There is nothing harder that I have had to do than travel the post-rape, post-abuse trail. It is not for the faint of heart. It is also not a journey that I could have traveled alone. God gave me an amazing support group of family, friends and Himself. Without each I couldn't have made it joyfully.
As hard as it is to personally travel the journey from evil circumstances and pain to joy, it is also very hard to watch someone you love have to deal with personal tragedy and pain. There is almost nothing harder than watching someone you love hurting and knowing that while you can be a comfort, they have to travel the journey, you can't do it for them.
That is where faith comes in. It takes a lot of faith in God and His love to give them over to Him. As humans we want to hold on. We want to be in control. We hurt for those we love, so we want to fix it, and fix it now. We want to make everything better for them.
Yet, that is not what our loved ones need. They need to take the steps, to make the decisions, to see that they are stronger than they believe, that they can do this. In the end, letting go and giving them to God and letting Him have the reins is the best gift we can give them.
We may feel like we are just spectators, but we are not helpless. They will need their support group. They will need a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a person to vent to, a friend and not a judge. They will need a shove for a night out. Being the friend is hard, but it is not a helpless job. While God is leading the journey, He doesn't ask us to go it alone. He tells us that we need each other. Yet, we can't crowd them. We each have our own journey.
They will give you cues, and if you can't read the cues, just ask them! It is hard to be the friend/loved one, but it is a very important role.
-JLP-
Friday, October 28, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
He Knows Your Pain
For since He Himself was tested and suffered, He is able help those who are tested. Hebrews 2:18
No one knows exactly what you are going through right now. No one can totally understand your suffering, your pain. There is no one here on earth that can be the perfect comfort that you may need right now. What you are dealing with is unique to you.
There are a lot of people that have had similiar experiences, but we each experience life a little bit differently. The only person that can really provide the comfort and that knows you so well, and knows pain and suffering so well, is Jesus Christ.
The verse quoted above shows us that Jesus suffered (just read the Gospels [Matthew, Mark, Luke and John]) and He is uniquely equipped to relate to YOU. No matter who you are. Jesus suffered as a human and He understands. As God Jesus knows our hearts, our souls. He gives Himself the ability to relate, because He is all loving, and all compassionate. Jesus wants to be with you through this.
Invite Him into your life. Let Him help you. He knows you. He loves you. He's been there before, and He wants to be there for you. Let Him. It is the best decision you can make, the one that will bring the most healing to your life.
No one knows exactly what you are going through right now. No one can totally understand your suffering, your pain. There is no one here on earth that can be the perfect comfort that you may need right now. What you are dealing with is unique to you.
There are a lot of people that have had similiar experiences, but we each experience life a little bit differently. The only person that can really provide the comfort and that knows you so well, and knows pain and suffering so well, is Jesus Christ.
The verse quoted above shows us that Jesus suffered (just read the Gospels [Matthew, Mark, Luke and John]) and He is uniquely equipped to relate to YOU. No matter who you are. Jesus suffered as a human and He understands. As God Jesus knows our hearts, our souls. He gives Himself the ability to relate, because He is all loving, and all compassionate. Jesus wants to be with you through this.
Invite Him into your life. Let Him help you. He knows you. He loves you. He's been there before, and He wants to be there for you. Let Him. It is the best decision you can make, the one that will bring the most healing to your life.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Sweet Peace
There is darkness all around you, even in the middle of the day. The blackness of your soul, the depths of your fear, your pain, your feelings of worthlessness overwhelm even the brightest of sunny days. You are just trying to make it the next 5 minutes.
You look around and see all the things in the house that could help you end this miserable existence you have found yourself mired in. You wonder which is the easiest, which would be the best option. Ending it all seems like the answer.
Yet, you don't move. Your thoughts are switched to your friends. You know they care about you, even if they don't understand what you are feeling. You think of your parents and all that they would have to deal with. Then you remember a song your Grandma used to sing to you. A song that is from the days BEFORE. For you live in a BEFORE and AFTER existence.
The song says "Jesus love you this I know. For the Bible tells me so." A bit silly for an adult, but still the words reach you. You wonder if Jesus really does love you, and if so, WHY? And you call out "WHY?"
In your heart you hear "Because I love you humans enough to give you choice, to give you free will. I hate what you do with it. I hate how you hurt each other. I hate that it cost my Son his life. But, I love you and so does He. It is why He volunteered to go to the cross. I am God and I love you. Let me help you."
All of a sudden you feel a small sense of peace. You are still mired in darkness, your problems are not over, but you feel like maybe there is light. You feel the beginning of healing taking place. You no longer look around for ways to end it all, but you listen wanting to hear the voice more.
You know the journey is just beginning, but at least it isn't ending. That is God's promise. Jesus loves you and will help you. Yes YOU!! It doesn't matter the darkness, it doesn't matter if you are a victim or a perpetrator, Jesus is bigger, Jesus will guide you and help you to learn to walk in His way, to know His peace. It is offered for EVERYONE.
On that thought you get up and finally you see the beauty of the sun again.
You look around and see all the things in the house that could help you end this miserable existence you have found yourself mired in. You wonder which is the easiest, which would be the best option. Ending it all seems like the answer.
Yet, you don't move. Your thoughts are switched to your friends. You know they care about you, even if they don't understand what you are feeling. You think of your parents and all that they would have to deal with. Then you remember a song your Grandma used to sing to you. A song that is from the days BEFORE. For you live in a BEFORE and AFTER existence.
The song says "Jesus love you this I know. For the Bible tells me so." A bit silly for an adult, but still the words reach you. You wonder if Jesus really does love you, and if so, WHY? And you call out "WHY?"
In your heart you hear "Because I love you humans enough to give you choice, to give you free will. I hate what you do with it. I hate how you hurt each other. I hate that it cost my Son his life. But, I love you and so does He. It is why He volunteered to go to the cross. I am God and I love you. Let me help you."
All of a sudden you feel a small sense of peace. You are still mired in darkness, your problems are not over, but you feel like maybe there is light. You feel the beginning of healing taking place. You no longer look around for ways to end it all, but you listen wanting to hear the voice more.
You know the journey is just beginning, but at least it isn't ending. That is God's promise. Jesus loves you and will help you. Yes YOU!! It doesn't matter the darkness, it doesn't matter if you are a victim or a perpetrator, Jesus is bigger, Jesus will guide you and help you to learn to walk in His way, to know His peace. It is offered for EVERYONE.
On that thought you get up and finally you see the beauty of the sun again.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Questioning God
It is amazing how contradictory life can be. The sun is shining, my neighborhood has been decorated by God in all its autumnal glory, and the animals are at peace with each other.
Let me invite you in from the outside. Don't just come into our house, but come into my heart for a moment. You will see that the beauty is just a decoration. Inside there are a lot of questions I have for the Lord. A lot of, how, why, and when's.
I am a planner, an organizer. I like to have a place for everything, and I like it when things are in their place. Right now, there are a lot of things misplaced. And I wonder when the Lord is going to help me get them back in order.
But, before I give you the whole tour, let us start in the foyer, the introductory room. I love the Lord and I trust Him completely. I've seen how He has helped me move from a girl that wallowed in her rape, that allowed herself to be in an abusive relationship after I realized that it wasn't healthy. So, I know that if God can pull me from those depths and give me a joy for life, that He has something planned for me (Jeremiah 29:11 gives me this promise).
I've also been blessed with not 1 but 2 degrees. I have a B.S. in education and an M.A. in pastoral counseling. These degrees show a willingness to work hard to achieve my goals. I'm not one to sit on the side lines of life. I want to make my life count for the Lord. I also want to be able to use the gifts He has given me to bless others and to provide for my growing family.
So, now let us move to the couches and have our chat. Right now I'm struggling because I have these passions, these gifts from the Lord. I've seen how far He has brought me on this journey and I KNOW that He has more in store. I just don't know when He is going to give me access.
I'm living in an area where no matter what I do, where I look, whom I talk with, all I can find in way of employment is as a cashier for minimum wage. Yes it is honest work, but it isn't using any of the talents or gifts He has blessed me with. And, it isn't helping to really provide for my family.
Each month is a struggle. It is a juggling game between which bill to pay, AND we've streamlined down to just the necessities. It isn't like we are paying off big ticket items that we bought on a whim. We are trying to be wise and frugal. This is NOT how I pictured things when I was working so hard on my degrees. Part of the reason why I have them is so that I can provide for my family and live comfortably (I don't need to be rich, but middle class would be nice).
I know part of it is Satan. The harder I strive to live for the Lord and share His love the harder Satan works at shutting me down. Satan doesn't want any of us to have an impact for God.
I also know that God has His own timing, and that His timing is for our best. I've seen that. God has given me an amazing husband that I love more than I could ever imagine. God has also given us a child that we will soon welcome into the world.
One of the biggest struggles all couples have is with money. We have to consciously give our worries, our stresses, our fears, our financial struggles and questions to God, each day. We have to make sure that we leave them with God. God knows what we need and how much it costs. None of the things that shock us each month surprise God, He is prepared. He knows how to handle it.
Many times God uses this area to draw a couple closer together. If we can make it through financial struggles, we can make it through most anything. We just have to let it be a bonding time and not divisive. It could be that God is telling us to reach out.
It is OK to ask for help. God tells us in the NT to "serve one another." so often we do well at the serving, but our pride doesn't want to let us be the ones served. God could be saying, "there is someone out there that I have that wants to bless you. Only by reaching out and letting your need be known, can they have that honor."
And yes, even when He decides to not show us the big picture it could be that He is wanting to teach us to trust Him, to have just a little more faith and patience, to remember that He is our Provider. What seems to get us down could be God's way of saying "Lean on me just a bit more, let me use this to show you my glory, my strength." Nothing in the financial realm is impossible for God.
So now you've seen a little bit into my heart, the home of my soul. It is full of questions, but also faith. Yet, in order for the faith to grow I have to be willing to ask God the questions and let Him answer them.
What questions do you have for God? I can assure you that they will not surprise Him. He will not get angry at you for asking. He wants you to ask, so that you can grow. Questions are how we learn.
Thanks for dropping by, and as you leave today, take a moment to enjoy the beautiful picture God has painted in my neighborhood, and hopefully in your 'hood as well. When we are struggling it is important to remember that there is still beauty all around us.
-JLP-
Let me invite you in from the outside. Don't just come into our house, but come into my heart for a moment. You will see that the beauty is just a decoration. Inside there are a lot of questions I have for the Lord. A lot of, how, why, and when's.
I am a planner, an organizer. I like to have a place for everything, and I like it when things are in their place. Right now, there are a lot of things misplaced. And I wonder when the Lord is going to help me get them back in order.
But, before I give you the whole tour, let us start in the foyer, the introductory room. I love the Lord and I trust Him completely. I've seen how He has helped me move from a girl that wallowed in her rape, that allowed herself to be in an abusive relationship after I realized that it wasn't healthy. So, I know that if God can pull me from those depths and give me a joy for life, that He has something planned for me (Jeremiah 29:11 gives me this promise).
I've also been blessed with not 1 but 2 degrees. I have a B.S. in education and an M.A. in pastoral counseling. These degrees show a willingness to work hard to achieve my goals. I'm not one to sit on the side lines of life. I want to make my life count for the Lord. I also want to be able to use the gifts He has given me to bless others and to provide for my growing family.
So, now let us move to the couches and have our chat. Right now I'm struggling because I have these passions, these gifts from the Lord. I've seen how far He has brought me on this journey and I KNOW that He has more in store. I just don't know when He is going to give me access.
I'm living in an area where no matter what I do, where I look, whom I talk with, all I can find in way of employment is as a cashier for minimum wage. Yes it is honest work, but it isn't using any of the talents or gifts He has blessed me with. And, it isn't helping to really provide for my family.
Each month is a struggle. It is a juggling game between which bill to pay, AND we've streamlined down to just the necessities. It isn't like we are paying off big ticket items that we bought on a whim. We are trying to be wise and frugal. This is NOT how I pictured things when I was working so hard on my degrees. Part of the reason why I have them is so that I can provide for my family and live comfortably (I don't need to be rich, but middle class would be nice).
I know part of it is Satan. The harder I strive to live for the Lord and share His love the harder Satan works at shutting me down. Satan doesn't want any of us to have an impact for God.
I also know that God has His own timing, and that His timing is for our best. I've seen that. God has given me an amazing husband that I love more than I could ever imagine. God has also given us a child that we will soon welcome into the world.
One of the biggest struggles all couples have is with money. We have to consciously give our worries, our stresses, our fears, our financial struggles and questions to God, each day. We have to make sure that we leave them with God. God knows what we need and how much it costs. None of the things that shock us each month surprise God, He is prepared. He knows how to handle it.
Many times God uses this area to draw a couple closer together. If we can make it through financial struggles, we can make it through most anything. We just have to let it be a bonding time and not divisive. It could be that God is telling us to reach out.
It is OK to ask for help. God tells us in the NT to "serve one another." so often we do well at the serving, but our pride doesn't want to let us be the ones served. God could be saying, "there is someone out there that I have that wants to bless you. Only by reaching out and letting your need be known, can they have that honor."
And yes, even when He decides to not show us the big picture it could be that He is wanting to teach us to trust Him, to have just a little more faith and patience, to remember that He is our Provider. What seems to get us down could be God's way of saying "Lean on me just a bit more, let me use this to show you my glory, my strength." Nothing in the financial realm is impossible for God.
So now you've seen a little bit into my heart, the home of my soul. It is full of questions, but also faith. Yet, in order for the faith to grow I have to be willing to ask God the questions and let Him answer them.
What questions do you have for God? I can assure you that they will not surprise Him. He will not get angry at you for asking. He wants you to ask, so that you can grow. Questions are how we learn.
Thanks for dropping by, and as you leave today, take a moment to enjoy the beautiful picture God has painted in my neighborhood, and hopefully in your 'hood as well. When we are struggling it is important to remember that there is still beauty all around us.
-JLP-
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
He Loves Us Through It
I just heard the Martina McBride song, "I'm Gonna Love You Through It" and I almost started weeping! It is such a poignant song, but one that really hit home to me. I love the message behind the song. That someone has so much love that they will get us through the hard times, the horrible times, that we can't do anything that will make them not love us.
The song is not a fairy tale, for we can each have that special someone, though it isn't a boyfriend, a spouse, or a best friend. The only one that we can REALLY count on to love us through our worst times, to ALWAYS be there, to love us through the horror that we go through, the only one is our Heavenly Father. He is up there saying, "I'm here. I'm knocking on your heart. I want you to let me love you through this pain, this fear, this adversity. I want to love you through it. I want to love you till you feel joy again, and I want to love through the joy as well."
Do you need love like that? Love that is yours no matter who you are, what you have done, what has happened to you? It is just a prayer away! You don't have to know much about the Bible. You just have to say "Yes Lord I believe that I need You. I believe that You are my only hope. I accept You, thank you for accepting me."
Now, let Him love you.
The song is not a fairy tale, for we can each have that special someone, though it isn't a boyfriend, a spouse, or a best friend. The only one that we can REALLY count on to love us through our worst times, to ALWAYS be there, to love us through the horror that we go through, the only one is our Heavenly Father. He is up there saying, "I'm here. I'm knocking on your heart. I want you to let me love you through this pain, this fear, this adversity. I want to love you through it. I want to love you till you feel joy again, and I want to love through the joy as well."
Do you need love like that? Love that is yours no matter who you are, what you have done, what has happened to you? It is just a prayer away! You don't have to know much about the Bible. You just have to say "Yes Lord I believe that I need You. I believe that You are my only hope. I accept You, thank you for accepting me."
Now, let Him love you.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
The Beauty of Rebirth
With Autumn well on her way we are living during one of my favorite seasons. I love the cool crispness to the morning air, the approaching holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas) and the beautiful color here at the foot of the Appalachian Mountains. Autumn (a much better word than fall) is a wonderful time.
One of the things that strikes me is how God makes the trees so pretty and lets the leaves show off right before they die and fall to the ground, and then they sit there, a beautiful blanket adorning the ground, a reminder of how miraculous the trees looked not long before.
While the leaves fall and die, the tree remains alive, it just goes into hibernation mode to await Spring and the new leaves that it will bud, the new grandeur it will have.
We are like trees. Right before our abuse we are beautiful, we feel invincible, we could even be living to our full potential. As creatures of God, we are gorgeous. Then WHAM- abuse (of any form) happens and we shed our beauty. We move into hibernation/survival mode. We are bare, empty of what gave us our beauty, our joy.
Yet, like the trees we don't have to remain bare. We can choose to bud new leaves, to be reborn, to see the beauty in our lives, that God sees all the time. Abuse is like winter, it is cold and harsh. But, we don't have to live in winter forever. We can move into spring. We can be reborn.
It takes time, it takes work, and it doesn't happen overnight. Yet, in the end we can full of beautiful green leaves, we can be joyous and have an amazing life. It is our choice. It is the most courageous choice. It is easy to wallow in winter, in self pity. It is easy to feel sorry for ourselves. It is hard to take the steps and move on, but even a snow lover like myself doesn't want winter year round.
Gather up your courage, see the beauty around you, and then see that you too are beautiful.
One of the things that strikes me is how God makes the trees so pretty and lets the leaves show off right before they die and fall to the ground, and then they sit there, a beautiful blanket adorning the ground, a reminder of how miraculous the trees looked not long before.
While the leaves fall and die, the tree remains alive, it just goes into hibernation mode to await Spring and the new leaves that it will bud, the new grandeur it will have.
We are like trees. Right before our abuse we are beautiful, we feel invincible, we could even be living to our full potential. As creatures of God, we are gorgeous. Then WHAM- abuse (of any form) happens and we shed our beauty. We move into hibernation/survival mode. We are bare, empty of what gave us our beauty, our joy.
Yet, like the trees we don't have to remain bare. We can choose to bud new leaves, to be reborn, to see the beauty in our lives, that God sees all the time. Abuse is like winter, it is cold and harsh. But, we don't have to live in winter forever. We can move into spring. We can be reborn.
It takes time, it takes work, and it doesn't happen overnight. Yet, in the end we can full of beautiful green leaves, we can be joyous and have an amazing life. It is our choice. It is the most courageous choice. It is easy to wallow in winter, in self pity. It is easy to feel sorry for ourselves. It is hard to take the steps and move on, but even a snow lover like myself doesn't want winter year round.
Gather up your courage, see the beauty around you, and then see that you too are beautiful.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Lessons from the Journey
As I prepare for the birth of our daughter I was watching a video on the epidural procedure (which I plan to use). I'm not afraid of needles, but still it doesn't look like fun. The only good part of labor in my way of thinking is the end result, finally having our daughter in my arms. I deal with a lot of pain associated with my RA, and I've dealt with physical pain from my rape and abuse. I've also deal with emotional pain: grief when loved ones die, abuse, fear, loneliness, etc.
I'm not a fan of pain. I know the military says that it is "weakness leaving the body", but I don't seek it out. Pain of any sort is not fun. It hurts! It can be scary, and it doesn't always go away with a magic pill or a shot.
Yet, as much as I don't enjoy pain I see that it is in the painful times, the hard times, the scary times along my journey that I have had a chance to grow. I can become stronger if I allow the pain to draw my closer to the Lord. If I remember to ask, "Lord, this hurts and this is scary and this is no fun. Please be with me, please help me rely on You to get me through."
So far no pain I've experienced has killed me (though I tried to kill myself in 2002 to escape it, but God had other plans), and I have grown. I'm [hopefully] wiser now. I do know that I can get through. I have also learned that I can't do it on my own. I need a lifeline. When I'm really hurting, when it is really scary I need someone to talk to, a hand to hold and squeeze, I need that reminder that pain is temporary.
As scary and painful as what you are going through is, it is just temporary. It may be that you, like myself have a disease that affects daily life and it isn't going away, or you may have been abused in some form, or you are dealing with the pain of grief. As harsh as it all is, and it is harsh, I'm not minimizing it, it is just temporary.
If we choose Christ, if we say "yes" to all He offers we know that a reward for a faithful life is Heaven, and in Heaven there are no more tears, there is no more pain. God takes that away and it is vanquished forever!
That is the hope I hold when I'm dealing with the pain of life, when I'm having flashbacks, or I ache, or I grieve. I focus on my Savior. It is the only way I know of to recover from pain, to know that it is temporary, that with Christ's help I can overcome, for He already has and is just waiting to help, just waiting for me to ask for it.
Have you asked for HIS help? It is the best and most productive thing you can do to get out of the dark hole you may be in.
I'm not a fan of pain. I know the military says that it is "weakness leaving the body", but I don't seek it out. Pain of any sort is not fun. It hurts! It can be scary, and it doesn't always go away with a magic pill or a shot.
Yet, as much as I don't enjoy pain I see that it is in the painful times, the hard times, the scary times along my journey that I have had a chance to grow. I can become stronger if I allow the pain to draw my closer to the Lord. If I remember to ask, "Lord, this hurts and this is scary and this is no fun. Please be with me, please help me rely on You to get me through."
So far no pain I've experienced has killed me (though I tried to kill myself in 2002 to escape it, but God had other plans), and I have grown. I'm [hopefully] wiser now. I do know that I can get through. I have also learned that I can't do it on my own. I need a lifeline. When I'm really hurting, when it is really scary I need someone to talk to, a hand to hold and squeeze, I need that reminder that pain is temporary.
As scary and painful as what you are going through is, it is just temporary. It may be that you, like myself have a disease that affects daily life and it isn't going away, or you may have been abused in some form, or you are dealing with the pain of grief. As harsh as it all is, and it is harsh, I'm not minimizing it, it is just temporary.
If we choose Christ, if we say "yes" to all He offers we know that a reward for a faithful life is Heaven, and in Heaven there are no more tears, there is no more pain. God takes that away and it is vanquished forever!
That is the hope I hold when I'm dealing with the pain of life, when I'm having flashbacks, or I ache, or I grieve. I focus on my Savior. It is the only way I know of to recover from pain, to know that it is temporary, that with Christ's help I can overcome, for He already has and is just waiting to help, just waiting for me to ask for it.
Have you asked for HIS help? It is the best and most productive thing you can do to get out of the dark hole you may be in.
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