1 Year Later

October 10, 2007 is a day that I'll never forget. It was the day that I received one of the worst, probably the worst phone call of my life (thus far, I hope to get none worse). It was a call that changed me in many ways. It was a call that reminded me just how precious and fleeting life is. It was a call that said "my sis was murdered."(the girl's bro, in reference to my bf) Yep, 1 year ago I learned that one of my best friends was raped and murdered leaving class one night.

How do you deal with that? How do you really cope and comprehend the immensity and gravity of the situation. If you are a military spouse you prepare for the knock on the door, you prepare yourself for the words that you never, ever want to hear. How does one deal with knowing that one of the people they love most in the world is dead?

Death is so final. None of us can really prepare for it, yet we will all experience it at one point. Death is the ultimate experience. As a Christian I know that when I die I'm going to Heaven to spend eternity with my Lord, and I'm excited. Yet, I'm not in a hurry to get there. There is so much left I want to experience.

There was so much that my friend wanted to experience too, and some bastard ruined it for her. I know that is up in Heaven right now, and for that I'm eternally excited, but there are lots of us down here that really miss her. There are lots of us that hate the way she exited this world: alone, scared, humiliated, degraded, in pain, and in darkness. Yet, for as alone as she was, she wasn't really.

Yes it is true, that there were no other people around after the rapist/murderer left and she bled out. But her Savior was there, right beside her, holding her and getting ready to welcome her home. For this world is not our home. It is temporary, our true home is in Heaven with the Lord. Everyone is invited, but only a few RSVP in the affirmative. Do you have a spot in Heaven?

So much has happened since October 10, 2007. There have been so many times that I've wanted to call her and share news, cry with her, or just chat. Boyfriends have come gone, illnesses have come and gone, midterms, finals, papers and more papers. 365 days of life have happened, but not for her.

I'm not a person that wonders why all that much. I do wonder how to use events for God's glory, and to be a blessing to my friends and family. But, I'd like to talk to the rapist/murder and ask him why. I'd like to know, why he thought he had to rape her. Why did he pick her campus, and her. WHY?

I do miss her, and as selfish as this sounds, I want my friend back here, not up in Heaven. I want to be able to get advice, and laugh about our lives, the trivial things that blow out of proportion. I want the friendship that I've lost. But, I've made it 365 days, I can I make it some more. As selfish as I am to want her back, I also know that if she had her choice, she wouldn't have died the way she did. Even though my whys can't be answered I know that her death is not in vain. So much good has already come out of it, and she would agree.

Her little brother found her Bible, and as he read it to feel closer to his sister and try to understand the "religious" aspect of her life, he came to know Christ as his Savior. After that, his older bro came to know Christ. The parents are not yet Christian, but they are going to Church more often and more open to talking about it, so it is my prayer that soon they will come to know Christ.

My friend would say that her death, even as horrid as it was, was worth it because now her brothers are going to spend eternity with us! Praise God. Every time I miss her, I think of the glorious changes that have taken place in family and I know that everything will turn it. God is in control, God loves us and wants the best for us. Bad things happen, but there will come a day (and it isn't that far away) when evil is eradicated and lives only in Hell, and life in Heaven, the new Jerusalem and the new Earth will so filled with joy that we won't think about these times, and that period will last for the rest of eternity!

So 1 year later I still miss her and want to hug her, but I know that God is working everything out and that for now we are parted, but sooner than I realize I'll be there with her. I plan to enjoy however many days God gives me and make the most of them. Cuz, if she taught me anything it was that a smile goes a long way even if it is forced. The longer you force yourself to smile, the easier and more natural it becomes, and the more you feel like smiling!

So as a tribute to my dear, departed friend, here is a smile and a toast to you! I love ya.

-JLK/PRT-