It is amazing how contradictory life can be. The sun is shining, my neighborhood has been decorated by God in all its autumnal glory, and the animals are at peace with each other.
Let me invite you in from the outside. Don't just come into our house, but come into my heart for a moment. You will see that the beauty is just a decoration. Inside there are a lot of questions I have for the Lord. A lot of, how, why, and when's.
I am a planner, an organizer. I like to have a place for everything, and I like it when things are in their place. Right now, there are a lot of things misplaced. And I wonder when the Lord is going to help me get them back in order.
But, before I give you the whole tour, let us start in the foyer, the introductory room. I love the Lord and I trust Him completely. I've seen how He has helped me move from a girl that wallowed in her rape, that allowed herself to be in an abusive relationship after I realized that it wasn't healthy. So, I know that if God can pull me from those depths and give me a joy for life, that He has something planned for me (Jeremiah 29:11 gives me this promise).
I've also been blessed with not 1 but 2 degrees. I have a B.S. in education and an M.A. in pastoral counseling. These degrees show a willingness to work hard to achieve my goals. I'm not one to sit on the side lines of life. I want to make my life count for the Lord. I also want to be able to use the gifts He has given me to bless others and to provide for my growing family.
So, now let us move to the couches and have our chat. Right now I'm struggling because I have these passions, these gifts from the Lord. I've seen how far He has brought me on this journey and I KNOW that He has more in store. I just don't know when He is going to give me access.
I'm living in an area where no matter what I do, where I look, whom I talk with, all I can find in way of employment is as a cashier for minimum wage. Yes it is honest work, but it isn't using any of the talents or gifts He has blessed me with. And, it isn't helping to really provide for my family.
Each month is a struggle. It is a juggling game between which bill to pay, AND we've streamlined down to just the necessities. It isn't like we are paying off big ticket items that we bought on a whim. We are trying to be wise and frugal. This is NOT how I pictured things when I was working so hard on my degrees. Part of the reason why I have them is so that I can provide for my family and live comfortably (I don't need to be rich, but middle class would be nice).
I know part of it is Satan. The harder I strive to live for the Lord and share His love the harder Satan works at shutting me down. Satan doesn't want any of us to have an impact for God.
I also know that God has His own timing, and that His timing is for our best. I've seen that. God has given me an amazing husband that I love more than I could ever imagine. God has also given us a child that we will soon welcome into the world.
One of the biggest struggles all couples have is with money. We have to consciously give our worries, our stresses, our fears, our financial struggles and questions to God, each day. We have to make sure that we leave them with God. God knows what we need and how much it costs. None of the things that shock us each month surprise God, He is prepared. He knows how to handle it.
Many times God uses this area to draw a couple closer together. If we can make it through financial struggles, we can make it through most anything. We just have to let it be a bonding time and not divisive. It could be that God is telling us to reach out.
It is OK to ask for help. God tells us in the NT to "serve one another." so often we do well at the serving, but our pride doesn't want to let us be the ones served. God could be saying, "there is someone out there that I have that wants to bless you. Only by reaching out and letting your need be known, can they have that honor."
And yes, even when He decides to not show us the big picture it could be that He is wanting to teach us to trust Him, to have just a little more faith and patience, to remember that He is our Provider. What seems to get us down could be God's way of saying "Lean on me just a bit more, let me use this to show you my glory, my strength." Nothing in the financial realm is impossible for God.
So now you've seen a little bit into my heart, the home of my soul. It is full of questions, but also faith. Yet, in order for the faith to grow I have to be willing to ask God the questions and let Him answer them.
What questions do you have for God? I can assure you that they will not surprise Him. He will not get angry at you for asking. He wants you to ask, so that you can grow. Questions are how we learn.
Thanks for dropping by, and as you leave today, take a moment to enjoy the beautiful picture God has painted in my neighborhood, and hopefully in your 'hood as well. When we are struggling it is important to remember that there is still beauty all around us.
-JLP-
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