I _________ take thee ___________ to be my lawfully wedded spouse. To have and to hold. In sickness and in health. For richer or poorer, till death parts us. And with those vows two people are eternally joined in the holy matrimony, in the sight of witnesses and more importantly in the sight of God.
When two people first get married the marriage is in the honeymoon stage. It is all love, romance, good feelings. Each spouse is amazing in the eyes of the other. There may be little squabbles, but no big fights. This is a good stage. We should be excited when we first get married. It is an exciting, holy, adventurous time. It is a time of new beginnings, the creation of a marriage.
Eventually the marriage moves from honeymoon to newlywed stage. At the bedrock of each stage should be love and commitment. During the newlywed phase the couple loves each other. They are adjusting to each other, and to life together, to the idiosyncrasies of each other. This stage could include some disillusionment. As the couple learns how to be married, how to do the daily life of marriage, each spouse will become more transparent, and with transparency comes disillusionment. You see that your spouse is not perfect. That sexy can sometimes go out the door for comfortable, easy.
Disillusionment isn't necessarily bad. It is more of an unveiling. You learn that your marriage isn't perfect, that it is going to take work, that you each have your strengths, your good days, and the bad. But you learn that as you two become more real with each other, live with each other, squabble and forgive, that you are more in love with each other and, you are safe to let your hair down. You can be you, and this other person still loves you! At the end of the day they still come home to YOU!
The newlywed phase can move into the married phase. The married phase is when you've grown accustomed to each other. Your marriage has a pattern that you are both comfortable with. You love each other, you take care of each other. You are not afraid of the arguments, you know how to solve things. You two are continuing to grow in the Lord and you see that your marriage can be vital, exciting, and full of daily life.
This phase can last for decades, or it can be ended for the parental phase. This is the phase of children in the home. The sexy romance filled days of earlier phases are partially traded for the crying, laughter, child filled days of being a parent. You two still take time for each other, but it is more difficult, as you work to raise and love your children. Once a parent, always a parent, but the child filled days somewhat end when the children grow up and move out.
Then you are an empty nester. The house is no longer filled with diapers, or sullen teens. It is back to just the 2 of you. Each couple has to find their identity again, and you find that while you miss the sounds of your children, and you miss their clutter, you are loving having time to just be with your spouse. Your love has grown and changed, and now you understand how precious time together is.
Then, a spouse dies and the relationship enters widow/widower phase, the last phase. The surviving spouse learns to live with the hole, the side of the bed that is cold, the clean plates, the food left not eaten, the quiet where there should be conversation.
No matter what stage you are in, enjoy it. Work with your spouse to deepen the relationship, to grow closer to each other, to enjoy the phase you are in. Each phase is good. Most of all, remember to be a friend and a support to your spouse, be honest with them. If you need something let them know. Our spouses can't read our minds! Honesty may cause some arguments, but in the end those can be settled, and it is better than harboring bitterness.
God created marriage. Marriage is good. Marriage is holy. Marriage is work. Marriage should be one of the toughest jobs you'll ever love. Do what you can to make your marriage the best marriage, you deserve it, your spouse deserves it, and if you have kids, your kids deserve to grow up in a loving home, with parents that love them and that love each other.
-JLP-
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