Father Forgive Them

I grew up in the church. I went to Sunday School, AWANA, youth group. I was involved in Bible studies, choir and handbell choir. I loved the Lord and I loved serving Him in various ways.

The period right after my rape (and all that followed) was a dark time for me. I was scared, confused, ashamed and felt abandoned. I felt like God, whom I loved and had served my whole life, had abandoned me. His love must not be genuine, if He allowed me to be so hurt.

It was after the incident with my boyfriend where he attacked not only myself, but my best friend that I picked up the Bible to genuinely read it again. It was then that my heart was open to once more hear the whisper of God, to hear His still small voice.

I read from the gospel of Luke. "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34)

It was in that verse that I realized that not only was I mired in so much darkness, but I was mired in hate. I hated my two rapists. I hated the school for allowing the circumstances that led to such an event. I hated myself and what I had become. I seriously needed to grow a heart of forgiveness and love. I needed to find vestiges of the girl that I once was.

If Christ could forgive not only the men that crucified Him, but the crowd that cried out for it, and if from the cross He could ask God to forgive all of us (for He was. You and I were included in that prayer, our sins cost Him the cross), then I could learn to forgive my attackers.

It didn't happen over night. It was a slow process, but I can say that I've forgiven them. I don't think my rapists understood just how evil they were. They need Christ. So now, in lieu of hate I pray for them. I don't know who they are, but God does, and He loves them. As much as He loves you and me.

That is what is radical about our God. He loves us all. He wants to heal each of us from our wounds and our sins. He wants to give each of us a life of joy. He is offering it, it ours to grab and live. He did the hard part that Spring weekend, now we have to claim it as ours and let the journey begin.

-JLP-