Why I Stayed

I do not want to air all the dirty laundry in my closet, my family and I deserve some privacy, but suffice it to say this spring my marriage was tested. I was counseled to get out, that it would be ok, and maybe even for the best. Yet, I prayed, I cried and I read Scripture and a few books (Love Must Be Tough, Boundaries in Marriage and Love for a Lifetime. I sought the Lord and asked for wisdom. Yes, I forgave but forgetting and taking the next steps is HARD. I not only had myself to consider, but my child as well. I had to consider all the ramifications and take the steps that were guided by the Lord. It was not easy, and still I struggle, but I know that for myself and for my family I made the right decision. I stayed not out of duty, but out of love. I stayed because I believe in the permanence of marriage. The vows we made I meant them. I believe in fixing what is broken, and not immediately throwing it out. I also do LOVE my family and my husband and I know that my husband and family love me back. Love was never in question--sanity was. Yes, a lot of people would have made the other decision, and I can see the validity of it. But after praying and seeking I did what the Lord requested of me, and I am so thankful that I did. Now, not everything is clear sailing and sometimes late at night when I can't sleep I still wonder and question, but then I tell Satan to "shut-up" and I rest in assurance that God will honor my choice and desire to do what is right. Still, that voice says "You have been through SO MUCH in your life, how have you not broken? Wasn't this the last straw? How could this happen, why another load to bear?" I have to calm it say "The Lord is with me, and it is not me that carries these burdens, it is Christ. I give them to Him, and He shoulders the load." Yes, life is not easy, but it is rough for ALL of us, no matter what our burdens are. Yet, we don't have to bear the brunt of their weight. We can give them to God and freely move and experience happiness and joy. -JLP- Take care! Know that I am praying for you and that whatever your burden is, you give it to God and find someone else to talk with. It is amazing how freeing it is to find someone trustworthy to share life with!