The Marriage Stew

A marriage is not an easy relationship. And it shouldn't be. It is a lifetime, covenant commitment that a couple makes. It is full of vows that are made before holy God.

1. Love: the basis of any marriage is love. Love for the other person and love for God. This is not to be confused with like. Marriage love is not a mere feeling, it is an attitude, a daily, even moment by moment, choice. You choose to love your spouse, even on the days when you don't really like them.

2. Respect: there has to be mutual respect in a relationship for the marriage to work. If you don't respect your spouse you will be eaten alive by: un-forgiveness, and bitterness. A lack of respect will make you miserable and it will make your spouse miserable, because no one can hide their disrespect forever. Eventually it will surface.

3. Attraction: Physical attraction is important. If you are not physically and sexually attracted to your spouse, your marriage is sub-par. God created sex to be an integral part of a healthy marriage, and if you are not attracted to, and are not wanting or having sex, the marriage is not as God intended it. Take pleasure in your spouse. Enjoy them, focus on the beauty.

4. Laughter: The best marriages are full of laughter. Marriage is serious, but it is made of 2 people that are flawed and you have to learn to laugh at the funny times. Enjoy each other, and laugh with (not at) each other. Studies show that laughter does increase lifespans, and it does so without making them feel longer!

5. Conflict resolution: Let's face it, we are human and we will screw up. We will annoy, frustrate, confuse, irritate and anger our spouse, and they will do the same to us. We need to learn the Godly ways to solving those conflicts. They will happen, learn to solve them so they don't fester.

6. Quality Time: If you don't want to spend quality time with your spouse, why did you get married? We should be married to our best friend, the opposite gendered person that we can't get enough of. Time is precious, it seems to pass quicker with each year we spend on the earth. Marry the person that you want to spend those years with, that when they are not there, you notice.

7. Romance: Once the vows are said, the thank you cards are written and the honeymoon is over does not mean that the romance ends. Oh no! Married romance needs to be better and more exciting than dating romance. Take your spouse out on a date, surprise him/her with a special trinket...romance your spouse, let them know just how special they are.

8. Christ: This is the last on the list because it is the most important. "Nothing extraordinary is accomplished outside of prayer" (Jerry Falwell Sr.) If you want to have an extraordinary marriage, ground it in prayer, and devotion, make Christ the center of the marriage. If Christ is the foundation and the center, than when the storms come (and they will) the relationship will withstand the battering. Christ needs to have first place in our lives and our spouse needs to hold second place.

My spouse, your spouse, every spouse is just human. Our spouses don't complete us--Christ does. Our spouses don't save us, Christ does. Our spouses are not perfect, Christ is. No matter how amazing you husband or wife is, they will let you down, Christ never will. Give Christ first place in your life and just see how much HE blesses you!

If you put those 8 ingredients together your marriage will be on solid ground. It won't be without its ups and downs, and this list is by no means exhaustive, but these things are required. Use them, incorporate them and then enjoy the results!

God Bless,
JLK :-)


PS...What other ingredients are required in the marriage stew? Share your list in the comments section!