Expressing Love

Years ago a book was published, The Love Languages. In this book the author discusses the 5 major love languages. These love languages include:
1. Quality Time
-You express love by spending time with the people you love
2. Physical Touch/Closeness
-You express love through hugs/kisses/being near the people you love
3. Gifts
-You express love through the giving of gifts
4. Words
-You express love through what you say
5. Service
-You express love by doing things for those you love

According to the author we all have a dominate love language, or of those 5, we have one that we gravitate toward the most. When I was younger that might have been true. But I've noticed that as I grow older, I'm more and more a mesh of all of them.

I like to give gifts to my friends and family to say "I love you". It is fun to get to watch people open a gift, just as it is to think of the person as I am making the gift or if I spy it in the store. Yet, gift giving isn't anymore dominate for me than the others. I love to do things for others, help clean the apartment/house, do little things for those I love. I find that telling people I love them is important. Physical touch is necessary. Sometimes I just need to hug or kiss my SO. We could be hanging out, playing a game (quality time) and that isn't enough, I need to touch and be touched. And last is quality time, yes, I want to spend as much quality time with those I love as possible.

So, while I agree with the author that we need to recognize our love languages, I have yet to figure out which one is the most dominate in me. I express love through all of them.


The other side of the coin is to figure out how you receive love. Which language makes me feel the most loved? Once again I'm met with an enigma. Because I express love through all 5 languages, I can receive it as well through all 5. I can recognize that when my SO is helping me hang a clothes line (SERVICE) that is one way of showing me he loves me, just as he does when we hug or kiss (PHYSICAL TOUCH), or when he is cooking me dinner (SERVICE again), playing Sorry with me (QUALITY TIME), texting me goodnight (WORDS), or picking me up some M&M's (GIFTs). Each of those I see as ways that he is expressing his love.

I can agree that some people may have a language that speaks more fluently. My Dad would be a service guy. Growing up he was always doing, doing, doing. Working extra hours, or doing things around the house. He shows his love through acts of service. Dad is totally more fluent in service than others, and that is great. We need more Martha's in this world. Just we need some Mary's. People that see the importance of quality time-just sitting with those they love.

Recognizing that what your parents, sibling, or spouse is doing is their way of saying I Love You is very important, and that I think is the crux of the book. It is important to discuss this with those you love, so that you can understand the motivation behind what is going on.

So, spend some time thinking how you show love, how you receive it, and just who in your life could use a little bit more.