As I sat in my den yesterday and pondered my many thoughts (and they were ponderous) I have come to a realization that for those of us that are living life always goes on. No matter what happens, we continue to survive. Life may not seem easy, or it may not be fun, but we are still here.
Why God calls some people home when He does is not for us to fully understand. But for whatever reason it was their time to go, and not ours. I wonder about this a lot as I am working on my book and hoping (and praying) that it will be published some day in the not so distant future.
Dealing with the issues that I am dealing with in the book, and looking at the events from the wisdom and safety of years past I can see God working and orchestrating events, but I remember at the time, and even now, I wonder what God's greater plan is. Why did I survive when so many others, including people I love, don't?
In my adult life I have had a few close shaves with mortality. There have been legitimate times when I maybe should not have survived, but here I am. What am I to do with this knowledge? I was raped by 2 men that I could (and still have their faces burned in my memory) easily identify, had I gone to the police. These 2 men had a gun (now 1 would assume that it was loaded, but being as I wasn't allowed the freedom to check I can't say for sure, but the probability is high that it was loaded. I for one don't carry a gun around unloaded) with them, yet they didn't use it.
Then just this Autumn (actually late Summer to be accurate, but whatever, school starts and that means Autumn to me) I was attacked by a guy that turns out to be wanted in another state for an egregious crime. This guy was bigger than I am, armed and had what most would assume was the advantage. Yet I survived, in fact I kicked his a**!
I may not be a body builder, or even as athletic as many women I know, but I have learned one thing in this life and that is how to take care of myself. My biggest weapon is prayer. If God is on my side, fighting for me, than really who stands a chance against me?
These are not the only times I've faced my mortality, but they are 2 dramatic ones. We could talk about sliding across the ice on a snowy day driving back to college after Christmas break. Or we could talk about friends dying in war, or of suicide, or being raped and murdered. But, even without those, the question remains for me: what does God want from my life, that He has kept me here? Not that I'm complaining, I'm glad that I'm still here!
I just want to make the most of it, and I'm thinking that the easiest way for me to do that is to see God's handwriting on my bedroom wall! Those were the days, I tell ya! I know that God expects and deserves my obedience, love, worship, etc. But what else? Why am I here? why ME? What does God have planned for MY life that He doesn't have planned for anyone else?
As I think about all this, and how to make the most of my life I also think about things that I want out of life. I want 1 thing really- a family of my own. A husband and few kids (a dog and cat would be nice too, but I'm not going to get greedy). Someone to share my life's passions with. Isn't that what we all want? Even as a Christian, who KNOWS that God is right here next me at all times. I still want another human to go through life with. It is how we are designed. The first part of the Bible clearly spells it out- 'it is not good for man to be alone."
But, even as I ponder life, and continue to live each day for itself and try to become more intimate with my Creator I wonder how I can better live my life so it isn't just "going on" but that is full of joy, and worship, where I can be a blessing to those around me.
I think that what I went through to get to where I am today, having friends that are military, and just being a keen observer of life, I realize how precious this life is, and how important it is to do the important things, the things that make a difference and touch eternity. What are you doing to touch eternity?
-JLK/PRT-
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