Years ago a book was published, The Love Languages. In this book the author discusses the 5 major love languages. These love languages include:
1. Quality Time
-You express love by spending time with the people you love
2. Physical Touch/Closeness
-You express love through hugs/kisses/being near the people you love
3. Gifts
-You express love through the giving of gifts
4. Words
-You express love through what you say
5. Service
-You express love by doing things for those you love
According to the author we all have a dominate love language, or of those 5, we have one that we gravitate toward the most. When I was younger that might have been true. But I've noticed that as I grow older, I'm more and more a mesh of all of them.
I like to give gifts to my friends and family to say "I love you". It is fun to get to watch people open a gift, just as it is to think of the person as I am making the gift or if I spy it in the store. Yet, gift giving isn't anymore dominate for me than the others. I love to do things for others, help clean the apartment/house, do little things for those I love. I find that telling people I love them is important. Physical touch is necessary. Sometimes I just need to hug or kiss my SO. We could be hanging out, playing a game (quality time) and that isn't enough, I need to touch and be touched. And last is quality time, yes, I want to spend as much quality time with those I love as possible.
So, while I agree with the author that we need to recognize our love languages, I have yet to figure out which one is the most dominate in me. I express love through all of them.
The other side of the coin is to figure out how you receive love. Which language makes me feel the most loved? Once again I'm met with an enigma. Because I express love through all 5 languages, I can receive it as well through all 5. I can recognize that when my SO is helping me hang a clothes line (SERVICE) that is one way of showing me he loves me, just as he does when we hug or kiss (PHYSICAL TOUCH), or when he is cooking me dinner (SERVICE again), playing Sorry with me (QUALITY TIME), texting me goodnight (WORDS), or picking me up some M&M's (GIFTs). Each of those I see as ways that he is expressing his love.
I can agree that some people may have a language that speaks more fluently. My Dad would be a service guy. Growing up he was always doing, doing, doing. Working extra hours, or doing things around the house. He shows his love through acts of service. Dad is totally more fluent in service than others, and that is great. We need more Martha's in this world. Just we need some Mary's. People that see the importance of quality time-just sitting with those they love.
Recognizing that what your parents, sibling, or spouse is doing is their way of saying I Love You is very important, and that I think is the crux of the book. It is important to discuss this with those you love, so that you can understand the motivation behind what is going on.
So, spend some time thinking how you show love, how you receive it, and just who in your life could use a little bit more.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
No So Much a Retreat Anymore
I used to really enjoy having my own apartment. It was nice. Gives me the freedom to decorate however I want, and to rearrange those decorations as often as I please. I could have my friends whenever and not worry about bothering a roomie. It was quiet when I needed it to be quiet, but open to friends whenever. I was able to go to bed early and wake up early and not worry about bothering or being bothered by someone else's schedule. It was nice. My apartment was my retreat and I loved it.
I still love my apartment. It is eclectic and homey, it is me-very much so. My personality is stamped on every room. That part I love (I wish for more space and an updated kitchen, but I love the apartment). I like the neighborhood I'm in and I like that it is affordable.
But, lately it hasn't been the retreat that it used to be. It is quiet. Yeah, I have a feline to greet me when I come home and that is nice, and I have music and tv for sound, but it is more lonely than retreat.
I know why that is, but there isn't much I can about changing the situation at the moment. Since I can't change the situation I have to change my attitude, those are the only 2 options. So, I'm trying to find ways to change my attitude and return to the times when the quiet of having my own place was cozy and not lonely.
I still love my apartment. It is eclectic and homey, it is me-very much so. My personality is stamped on every room. That part I love (I wish for more space and an updated kitchen, but I love the apartment). I like the neighborhood I'm in and I like that it is affordable.
But, lately it hasn't been the retreat that it used to be. It is quiet. Yeah, I have a feline to greet me when I come home and that is nice, and I have music and tv for sound, but it is more lonely than retreat.
I know why that is, but there isn't much I can about changing the situation at the moment. Since I can't change the situation I have to change my attitude, those are the only 2 options. So, I'm trying to find ways to change my attitude and return to the times when the quiet of having my own place was cozy and not lonely.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
MY Purpose Driven Life
I went to a family reunion this afternoon. It was a lot of fun, relaxing and HOT. It was a typical summer day here in central Virginia and that means that it was near 100 if not actually there. We were right on a gorgeous and that helped. Not to mention being out in God's wonderful creation.
There were door prizes and everyone won something. I won "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. As much as I love to read and stay current on what is going on in the world of devotionals, I've never actually read this tome that has been called one of the most influential books in the 20th century. Being as it is now the 21st century, I figured that since it was free to me I'd give it a go.
Tonight I began with day 1. I don't want to just steal all Rick's work and give you the whole book here, for free (that would be illegal) I do want to share the Question to Consider. Tonight (and tomorrow till evening devotion time when I read day 2) I'm to consider how I am going to stay focused on remembering that I'm not here (on earth) for me, but for God.
That is big. The point I think, is to realize that this life is not about you, it is not about me. Life is about God. Life was created by God, and each life ends at God's command-we can't outlive God's purpose. It isn't about "God help me do what I want to do." It is about "God help to live YOUR purpose."
Humans are by nature narcissistic. To quote Mr. Warren (if I may) "...life is about letting God use you for HIS purposes, not your using him for your own purpose." Too often we pray to God to help us accomplish what WE want. And while our wants may not be bad, it is still a self-centered focus. We need to pray for wisdom to get ourselves out of the way, so that God can work through us.
This isn't easy. I struggle with this and I can see that lately I've been REALLY struggling in this area. I'm looking for a new full time job and I've been praying "God help me find a job that will fulfill my dreams, that will help do what I love." and yes, some of the things I love are Godly and good. But, I think I need to change how I've been praying. In lieu of my current prayers I need to start praying in a new vein.
"God help me to see Your greater plan, to understand why I am here and what You want from my life. Help me to stay out of Your way, so that through Your guidance I can go about each do fulfilling Your purpose. Help me to remember to always look to Christ, because He provides all the identity I need. Thank You for thinking of ME when You created the world. Most of all, help me to remember that there is more to my purpose and my being here than a career, and even a family. You have a cosmic, eternal plan. Guide me and show me how I fit into that, and as I learn to see Your purpose help me to understand what that means about the choices I need to make each day as it is comes to a family, a career and all the varied decisions that come with this life.
Thank You. Thank You for Your Son, for the gift of salvation. Thank You for caring for me and for having a purpose for my life. Thank You for your patience, your guidance, for loving me through all my sins. I confess to you that I'm a sinner, I'm done many things I shouldn't, I haven't done things that I should. Please search me and try me, clean out my heart and make me pure, holy and blameless once more. Thank You for this forgiveness and I pray that now I can move one and be a better reflection of You, so that through my life others may come to know You and be found in the Lamb's book of life.
I pray all this through Jesus Christ, the spotless lamb. He and He alone makes it possible for me to approach Your throne. I love You. Amen."
There were door prizes and everyone won something. I won "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. As much as I love to read and stay current on what is going on in the world of devotionals, I've never actually read this tome that has been called one of the most influential books in the 20th century. Being as it is now the 21st century, I figured that since it was free to me I'd give it a go.
Tonight I began with day 1. I don't want to just steal all Rick's work and give you the whole book here, for free (that would be illegal) I do want to share the Question to Consider. Tonight (and tomorrow till evening devotion time when I read day 2) I'm to consider how I am going to stay focused on remembering that I'm not here (on earth) for me, but for God.
That is big. The point I think, is to realize that this life is not about you, it is not about me. Life is about God. Life was created by God, and each life ends at God's command-we can't outlive God's purpose. It isn't about "God help me do what I want to do." It is about "God help to live YOUR purpose."
Humans are by nature narcissistic. To quote Mr. Warren (if I may) "...life is about letting God use you for HIS purposes, not your using him for your own purpose." Too often we pray to God to help us accomplish what WE want. And while our wants may not be bad, it is still a self-centered focus. We need to pray for wisdom to get ourselves out of the way, so that God can work through us.
This isn't easy. I struggle with this and I can see that lately I've been REALLY struggling in this area. I'm looking for a new full time job and I've been praying "God help me find a job that will fulfill my dreams, that will help do what I love." and yes, some of the things I love are Godly and good. But, I think I need to change how I've been praying. In lieu of my current prayers I need to start praying in a new vein.
"God help me to see Your greater plan, to understand why I am here and what You want from my life. Help me to stay out of Your way, so that through Your guidance I can go about each do fulfilling Your purpose. Help me to remember to always look to Christ, because He provides all the identity I need. Thank You for thinking of ME when You created the world. Most of all, help me to remember that there is more to my purpose and my being here than a career, and even a family. You have a cosmic, eternal plan. Guide me and show me how I fit into that, and as I learn to see Your purpose help me to understand what that means about the choices I need to make each day as it is comes to a family, a career and all the varied decisions that come with this life.
Thank You. Thank You for Your Son, for the gift of salvation. Thank You for caring for me and for having a purpose for my life. Thank You for your patience, your guidance, for loving me through all my sins. I confess to you that I'm a sinner, I'm done many things I shouldn't, I haven't done things that I should. Please search me and try me, clean out my heart and make me pure, holy and blameless once more. Thank You for this forgiveness and I pray that now I can move one and be a better reflection of You, so that through my life others may come to know You and be found in the Lamb's book of life.
I pray all this through Jesus Christ, the spotless lamb. He and He alone makes it possible for me to approach Your throne. I love You. Amen."
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
A Daily Challenge
I love Jesus, that is no surprise to anyone reading this. I believe that the Bible is the inerrant Word of God and that the only way to make it to Heaven is to accept God's gift of salvation, to believe the Scripture as recorded in the 66 books of the Holy Bible.
Yet, do my daily choices reflect those beliefs? Am I doing everything I can to live a life worthy of calling myself a Christian? Am I showing the Lord my gratitude through my actions?
Those should be questions that we ask ourselves each day. Each day we need to feel challenged to live the Christian life in a way that not only shows the world where our faith is, but shows God where out heart lies. Because our actions are somewhat dictated by our hearts. If I REALLY love God and REALLY want to serve Him, than I'll do what is necessary to overcome the flesh, the sinful side of my nature and I'll tap into the Holy Spirit's guidance and I'll do what is right, but it is a daily, even minute by minute challenge.
There are areas of life where I really struggle and I know that I'm living in the gray area and a big part of me quite frankly enjoys the gray. The gray is where the fun (for the flesh) happens. Living life when everything is black and white is not always "fun". It isn't fun to say no to certain activities, at least not in the short term.
While we life for today and realize that God hasn't promised us tomorrow, we also shouldn't live just in the short term. Our focus shouldn't be "Does this bring me joy now, does it satisfy me now?" Our focus should be "Does this choice help me please God and protect my future joy?"
For example, sex is a big issue in society. God created sex for many reasons. God created it as a means of procreation. God created sex as a means of gaining deep intimacy. God created sex to burn calories, for fun, for creativity, for excitement. God also created sex as a way for 2 humans to see on a limited scale just how close the Holy Trinity is. Just as in sex 2 people become 1, the Trinity is always 1.
In the right context sex is great and holy and should be enjoyed to its fullest. Go forth and do it! But in the wrong context, sex is a sin. Sex was designed for marriage. A man and a woman get married and then sex is a GO--but not for anyone else. That man or woman can have sex only with their spouse.
But here is where it gets to the gray area and where a lot of Christians have very deep held beliefs as do non Christians. What constitutes sex? No really. When the Bible talks about sex is the Bible just talking about penile to vaginal intercourse? Or does it include all forms: fellatio, cunnilingus, sodomy, etc.?
A lot of conservatives will say that it is ANYTHING sexual, even beyond what I mentioned---things like petting and french kissing are included in the sex act of marriage. On the other hand, the more liberal people will say that Biblical sex is when the penis enters the vagina, that is what should be saved for marriage (and the conservatives will come back with "those people are just trying to justify their behaviors").
Sex, which some may consider a black and white issue becomes a gray area issue. Just what do you consider sex (I know, you feel like we are back in the Clinton era)? This is just an example of how complicated life can get and why it is such a daily struggle to live a Christ honoring life.
I think part of the solution is to learn to not see life as what we can get away with, but what can we do to glorify Christ? Another way to look at it: it isn't about how close can we get to the electrified fence without feeling a buzz, but what can enjoy within the confines of this great big yard called Biblical living? God calls us to a life of higher standards, but He doesn't call us to a life of boredom.
The Christian life should be the better, the more freeing choice. Yes, it is a daily challenge to get there and see just how much freedom we have in Christ, but it is worth it. Oh boy is it worth it! And, yes even the heroes of the faith struggled with sin. It isn't about achieving perfection, but it is about the striving for perfection, the journey and the want. Like they say "Aim for the moon, and when you miss you will land among the stars"
Yet, do my daily choices reflect those beliefs? Am I doing everything I can to live a life worthy of calling myself a Christian? Am I showing the Lord my gratitude through my actions?
Those should be questions that we ask ourselves each day. Each day we need to feel challenged to live the Christian life in a way that not only shows the world where our faith is, but shows God where out heart lies. Because our actions are somewhat dictated by our hearts. If I REALLY love God and REALLY want to serve Him, than I'll do what is necessary to overcome the flesh, the sinful side of my nature and I'll tap into the Holy Spirit's guidance and I'll do what is right, but it is a daily, even minute by minute challenge.
There are areas of life where I really struggle and I know that I'm living in the gray area and a big part of me quite frankly enjoys the gray. The gray is where the fun (for the flesh) happens. Living life when everything is black and white is not always "fun". It isn't fun to say no to certain activities, at least not in the short term.
While we life for today and realize that God hasn't promised us tomorrow, we also shouldn't live just in the short term. Our focus shouldn't be "Does this bring me joy now, does it satisfy me now?" Our focus should be "Does this choice help me please God and protect my future joy?"
For example, sex is a big issue in society. God created sex for many reasons. God created it as a means of procreation. God created sex as a means of gaining deep intimacy. God created sex to burn calories, for fun, for creativity, for excitement. God also created sex as a way for 2 humans to see on a limited scale just how close the Holy Trinity is. Just as in sex 2 people become 1, the Trinity is always 1.
In the right context sex is great and holy and should be enjoyed to its fullest. Go forth and do it! But in the wrong context, sex is a sin. Sex was designed for marriage. A man and a woman get married and then sex is a GO--but not for anyone else. That man or woman can have sex only with their spouse.
But here is where it gets to the gray area and where a lot of Christians have very deep held beliefs as do non Christians. What constitutes sex? No really. When the Bible talks about sex is the Bible just talking about penile to vaginal intercourse? Or does it include all forms: fellatio, cunnilingus, sodomy, etc.?
A lot of conservatives will say that it is ANYTHING sexual, even beyond what I mentioned---things like petting and french kissing are included in the sex act of marriage. On the other hand, the more liberal people will say that Biblical sex is when the penis enters the vagina, that is what should be saved for marriage (and the conservatives will come back with "those people are just trying to justify their behaviors").
Sex, which some may consider a black and white issue becomes a gray area issue. Just what do you consider sex (I know, you feel like we are back in the Clinton era)? This is just an example of how complicated life can get and why it is such a daily struggle to live a Christ honoring life.
I think part of the solution is to learn to not see life as what we can get away with, but what can we do to glorify Christ? Another way to look at it: it isn't about how close can we get to the electrified fence without feeling a buzz, but what can enjoy within the confines of this great big yard called Biblical living? God calls us to a life of higher standards, but He doesn't call us to a life of boredom.
The Christian life should be the better, the more freeing choice. Yes, it is a daily challenge to get there and see just how much freedom we have in Christ, but it is worth it. Oh boy is it worth it! And, yes even the heroes of the faith struggled with sin. It isn't about achieving perfection, but it is about the striving for perfection, the journey and the want. Like they say "Aim for the moon, and when you miss you will land among the stars"
Friday, July 16, 2010
Growing
There have been many days lately when I really wonder. Am I making the right decisions? Am I doing the Lord's will? Is my life a fragrant offering to the Lord? I know that there are days when we can all (if we are being honest) say "No, not really." So how do we turn those no answers into affirmative answers? It is so easy to get caught up in sin cycles, where we make the same mistakes, sin the same sins day after day.
I'm not talking about huge things, I'm talking about what we would call the little sins. Small things that creep up. These things may seem small in our view, but we only see things in a limited field of vision.
Every sin is a big sin. Every sin carries the same penalty. It doesn't matter if all you did was make fun of someone, it carries the same penalty as killing them. That penalty is death. Now, it may not mean your death, but it did mean Christ's death. That thought sobers me. It should also spur me to live a holier life, knowing just how far Christ went to pay for my sins.
Yet, I still struggle and some days I feel like a real failure and a real disappointment to my Lord. I love Him. I love Jesus, I love the Father, I love the Holy Spirit. Yet, my life falls far short of showing that love. I screw up. I do things I wish I wouldn't do. I say things I wish I wouldn't say.
We are told in Scripture to be honest, to live lives of integrity and I'm a firm believer in that way of life. But I also believe that not everyone needs to know the exact details of everything I struggle with, nor do I need to know their exact struggles (and yes I'm a counselor saying this. I expect clients to be honest, if they want to grow, but I don't need to know what 8 billion people are struggling with. That is God's job). There are things that we all struggle with. It is enough sometimes to just ask for prayer. To say to someone, "hey I'm trying to take a few steps forward in my walk and I seem to be hitting some roadblocks, could you please pray for me to find my way past them?"
That is enough, it says to the other person. "Yeah, I admit that I'm not perfect and I need help." I think that is what the Lord wants. He wants us to be honest, to be vulnerable and to admit the truth: we are not perfect and we need HIS help.
So, today I want to admit, "I'm trying to grow. I want to grow. But I'm finding that the path to holiness is hard and I'm trying to overcome some struggles and areas of sin that are ensnaring me. Will you please pray for me to stay focused on the Lord and to enlist HIS divine help in overcoming them, so that I can live a life that is a sweet fragrance to Him, that pleases Him and that shows the world just who my faith is in."
Thank you! Your prayers are appreciated!
I'm not talking about huge things, I'm talking about what we would call the little sins. Small things that creep up. These things may seem small in our view, but we only see things in a limited field of vision.
Every sin is a big sin. Every sin carries the same penalty. It doesn't matter if all you did was make fun of someone, it carries the same penalty as killing them. That penalty is death. Now, it may not mean your death, but it did mean Christ's death. That thought sobers me. It should also spur me to live a holier life, knowing just how far Christ went to pay for my sins.
Yet, I still struggle and some days I feel like a real failure and a real disappointment to my Lord. I love Him. I love Jesus, I love the Father, I love the Holy Spirit. Yet, my life falls far short of showing that love. I screw up. I do things I wish I wouldn't do. I say things I wish I wouldn't say.
We are told in Scripture to be honest, to live lives of integrity and I'm a firm believer in that way of life. But I also believe that not everyone needs to know the exact details of everything I struggle with, nor do I need to know their exact struggles (and yes I'm a counselor saying this. I expect clients to be honest, if they want to grow, but I don't need to know what 8 billion people are struggling with. That is God's job). There are things that we all struggle with. It is enough sometimes to just ask for prayer. To say to someone, "hey I'm trying to take a few steps forward in my walk and I seem to be hitting some roadblocks, could you please pray for me to find my way past them?"
That is enough, it says to the other person. "Yeah, I admit that I'm not perfect and I need help." I think that is what the Lord wants. He wants us to be honest, to be vulnerable and to admit the truth: we are not perfect and we need HIS help.
So, today I want to admit, "I'm trying to grow. I want to grow. But I'm finding that the path to holiness is hard and I'm trying to overcome some struggles and areas of sin that are ensnaring me. Will you please pray for me to stay focused on the Lord and to enlist HIS divine help in overcoming them, so that I can live a life that is a sweet fragrance to Him, that pleases Him and that shows the world just who my faith is in."
Thank you! Your prayers are appreciated!
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