It Seems I'm Always Saying Good-bye

Once again I'm having to say good-bye to a friend and watch as he is buried, this time in Arlington National Cemetery. No matter how honored he would be to know that he is buried among thousands of our nation's heroes, I can't help but wish that he didn't have to be. I'd much rather the IED had not detonated.

I know that death is a part of life. Only 1 person escaped death, and Enoch was VERY special. Even God died...when HE took on human flesh and came down in the form of Jesus to reconcile us to Himself. So, if God had to come and die, I don't expect that my friends and family will experience anything less. Unless we are raptured! Now how cool would that be? I pray for the rapture--Come Lord, come quickly!

As normal as death is, it is not easy. No matter that I know that he is in Heaven and that someday I'll join him and millions of other saints and JESUS in Heaven, I still can't help but grieve for the friendship that has been severed. It is not lost, we will reunite someday, but it is severed for now. And that is just tragic.

His death leaves a hole, a void that opens up with every death of every friend and family member. It is up to those of us living to figure out how to navigate with that void. Through time we get better at it, and the void becomes less noticeable, but for now it is front and center.

As I was driving home this afternoon I prayed to God that I could go just 1 year without having to bury someone that is special to me, but I doubt that He will grant that prayer. Because I've been called by HIM to work with the military, and we are in a time of war. I'm going to lose people I care about, because I can't just work and put my emotions completely to the side. I love people, I want to do all that I can to help them. It isn't an easy life, to pour yourself into people that may not be there in a day, that may not make it home alive. It hurts, but my heart knows no other way but to love everyone. So I risk the pain in hopes to lessen it for others.

I'm going into my calling with both eyes open. I know it will be difficult, I know that I won't be able to "save" everyone, that as a counselor I'll give people advice and they won't listen, and then they will come to me to fix their new problems. I know that it isn't an easy task and it is a humbling one, to be called and trusted to help people fix what is going on inside.

So as much as it seems that I'm always saying that final good-bye, and as hard as it is, I love it. I love seeing people happier. As much as I wish I could go a year without having a friend die, I'm a better me for having known each of them, and I feel blessed for the seasons that they were each in my life.

Death is a part of life, and it is a part of my job. I know that the likelihood of accidents, war casualties, suicides and that sort happening to the people that I'm called to work with, is high. I also know that it is overshadowed by all the good that I hope God will do through me. I can't wait to see God working in the military, and I'm excited and humbled that HE seems to be allowing me to take a small part.

-Paige-