Blogging Therapy

Do you ever feel like you are drowning in psychological turmoil? Do you ever feel like life is giving you more than you can bear. I don't care what the Bible says, there are just times when it seems like I just can't go on. There are moments when I'm so overwhelmed that it would be so magnificently great for the Rapture to happen. There are times when I'm just ready to go HOME and I don't mean to my apartment, or even to my parents' house, I mean HOME--HEAVEN.

This is one of those times. Well, ever since my rape it has been one of those times. Life is just HARD. I try to be cheerful and not unload too much on my friends, because I don't want to be one of THOSE people, that is super needy and always going through S**T, but it seems like life is just like that sometimes. This is also one of those times where I have to fight my fears and my doubts, where I have to fight the naggling insinuations that sneak in and say, "Does Jesus really love you? If HE did, do you really think HE would make you deal with this?"

Where do you go and what do you do when life is like that, when you are literally drowning and Christ's outstretched arm still seems out of reach? What do you do when you try and try and just can't seem to grasp onto Christ? I know that Jesus is there and that He loves me. I know that God has a plan for my life, and that what Satan means for evil, God can use for good. I know that if I give my cares to Christ He will lighten my load. I KNOW all of that. I can quote the verses as well as ANYONE. BUT...right now that just doesn't seem to be working.

Right now I just want the pain to be gone...I want to feel joy again, I want to be able to REALLY enjoy life, and it seems like every time I start to, Satan and his minions come back. There are times when I just get so TIRED fighting him. There are times when I want to cling to Christ and I know that if I could reach just a little farther, I'd feel HIS comfort and I'd find my relief...but it seems just out of reach.

I wish I had happier stuff to blog about...but that isn't my life right now. Right now I'm just trying to make sense of everything.

I guess when life is like this I just have stretch even farther, because Jesus is never out of reach, we just sometimes have to work harder to get through the evil and reach Him. So I'm going to give that a try, I'm going to just work harder and I'm going to cling to the promises HE gives me in His love letter.

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. (Is. 40: 28-31 NIV)

28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? (Romans 8:31-35 NIV)

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace. (Ecc. 3:1-8)

4He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

5He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" (Rev. 21:4-5a)

What I need to remember as I go through this period and deal with all that is coming my way is that Christ is not surprised, and Christ has not moved. He is right here with me, and when I hurt so does He. He is wanting to take my pain, I just have to be willing to give it to Him and let Him keep it. There is also a glorious hope that awaits all Christians and that is eternity in the new Heaven, and on the new Earth. I can rest assured that no matter how horrible this life seems, I just have to persevere because it only gets better. This Earth is as close as I'll get to Hell. Heaven awaits and it worth whatever we have to go through. We each just have to remain faithful. If our name is in the Lamb's Book of Life than our fate is secured and this life is just about staying the course, clinging to our Savior and helping as many others as possible get their names in that book.

It amazes me how therapeutic it is just to express my feelings and then read the Scripture (and listen to worship music). Just by being honest with myself I feel so much better, and I know that it is not as bleak as it can seem when I just keep things bottled up. By sharing what is going on, we can grow and move on. The issues are still here. I still have to work through them, but the tunnel is shorter, so the light is brighter. Talking doesn't always fix everything, as a counselor I understand that better than many people. But it is a step, and this life is about taking it one step at a time while we focus on the light of Christ.

Do you have anything you need to sound off about? It will help, I promise!

-Paige-