you are going to take a step and not fall over tired, much less the right step!!!
Yet, none of the weariness is important really. God promises us that we ALL grow weary, we ALL need the energy of God, to lean on Him. None of us can do this alone. We are not created to go out on our own- we are created to go out hand in hand with Christ. When we lean on Christ we have Him giving us strength that is far beyond what we are capable of.
It is like when I run with my friends that are ROTC, or GI's- I might get tired, in fact I'm guaranteed to get tired! But then I use their strength (read "drill Sergent imitations"!) and suddenly I can go that extra distance, I don't have to walk. We are made to help each other, and to get the biggest push from the Lord.
My thoughts may not be all organized, they may be scatter points, but it is when the sun is gone, when the world is quiet that I can hear the Lord the best and that I can feel closer to Him. Maybe that is why I love Wyoming so much. There are less voices, less distractions, it is easier to go off to my special spots where I am in nature and just with Him. That and at Arlington National Cemetery. That is a great place for reflection as well. Anywhere that is quiet- my den works too. But, I've found that I need these times to just be with Him.
He generally doesn't unfold a scroll and show me the plan for my life. I'm not sure I'd really want Him to do that. But, He does let me know that as long as I stay on course, pray, read Scripture, seek counsel, than He will be there, and I can't get too lost. His strength is mine for the asking. His energy is mine for the asking. He has so much power that He is willing to impart to us- we just have to ask with faith.
Another thing I think about, and have since I was a 5 year old girl. When will I get married and what he look like? How many kids will we have? Where will we live? All the fun questions of the future. I know some people say "give up looking and just focus on living for Christ." But how many things in life come to those that just stumble upon them? Not that many. Newton discovered gravity and the like through paying attention to nature and seeing how apples fell and then experimenting. Lincoln didn't just become President by sitting in his little log cabin and waiting for the Chief Justice to come and swear him in- he went out and got it, he worked for it.
I think it is sometimes the same with marriage. We can't just sit around and do nothing. Marriage is a holy institution that God designed, because men and women shouldn't be alone. God has people in mind for each of us. For some, celibacy may be His plan, but for most of us, His plan is marriage. So, searching for that person- earnestly seeking God's will and following where He leads is a fine and worthy endeavor.
Now, I'm not condoning dating every Tom, Sally or Billy Marie. I am saying that looking for the person, wanting to get married, praying about it, and then making a move is NOT A BAD THING. For most of us that wind up getting hitched, it isn't going to be to the UPS person that delivered a package to you and then proposed! It is going to take some trial and error.
It is going to take spending time with people and getting to know them. But, this can be done in a Christ honoring way. Going out to dinner, mini golf, the movies, a presidential debate can be fun, a great ways to get to know someone, and it can be done without having to give your heart away and be intimate. Getting to know someone and knowing if they are the person for you, is not the same as dating on Friends, Sex and the City or Greys Anatomy.
In my revamped book that I hope to have ready to send to publishers around the time I graduate, I plan to focus more on recovering from sexual abuse (as a primary and secondary victim) and then moving on with life and living a fulfilled, joy filled Christian life. One chapter will be dedicated to the search for a spouse- because many issues come up then for the rape survivor. More so than for lots of other people. So look for more discussion on seeking God's will in this area in my book!
Being as this blog is so LONG (sorry!) I might as well end now. I could go on and on and on! But I won't! I pray that y'all have a blessed Monday. I plan to enjoy living one more day knowing that no matter how confused I am, no matter how tired I am, how stressed I am, or so joyous I am, I am loved by the Lord and I can run to Him for: energy, strength, mercy, grace, forgiveness and love! My God (and hopefully your God) is an Awesome GOD!!!
Goodnight!
JLK/PRT
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