They Won't Be Home For Christmas

They Won't Be Home For Christmas

Another year, American Heroes
Are fighting in a foreign land
And there is still, no end in sight
A part of life they hadn't planned.

They do their duty without question
And they all stand proud and tall
They are placed there in harm's way
As they answer, our Country's call.

They'll get by the best they can
And improvise ingenious ways
To find a way to celebrate
The meaning of the Holidays.

Peace on Earth, good will towards men
Is really, kinda hard to do
When all around, there are folks
Whose only wish, is to kill you.

There are far too many families
Who will never again know the joy
That the Christmastime can bring
And cruel, wartime can destroy.

The lucky will return back home
But lives will never be the same
Forever changed in heart and mind
By humankind's unholy game.

They won't be home for Christmas
And sadly, some will never be
But all of them will share one thing
That's the war Hero's legacy.

So as you gather 'round the tree
With your loved ones by your side
Think about those, "over there"
While you enjoy, your Yuletide.

Del "Abe" Jones
White Bluff, TN

A Holly, Jolly Christmas?

Last night I was awake wondering just what makes Christmas holly and jolly. I remember as a child having wonderful Christmases. It started early Christmas Eve and lasted through Grandma's birthday on the 28th. Christmas was a time of family, friends, sledding and good food. It was also a time to focus on the birth of Christ and celebrate our Savior.

As I've gotten older and become an adult, Christmas has changed. My grandparents have gone to be with the Lord, my sister has her own Christmas where she lives and a few years I have had to worked on Christmas.

With all the changes that have gone on in my life Christmas is not the same for me. That isn't a bad thing, it is just what it is. Life changes. I'm just trying to decide what makes a good, jolly Christmas? I know that most of the answer lies in celebrating the true meaning of Christmas and choosing to have a good attitude, no matter who is with you.

I write this as I think of my friends that are in Iraq and Afghanistan, and my military spouse friends who have a loved one serving. To think that the person you love most is gone, in harm's way on this most familial of all holidays. Yet, many of these people still have a jolly Christmas, because of the attitude.

So in spite of the fact that I wish my sis and nephew were here, and that if I had my way Grandma and Grandpa were still here I plan on choosing to have a jolly Christmas and to make merry with those that I do get to see. I think the answer I want lies in taking advantage of the people I do get to spend the day with and focusing on the positives and not what is "missing".

So, no matter where you are, and what your Christmas looks like, may you too have a "holly, jolly Christmas this year!"

Brrrr....

Wyoming. Just one word, seven little letters, yet for me it conjures up so much. Wyoming conjures up Cowboys and Indians, rodeos, horseback rides on the prairie, backpacking trips in the BigHorn mountains, and most of all family and friends. Wyoming also conjures up cold and snowy winters and that dreamed of "white Christmas".

Right now I'm experiencing that cold that I mentioned. Below zero temps with colder wind chills. It is C-O-L-D, COLD! But guess what!?! I'm LOVING IT!!!! That's right, the cold must have gone to my head because I'm loving this weather. I feel so alive when I go outside. Putting on my ear covering, gloves, winter coat, thick socks and running out to start the truck so I can run back inside while it warms up and I thaw from the 45 seconds I was just outside. Driving slowly to avoid doing cookies and playing demolition derby, it is all great!

Why is it so great? Because it is Winter (well in most of the US at least, it is still pre-midnight here). Winter for me is the best season because it is full of hope. Hope and rest. Hope for the Spring that always comes and brings new life. Hope in the Savior whose birth we celebrate, Hope in a new year. HOPE is such a precious word and even more precious feeling. Hope helps us survive and get through the hardest of times.

But Winter is also a time of rest. A time to recharge and hunker down. A time to take life a bit slower and prepare for the busy time. Most of our lives are busy right now, but Winter is still the season of rest for me and recharging my batteries. We all need to make the time and just rest, the blanket of snow on the ground reminds me of that.

Winter is also the time of snow here in Wyoming. Snow is just great! I can make snow cream, snow angels, snow men, snow balls, snow forts, SNOW, SNOW, SNOW!!! Such a magical, wonderful substance and I can't get enough!

So, yes even I will admit that it is COLD right now, but I love the cold because it is part of Wyoming and I love Wyoming. I don't live here anymore, and may never again, but it is still in my heart and will always be in my heart. It is a state that I love for many reasons, and one of them is the cold.

Have a good Sunday and stay Warm!

Paige

The Reason We Sing

I thought I would pause and post the lyrics to a song that has always been a favorite one of mine. The song explains why I sing (even if God is the only one who thinks it sounds good!). It also explains why Christians should join together in musical worship of the Savior.

THE REASON WE SING

VERSE 1
He has brought us together
Each of us a different gift to bring.
We’ll serve Him forever
Even if the cost is everything.
He has called us to be faithful,
So with one heart we give this offering.

CHORUS
The reason we sing,
The reason we lift our voice,
Is more than just making harmony.
The reason we sing
Is to praise the one who gave His Son to be
The reason we sing.

VERSE 2
It's more than just an emotion,
His spirit gives us joy that we can't hide.
We will not be silent,
We've got to let the world hear what's inside.
And as we praise Him with our music,
Jesus is the one we glorify.

(Repeat Chorus)

***Paige***

PTSD Resources

As promised I am including a list of resources on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Books:
The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook
by: Glenn R. Schiraldi

The PTSD Workbook
by: Mary Beth Williams & Soili Poijula

An Operator's Manual for Combat PTSD
by: Ashley B. Hart II & Art Nottingham

The Veteran's PTSD Handbook
by: John D. Roche

Cross-Cultural Assessment of Psychological Trauma and PTSD
by: John P. Wilson & Catherine C. So-Kum Tang

My Journey to Peace with PTSD
by: Lady Cerelli

Moving a Nation to Care: PTSD and America's Returning Troops
by: Ilona Meagher


Websites:
http://www.ncptsd.org
The official PTSD site run by the US Dep't of Veteran's Affairs

http://www.ptsdinfo.org/
A gateway site to help you gather information on PTSD

http://www.ptsdmanual.com/
A great site for military person's dealing with PTSD
Also gives an overview of the disorder that civilians may find handy

http://www.ptsdforum.org/
A great place to meet online other people that know about and deal with the
the disorder. A forum to discuss all things PTSD.

http://www.adaa.org/public/selftest_PTSD.htm
A test that you can use on yourself or with a loved one if you think there
might be a case of PTSD

***I have read all the books listed and thoroughly explored the websites listed. This list is far from comprehensive, but it gives you a jumping off point if this is something you care to learn more about.***


-Paige-

Combat PTSD

PTSD first came onto the radar screen as Shell Shock in soldiers. Combat issues are one of the most common triggers of PTSD, and no wonder. The things that our soldiers are forced to see and do are horrific. Yes, they sign up to be soldiers, and in America, no one is forcing them. But the truth is that combat is tough, no matter how prepared you think you are. You see things that humans are not supposed to see. God designed us to GIVE and NURTURE life, not take it away.

Not every soldier in combat will contract PTSD and that is a blessing, and there are some things that we and they can do to try and prevent it. First of all, the soldier needs to go prepared. He/She needs to know that it will be hell, mentally prepare for the worst. Second, the soldier needs a good base back on the home front supporting and praying for him/her. Having people to talk to, to correspond with, people that will let you just talk. Bottling the experiences up is one way to increase your chances of having to deal with PTSD. We need outlets, all humans do. Also, reports and studies have shown that physical fitness is also a good preventative measure. Endorphins are amazing things, make use of your body's own defense mechinisms.

Even if you take preventative measures there is still a high chance that you (or the soldier you love) will have PTSD. The first thing that soldier needs to know is that having PTSD doesn't make him weak or less of a soldier. It isn't something that he can totally control. SEEK HELP. The military is getting much better (there is still a long way to go) at positively dealing with PTSD.

Refer to my previous post to look up the signs of PTSD. If you or a loved one have even 1 of these symptoms then SEEK HELP. There is no shame in wanting to talk to someone, and better safe than sorry. PTSD if not treated has been linked to numerous suicides, homicides, substance abuse, it causes the suffer to sometimes act irrationally and take out his/her pain on those they love and cherish. But, with the proper help this can be dealt with.

PTSD doesn't have to plague you, and as a soldier you can overcome and go onto having an amazing military career, it might even help you be a better officer, because you know what it is like and how to recognize the signs in those you command. If it is a loved that has the disorder, than you too can talk to a counselor or read some books (I'll be posting a reading list tomorrow) and find proven methods to help them.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SUFFER ALONE! THERE ARE THOSE OF US THAT LOVE YOU AND WANT TO HELP!
*Paige*

PTSD- the Definition

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a debilitating condition that follows a terrifying event. Often, people with PTSD have persistent frightening thoughts and memories of their ordeal and feel emotionally numb, especially with people they were once close to. PTSD, once referred to as shell shock, was first brought to public attention by war veterans, but it can result from any number of traumatic incidents. These include kidnapping, serious accidents such as car or train wrecks, natural disasters such as floods or earthquakes, violent attacks such as a mugging, rape, or torture, or being held captive. The event that triggers it may be something that threatened the person's life or the life of someone close to him or her.

The person has experienced or witnessed or was confronted with an unusually traumatic event that has both of these elements:

The event involved actual or threatened death or serious physical injury to the person or to others,

and

The person felt intense fear, horror or helplessness

The person repeatedly relives the event in at least 1 of these ways:

Intrusive, distressing recollections - thoughts, images.
Repeated, distressing dreams.
Through flashbacks, hallucinations or illusions, acts or feels as if the event were
recurring.
Marked mental distress in reaction to internal or external cues that symbolize or
resemble the event.
Physiological reactivity - such as rapid heart beat, elevated blood pressure in response to these cues.

The person repeatedly avoids the trauma-related stimuli and has numbing of general responsiveness (absent before the traumatic event) as shown by 3 or more of:

Tries to avoid thoughts, feelings or conversations concerned with the event.
Tries to avoid activities, people or places that recall the event.
Cannot recall an important feature of the event.
Marked loss of interest or participation in activities important to the patient.
Feels detached or isolated from other people.
Restriction in ability to love or feel other strong emotions.
Feels life will be brief or unfulfilled (lack of marriage, job, children).

At least 2 of the following symptoms of hyperarousal were not present before the traumatic event:

Insomnia (initial or interval)
Irritability
Poor concentration
Hypervigilance
Increased startle response

The above symptoms have lasted longer than one month.

These symptoms cause clinically important distress or impair work, social or personal functioning.
Important Gender Differences:

The most common precipitating events for PTSD in women were rape and physical assault (33.8% and 32.3% of reported events, respectively).

For men, seeing someone seriously hurt or killed and physical assault were the most prevalent (25.3% and 20.3%). Women and men were equally likely to have been exposed to trauma.

Women, however, were more likely than men to meet criteria for lifetime and current PTSD.

Adjusting for gender differences, subjects who were severely dependent on cocaine were
more likely than moderately dependent subjects to meet lifetime criteria for PTSD.

PTSD also was more prevalent in subjects with a history of major depression, antisocial
personality disorder, and cannabis dependence, but not alcohol dependence.

Associated Features:

Depressed Mood
Somatic or Sexual Dysfunction
Guilt or Obsession
Addiction

Differential Diagnosis:

Some disorders display similar or sometimes even the same symptom. The clinician, therefore, in his/her diagnostic attempt, has to differentiate against the following disorders which he/she needs to rule out to establish a precise diagnosis.

Adjustment Disorder
Brief Psychotic Disorder.
Conversion Disorder.
Major Depressive Disorder.
Acute Stress Disorder
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Schizophrenia
Mood Disorder With Psychotic Features
Delirium
Substance-Induced Disorders
Psychotic Disorders Due to a General Medical Condition
Malingering

Cause:

PTSD can occur at any age as it is dependent upon the experience of a traumatic event. Such events include:

Military Combat
Violent Criminal Attacks
Sexual Assaults
Serious Accidents
Life threatening natural disasters

The cause is not known, but psychological, genetic, physical, and social factors may contribute to it. In studies of Vietnam war veterans, those with strong support systems were less likely to develop PTSD than those without or poor support systems and PTSD develops immediately after they experience the traumatic event. However, in other people, signs of the disorder do not develop until several weeks, months, or even years after the event.

Treatment:

Individual or group therapy, in addition to some medications, may be used in the treatment of PTSD.
Counseling and Psychotherapy [ See Therapy Section ]:

Although psychodynamic psychotherapy is commonly used to treat the disorder, its effectiveness is controversial. Recently Exposure Therapy as part of a Cognitive Behavioral approach and/or EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy) have in many case been the treatment of choice. Therapy therefore helps those with post-traumatic stress disorder work through the traumatic event that caused the condition.

Pharmacotherapy [ See Psychopharmacology Section ] :

Certain antidepressant medications and mild tranquilizers are sometimes prescribed to help lessen some of the painful symptoms associated with PTSD.

There are also strong indications that the atypical antipsychotic Olanzapine (Zyprexa) aids in stabilizing the mood and reducing flashbacks in combat veterans suffering from PTSD.


***Information comes straight from the DSM-IV (the bible for MH pros."

Journal from February 2, 2008

***** I thought that as I introduce a week of posts on PTSD I would include my journal entry from Feb. 2, 2008 my 6 year anniversary.******


Dear Journal,
I'd think by now that I would be better. All the manuals that I've studied, all the research and data shows that I should be better. I've sought help through studies, through friends and through counseling. So why won't this go away? Why do the nightmares, daymares, hallucinations and the anxiety still exist. Somedays I feel like it only happened a few months ago, not 6 years. Six years is a long time, I should be better by now. So why am I not? What purpose does the Lord have in allowing this problem to continue to plague me? Haven't I done my penance or whatever? I could deal with this better if I knew what purpose it served!
PTSD is an ugly, ugly thing. It is a wound that no one else can see. If I allow them, and if my walls crack, than the effects are quite visible, but the wound itself is invisible. It is there, and yet, how do I explain it? How do I explain what is going on in my head? One minute I'm fine, and then I'll see someone that reminds me of one of my attackers and I'll have a panic attack, or maybe it will wait and show up in my dreams.
The dreams are the worst part for me. For some, sleep is an escape. For me it is torture. All to often I relive the rape, or the attack by my ex, but the rape is much, much worse. I'm back there. Back to being helpless, the captive to 2 men and a gun. Back to being at their mercy, to feeling everything, seeing it, hearing myself, and hearing them. What they said was almost as bad as what they did, but nothing is that evil, nothing.
I wake up and I'm covered in sweat, and all I want to do is take a shower or a bath, but moving from my bed is too scary. It takes 10-20 minutes just to shake the dream enough so that I can make it to the tub, and there I generally stand, letting the water course over me, so hot that it hurts, but I need it that hot to burn away the fear.
Waking up alone in my bed is the worst. Knowing that I'm alone. I have God, and I love HIM, I do! I have my friends, family and my cat, but when it comes to dealing with this stuff, I deal with it alone, I wake up alone, I shower alone, I wash the dread away alone, and I go about my business, w/o that someone to lean on, I have to lean on myself. I pray and that does help, because God is the God of Help and comfort. He is my gentle Shepherd, but He still hasn't removed all the fear, pain, and repercussions of my life.
I could deal with it better if I knew WHY! I'm not normally a "why me?" person, and that isn't the point. I can deal with it, I have for 6 years now. I want to why it still plagues me, and how God expects to turn the pain and evil into good. What is His plan in all this?
I'm working on my book and I hope to get it published. I hope and pray to be able to work with other trauma victims and help them see the healing power of Christ. Because as much as I still suffer, it isn't everyday anymore, and I see that I am much stronger, more in love with Christ, and better able to take care of myself than I ever have been. It is just that in these dark hours, when it creeps back up that I'm back to being the victim. It is an attitude that I have to squelch. I have to push it down and remind myself of the blessings in my life, the good things, the fact that I am safe here (I hope!). It comes back, but it isn't as bad as it once was, because it isn't as often and I've learned that getting drunk isn't the answer. Running to God is the answer.
So, as I contemplate the strides that I have made in the past 6 years I can look back with some pride and thankfulness that I am getting better and I can face a future that will be even brighter. Yet, the problems are still there, the fear, the anxiety, the nightmares are still vivid, the PTSD is still real, but I've now learned the secret and that is JESUS. Jesus is the secret to joyfully getting through the next year.
Thank You Jesus,
Paige


***Sorry this post is so long, but I felt the Lord tugging at my heart to include the whole entry. Right now I'm trying to find a way to link my research paper on PTSD to this site, so that I don't have to just post the whole thing (it is 20+ pages long). If you have any ideas let me know! Thanks!***

-Paige-

PTSD

These two video clips from YouTube will start to show some of the things that a person with PTSD deals with. It isn't much fun at all, and in fact generally people with PTSD will have other problems like: drug and alcohol abuse as a way to numb the pain from PTSD. I'll be writing more on PTSD in the coming days.

-Paige-

The Shortbread Paid the Price!

Do you ever find yourself attempting too much at a time? Maybe you are like me and you are prone to doing this, especially when trying to stay busy and not think about other things, things that would cause your stress level to boil over. There are just times when we can't handle all that life is throwing our way. Lately I've been dealing with just that.

Between the precarious health of a few family members, the end of the semester, figuring out what to do with my cat while I travel this holiday season, dealing with some relationship issues, and well just day to day stress.

Last night I decided to relieve some of my stress by driving to BK and ordering some fries. So I get dressed (I was in pj's, threw on something a bit more appropriate-my jogging clothes!) and got in my car. It was a bit chilly, but actually not bad. Well, I pull up to the drive through to order and my window WON'T roll down! So something that I thought would help me deal with some stress actually added more! HUMBUG! In the grand scheme of things a window that won't roll down in Winter is not all bad, nor is it an immediate concern, but I'm mean, really, couldn't it have waited till after finals on Wednesday!?!

One of my favorite activities I do to de-stress is to bake or cook. I should know though that I can't bake when I'm super stressed because I'll get busy doing 1 (or usually 3) other things while the food is in the over. Today was no exception-today I was baking some shortbread and as it was in the over I came up here to study and check my e-mail, and the shortbread paid the price. I didn't hear the timer go off, and I well, forgot to take it out of the over! It is still edible, it isn't completely burnt, but it isn't my best effort! Oh well, if the shortbread is the only casualty of my overly stressed life than I guess I'm doing ok.

So what do you do to de-stress? What are the things that have been causing you the most stress lately? Either sound off here, or just think about it and give them over to God.

-Paige-

Concentration

Normally I'm one of those people that can focus on the job at hand, regardless of what is going outside of my focus. I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing. It is a skill I honed freshmen year of college, and it is how I was able to keep my charade up for so long, before I finally had to tell someone about my rape (and once I tore down that wall, it was down!)

This week has not been one of them. This week I have not been able to focus on my studies for anything. It is not cool. First I was sick (not to gross people out but) and it is hard to study when you are having to urp every few minutes and the world is spinning out of control.

Today, I'm finally feeling better and thinking that "YES- 48 hours to just study! I can still do well!" and then...BOOM...I get a call that someone dear to me is in the ER. So, I spend the afternoon waiting for news, and not able to concentrate on Augustine and crowd. And then I get another call, and another call, and I have to call others and share the news. So, it has not been as studious a day as I'd like. But I have tomorrow, right!?!

My goal is still to ace my finals, I just wish that it had been a more productive week leading up to it. But even so, I expect that I will do well, because I don't accept any less from myself. School is something that I generally do well at. I can't sing, draw or do ballet, but I can study and focus (generally).

Life is never as simple as I'd like it to be!

-Paige-

Pearl Harbor 68 Years Later

December 7, 1941 is a day which shall live in infamy. On that day, we Americans were attacked by Japan. Thinking about that day, and the consequences of those attacks (basically it is why we finally joined WWII) I wonder what would have happened to the course of history if Japan did not attack us? Would we still have joined the fight against Hitler on the European front? Would we have remained out of the Pacific? And, if we had remained out of the Pacific, would that have prevented other nations have becoming nuclear?

Life is full of "what-ifs" and, as Aslan says (in Prince Caspian)"It is not for us to know what would have happened." Who knows how events would have unfolded as they did. Regardless, I still like to think that our country would have done the right thing and joined in the fight.

As much as each military life loss and disability is, there is a reason that we go to war, and WWII was justified. It sucks that issues sometimes have to be resolved through war, but there are times when war is the only answer. Hitler had to be disposed of. He was evil and his evil infected many other people that helped him. His brand of evil caused the deaths of millions in camps, and way too many on the battlefield.

Another person who had to go is Saddam. He was evil as well. It doesn't matter if you think that the Iraq conflict was justified, I think you will agree that S.H. was an evil guy and it is good that is no longer with us.

I wish the Iraq War was going differently, that none of our soldiers had to sacrifice limb or life. But, I'm glad that they are over there, getting rid of people that would love to do deal evil on America. Much like the Japanese they brought this on themselves. America will not just let herself be attacked. The radical Muslims brought this on themselves. And by being over there, out military has done much to protect the homeland and keep them away from us.

We, here at home become complacent because we have not been attacked again. We don't hear on the news all the terror plots that have been thwarted. We will never know the plans that were aborted because we killed the players.

Just as we will never know how things would have played out if Japan hadn't attacked us, or if we had chosen to retaliate in a different way, we will never know just how many terror attacks have been prevented because our military has taken the fight to the Sandbox and Afghanistan.

As I think about it all and play the "what-if" game I'm thankful to live in America and to live in a country where we don't just accept an attack on our soil as fate. We do something about it, always have!

-Paige-

You Just Never Know!

I was online at www.dayspring.com to send some e-cards to some of my dear friends, to let them know that I'm thinking about them and praying for them. It was there, as I looking through the prayer section that I came across a card that just made me cry (good tears). It was titled "Somebody's Praying Me Through". I thought that I would share the testimonies on the card with y'all. They just go to show that when God prompts us to pray we need to listen and do it, because we don't know how God will use our obedience.

"The rain was coming down hard and fast, so thick we could barely make out the desert landscape ahead of us. It went on for days. The rain continued to pound us relentlessly, until we finally neared the Kuwaiti border. Our battalion halted.

On the other side the enemy waited. Rain or no rain, we'd soon be going in. We awoke on the day of the invasion to clear skies and glorious sunshine. As we closed in on the border, I couldn't help but stare at the astounding site before us. The torrential rains I had prayed to God to stop had washed away the sand to reveal metal discs planted all across the path. It was an Iraqi minefield." (Major Halt, US Army/Persian Gulf War)
**************************************

"So I prayed, "God...you've got to do something." There was an open field we had to get across somehow, but it was going to expose us to the enemy. And they were firing. Somehow, from out of nowhere, came this white cloud and surrounded us, and we made it across safely. Found out later there was this old prayer warrior at our church. Mrs. Tankersly, which God had woken up in the middle of the night and said "Spencer's in trouble, pray for him right now." And the last part of her prayer was, "God whatever danger Spencer is in, just cover him with a cloud." That's exactly what he did!" (Spencer January, WWII)
********************************************

"My teacher asked my class to write a letter to an unknown soldier in the gulf. It was a very special project for me because my daddy was also a soldier. So I told my unknown soldier what I wanted to tell my daddy...that his family missed him, loved him, and was praying for him. I wondered if any soldier would even get my letter, and then I got a letter back. I couldn't believe it--I knew the handwriting on it! And somehow, with all the solder letters sent by kids across the country, mine had been sent to my very own father. I still prayed for him every night, but I felt certain that God was watching over my father." (Karen Fiorella at age 10 daughter of Chuck Fiorella, US Army/Persian Gulf War)
*************************************

We just never know God will use our prayers and our obedience. God can do anything, with or without us, but He chooses to use the obedience of His children many times. So why don't we take the time right now to pray for everything God has out on our hearts? I know, I know- we are all busy, we don't have the time! But what is more important in the grand scheme of things- doing whatever you were doing, or praying for others???

-Paige-

109th Army-Navy Game

Well the Navy continues to dominate this rivalry. With their 34-0 shutout victory earlier today the Navy has now won 7 in a row. Congrats to the Navy.

For me, it could have gone either way, really. This is one of my favorite sporting events to watch. The rivalry is more than a century old and these boys play hard. It is football as it should be, for fun. There is no need to impress recruiters, because these guys all know where they will be upon graduation...officers in the world's best military. The game is full of tradition and played for pride, as sports should be.

But, a shut-out!?! Come on Navy, you could have let them score a field goal at least!!!

I come from a family where both my grandfathers were in the Navy as were 2 uncles. My other uncle was an Army Ranger, and now I have lots of friends that are military, and most of them have gone into the Army. So, while I grew up rooting for the Navy, I'm now having to switch my allegiance to the Army. But, I cheer where my heart is!

CONGRATS NAVY and 2009 is going to be Army's year!!!

The Real Paige Turner an Update

Now that the semester is winding down and I'm about to take my last 2 finals I can finally foresee some time to concentrate and work on my book! Wednesday and Thursday next week are going to be dedicated to nothing but working on the book.

For those of you on my newsletter list (it is addressed and just about ready to go, I just need to add stamps and actually mail on Monday) you will soon read a quick update, but those loyal blog readers that are not on my list (I'm sorry but I have to limit it to 40 for now...I'm in seminary after all! In January I'm going to try and post it here though) will have to wait.

My fervent hope is to have the book finished by my birthday (mid March). That is not all that long from now, especially considering everything else I hope to accomplish in that time: take 4 grad classes-complete 2 of them(they are online and 8 weeks long), send out my resume to LOTS of people, interview and hopefully secure a job, find an apartment in the city where my new job is, continue working with Angels n' Camouflage, lead a Bible study, and somewhere in there I need to sleep once in awhile! But, my goal is still to finish the book by mid March of 09.

So far I am through what many would consider the hardest section emotionally, but I don't actually agree. For me, the most emotional times come later, when God is teaching me just how much I have to forgive, and I realize just how much He has forgiven me. Those moments were some of my most emotional ever. To think that what I did to God is WORSE than what my rapists and attackers have done to me just floored me. But, you will have to pick up the book once it is published to read more!

Once I finish my book I will post a (copyright protected!) excerpt, and I pray that you will each want like 5 copies of the book!!!

The book is coming along, I am excited to have 2 days just to write next week, I have missed it these past weeks as I've had concentrate on the here and now activities of the end of the semester. As I work on the book and journey back through the last almost 7 years I'm so thankful to have made it through and to be able to say that "God is awesome" and that He really can pull us out of a despair that is so dark, a dark hole has more light! God can penetrate anywhere and bring light to the darkest soul, bring healing to the most broken person. I'm proof that God is at work every day, and my life is all because of Him.

So, that is the update! Have a great 2nd Sunday in advent y'all.

-Paige-

God Bless the US Military

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas! The songs are in the air, there is snow falling somewhere, the egg nog is in the fridge and the Salvation Army bell ringers are doing their thing! Whether you celebrate the religious meaning of Christmas, or it is just a time for peace and goodwill and gift giving there is one other aspect of Christmas that most people around the globe share and that is the familial aspect.

As I look toward Christmas and spend time with new friends on the East Coast, my family out here and then fly to my hometown for a hometown Christmas I can't help but think of all the military families that are making HUGE sacrifices right now.

There are so many soldiers that are either in war zones or stationed in places that have them separated from those they love this season. For every soldier there is a family and a group of friends that is going to be celebrating the holidays without their soldier at home.

The amazing about all this is that it is done WILLINGLY!!! None of these families were coerced by the government to be parted. The spouses, children, and parents would rather have their loved ones home, but they willingly said "good-bye". They do this because they understand the meaning and the cost of freedom.

Freedom and the American way of life is not just purchased in flag draped caskets, but in missed birthdays, anniversaries, Christmases; in the wife giving birth without her husband there to provide coaching. It is purchased in the military spouse packing up and moving the family halfway across the country while GI Joe or GI Jane is off fighting the bad guy. Our way of life is purchased in the lonely nights, the empty side of the bed, the gazillion of problems that the lone spouse must tackle alone, and then find a funny way to share it over a phone call or e-mail. Our freedom is purchased by Dad or Mom watching their kids grow up through webcams and pictures.

So, next time you get to hug your best friend, your sister/brother, Mom/Dad take a few moments to pause and be thankful that they are home and you are together. Families all across our country are willingly (though with tears) sacrificing time together so that you can be with yours and I can be with mine.

For all that our military FAMILIES do for us each I day I want to wish each of them a very merry Christmas and may 2009 find them reunited and more in love than ever before.

MAY GOD BLESS THE US MILITARY FAMILY!!! THANK YOU AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!

-PRT-

Things To Do When Awake at 2am

So, this morning (at 2am) I was wide awake (thus is my life) and it got me to thinking about things I can do at 2am, that do not bother my neighbors. Here is a partial list of some good things to do in the wee hours of the morning.

1. Pray- one of my favorite activities no matter what time it is

2. Read the Bible- another anytime activity

3. Read a book- I love to get lost in a good story

4. Dust- quiet, uses some energy and is pragmatic

5. Decorate for Christmas

6. Wash dishes- I've been known to wash clean dishes, just for the therapy of the activity.

7. Take a bath with a relaxing bubble bath like chamomile (sp?)

8. Get online and read blogs or send out e-mails- it is always nice to stay in touch with people. Email people you generally don't

9. Play with my cat- one of my favorite activities any time of day, she is such a sweetie pie. I love my Queens.

10. Work on the card catalog for my library- when else would I have time, but when I should be sleeping? And it needs to get done, so I can feel better about loaning out books.

11. Reorganize my closets and dresser- the repetitive nature of the activity can help woo the sandman.

And last but not least....

12. Journal- journaling and working on my book is something that I love to do and it is hard to find time during normal hours to get the work done that I want to.

IF this list does not inspire you in the wee hours, just e-mail me, because I have lots of practice being up at this time and I have MANY more suggestions!

IN CHRIST
( a sleepy, but in class) PRT

Thinking...but really I'm Procrastinating!

So I was just reading my last blog post and it got me to thinking (I should be working on an assignment that is due tomorrow at midnight...) about some things. How did the conversation in Heaven go, as God watched Adam and Eve sin?

"Look, We knew this would happen, but here it comes. With all the good food We have given them, they just couldn't resist. And they have NO idea the devastation they just put into motion. All for some measly piece of fruit. Not cool." (God the Dad)

"I know Father, I know. But, look down at them again. Don't you just bubble over with love for them and with a burning desire to rescue them from themselves?" Jesus

"I do love them, as much as I did yesterday. I just hate to see them throw all the good stuff away, for a piece of fruit, and that is worst tasting fruit in the garden too! I made sure of that."

" But now WE have a chance to show them just how much we love them, and the lengths to which WE will go to renew them and make them holy once again. I personally can't wait to crush Satan once and for all."

"All in due time JC, all in due time. These 2 will need some clothing, let Me go about doing that. But, You know what this means now. The human race has to have a perfect and holy sacrifice in order to be reconciled to ME. The sacrifice needs to be as perfect and holy as I am, anything less is just not good enough."

"As WE knew from the moment of creation, I'm going to have to be that sacrifice. And because I love each person in all of eternity I'll do it, willingly, but when I take on human flesh I'm going to need Your presence."

"I know Jesus, and I promise I'll be there, just as WE are always here for our beloved, confused creation. Look at them, trying to hide from us, and from each other. Thinking that WE can't see them, so ashamed. I do love them."

"Yes, OUR love for them is bottomless. They will never fathom it, but it is always there."

It probably didn't go quite like that, but as God watched from above HE must felt so much love and yet aggravation at the same time, as does any parent. More than anything, history and Christ have shown just how bottomless that love is. No matter what we humans do, and how many times we do it, God still loves us and is still there for us! As I think about Christmas and the true reason Christ came I'm just filled with gratitude and humility. To think that Jesus came as a baby only to die, and that He did it for ME- I don't deserve Heaven, I don't deserve God's love, but I get it all. Love is about giving what is undeserved. Isn't love just wonderful!!!

THANK YOU LORD!!!

WHY HE CAME

We have officially come upon my favorite time of the year. Advent. The time where we focus on the coming birth of Christ and all that it means for us. As much fun, and as important as it is to remember the babe in the manger there is something more important to remember this time of the year-the why. We need to remember why Jesus had to come as a baby.

In order for us to be reconciled to God there had to be a perfect, human blood sacrifice. This isn't because God is vengeful or crazy or something. It had to be this way because God is perfectly just, perfectly righteous and perfectly holy. In order to be reconciled to Him the sacrifice had to be just as perfect in every way. Jesus is the only one that fit the bill, because Jesus is 100% God and 100% man.

I was cruising through YouTube last night and I came across a song that seems to capture the true meaning of Christmas. I think it is from The Nativity Story (the movie of a couple of years ago).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyR0lwO-nXc

So, as we enjoy the goodwill, the "season's greetings", the cooler weather (I love wearing sweaters!), the lights, trees and candy canes, as we enjoy the anticipation of singing Happy Birthday to Jesus, let us also remember WHY HE CAME and remember to thank Him for His marvelous love, a love that is deeper than the universe.

HAPPY ADVENT!!!
-PRT/JLK-

Learning Patience

God is always trying to teach us stuff, and is always desiring that we improve ourselves and work to become more like Him. That should be our desire as well. Our biggest goal in life should be to reflect Christ better each day.

That is my goal in life, yet there are times when I feel like it be momentarily better to have things MY way, and to not have to learn the lessons God is teaching me. Some days I just don't want the hassle. Today is one of them. God is obviously trying to instill more patience in me, and I don't want to wait on the lesson! I want to be more patient NOW (somewhat ironic I know!).

I found out about this website: www.yearbookyourself.com and it is a pretty cool website. You upload a picture of yourself and then you can play with it and make it look like an old school (60's, 70's, 80's, 90's) yearbook photo. I thought that would be fun, and then I could use the photo as my profile pic on facebook and other sites.

Well, I started uploaded a picture to use 30 minutes ago and it still isn't uploaded yet. The photo is less than 3 mb, so I don't what the computer is finding so hard to do! It is taking forever, and of course I'm having a hard time walking away and using my time wisely as I wait.

I pray and ask God to help me become the woman that He wants me to be, and then He gives me chances like this, and I revert back to my old self, my old, impatient, want it now self. This is frustrating! I want to be better, do better, but I struggle. I wonder if this is similar to the struggles Paul talked about. Our spirits are willing, but our flesh is weak. We want to be better, we want to grow, but the old, immature nature rears its head and makes the struggle that much harder.

Patience...it is such a hard virtue for me to instill in myself. I try and I try to be more patient, but I run out before the situation resolves itself. But, I'm going to keep praying and asking God to help me develop my patience, even if the lessons are not so much fun. The best things in life come from the hardest, most painful circumstances (many times).

-JLK/PRT-

PS....it still isn't uploaded...so I'm going to go force myself to leave the room!

Desiring God and Family

Do you ever wonder sometimes what God is preparing you for? I do. I know the things that I want, and I am going after them. First of all I want to be an author. More specifically a published author. Anyone who writes is an author, it is just that only few become published. It doesn't even have to be how I make a living, but I have a story that needs to be told and I want it to be read, therefore I want to be a published author.

In order to accomplish this goal I am telling my story, first through this blog and also through the book I am writing, the memoir of my spiritual journey from rape victim to empowered Christian woman. I guess it isn't so much my spiritual journey as it is God's.

My story isn't mine, it is HIS. I'm only doing as well as I am because of Him. Some days I take a step forward, and other days I stumble back quite far. Yet, God is always there, helping me, lighting my path. His word is a lamp unto my feet and a light upon my path.

The other thing I want to be a wife and a mother. I have some ideas about that too, and I am going after them. I pray about this desire all the time. If you are a kid, and you want something you don't just tell your dad once, you tell him again and again. God is our Father, and while He never forgets, and He always understands, He wants to be treated as our Father (with love, respect and childlike faith that says if I ask 10 times I'm likely to get it than if I ask just once).

Yet, I also wonder what exactly is God preparing me for? What does my life hold for me? Why has He taken me along the path that I am on? If He does have a husband for me (I pray that He does, and I think I know who (and it isn't James Roday!) how are my choices and the path I am on preparing me to be the best wife and mother possible?

Part of the answer lies in my choices. Each choice I make effects my future and what God will allow in my life. Yet, there are some doors and windows that God just will not open for me. For example, I am pretty confident that God is not going to open doors to allow me to play professional basketball. I don't know what doors have closed because of choices I made to sin in lieu of doing the godly thing.

I also wonder, if God isn't going to open certain doors for me, than why does He allow me to peak in the windows and see how it could be? Or is it not God at all, and I'm just skulking up to the windows and trespassing, and looking into someone else's window?

God promises us that if we delight ourselves in Him, than He will give us the desires of our hearts. This happens in His time, and according to how we use our free will. I know that sometimes I get impatient. I want my desires on my time. Either that, or I just want to know that the thing (family) I desire most, outside of serving the Lord I love, will come to pass. Is it wrong to want that? I don't think so.

I think that an eagerness to do His will and to see the fruits of our labor is built into us, by our Creator. The eagerness is one of the motivators that keeps us going, even when we are shoulder deep in the gunk that is even too gross to hang with pond scum.

So, I'm going to keep on praying for the family I desire, and as I wait, I will work on becoming the woman that the Lord knows I can be. I can do this by reading my Scripture, praying, seeking godly counsel and joyfully serving the Lord that I love and delight in even more than I ever could a family.

You see, as wonderful as having a family will be, they let you down. They leave (whether by choice or for work), they say things that hurt you, they do things that annoy/frustrate/anger you. But we still love them, because we are also flawed humans. We love them because they are family that God has blessed us with, and even with all the heartache it is a blessing.

God does none of that. Sometimes (ok, most of the time) I don't immediately understand what is going on, and I certainly don't see it from His perspective, but He has never and will never let me down. He only and always has my best in mind. If we delight ourselves in God, He will grant us our desires, because our desires will be His desires for our lives. How awesomely wonderful is that!?!

-JLK/PRT-

NOT AGAIN!!!

If I were Verizon I would hate me!!! If you have read the Janet Evanovich books featuring Stephanie Plum than you know that she (Stephanie) has bad luck with cars. Well, I have the same luck with cell phones (my car is great!).

So today I was walking from a school building to my car. It was pouring down rain, so I had my jacket on, and my umbrella up (which didn't do much good, I was still soaked through). My phone was in my purse. My purse got soaked, as did my phone. I have wimpy phones. My phone died! Poor phone. Poor me, with no phone today!

When I got home I took it apart and wiped everything down, hoping to dry it out. Still didn't work, so I used my hair dryer. And still no dice! What is up with my phone luck??? What is God trying to teach me, that cell phones are evil??? It has been hours now, and my phone is officially dead. So sad!

So tomorrow (Sunday) I get to get in my little Blue Bullet and drive 41 miles west to Roanoke to visit my nearest Verizon dealer and make them (politely with charm but being firm) give me another replacement phone. This phone is basically new, it shouldn't have malfunctioned. It did get wet, but it was in my purse! I got wetter than my phone, and I am not broken!!!! ARGH!!!! It is a waste of a day. Tomorrow I should be focusing on doing homework, but it will take most of the afternoon to go to Roanoke and come back. So tonight I need to be a good girl and work on my paper. At least I had the foresight to throw together my project for Tuesday already.

I will keep you updated, but as off right now I'm phone less. Now I know I'm going to Raleigh on Thursday and I could wait till then, but I need to get ahold of some of those people before I just show up, and I need a phone to do that!

So, yes if I was Verizon I would just give me an unbreakable phone, something that would survive belonging to an active Seal team, because just maybe it might have a chance of surviving me!

BAH HUMBUG!!!!

-JLK/PRT-

SMOKE?...leads to NOISE!

There is some things that you just don't want to wake up to. The smoke alarm blaring at 112am is one of them! Trust me, I JUST did!

Since I'm blogging at 2am, obviously I'm fine, but Queens is still traumatized (the poor thing).

Tonight I lit some candles to add ambiance to my abode. This was around dinner time. By 8pm I had blown then out AND walked through my house 2x's just to make sure no rooms had any little flames. I was good. Then, right before bed I did one final check. Good to go. No candles in kitchen, powder room, library, den, bathroom, or bedroom.

Well, at precisely 112am I work up to a blaring smoke alarm going off! I had just fallen asleep not long before, and life was good. I had my cat curled up by me, a movie playing in the tv (it puts me to sleep, honestly) and I was heading to the land of Nod. Well, twas not to be a night of zzz's. The alarm was piercing (I guess that is its job). After all of like 2 seconds of the blaring I figure out what it is (my cat had already hightailed it off the bed). I see no smoke or fire as I glance from my bed. I walk to hall and see nothing, but a very slight haze that could have been smoke I guess, or it could have been me being exhausted and startled awake by the noise.

So, I walk to the den, and open up the windows (just in case). My house was chilly already (I refuse to use the heat yet, gotta save money and it isn't that chilly if I wear a sweatshirt and flannel pants) so it wasn't burning down. While the alarm is blaring I quickly do a visual check and make sure nothing is burning down. The electrical outlets weren't burning, and the one candle in the den was definitely out! So then I get a chair and head to the NOISE. It takes 17 LOOONNNNGGG minutes, but I get the alarm unplugged (don't tell the cops). Then I turn on the fan in my bathroom (no smoke or fire there, but I thought I'd turn it on just in case, of what I'm not sure, but I turned on the fan), and then I headed to my bedroom, where I checked and once again no fire, but I can smell a slight smoke scent in the air, so I open those windows. Though that could have been the candle that I blew out hours ago, it has a firewood scent. I then check downstairs and no smoke, no fire, nothing.

No, I don't know what caused the smoke alarm to go off because all things that cause fires and smoke to build up were NOT present in this house. Earlier in the evening I had candles burning, but the ones that died out on their own were doused before I tossed the remains of the wax, as I always do (wouldn't want my trash to catch and burn)and the other one was blown out and checked more than once.

So I'm fine. I tried to hook my alarm back up (like a good, law abiding seminarian) but it kept screaming, so I'll call the office in 6 hours when they open, let them know what went on, and have them come fix the alarm. But at least I know that it works, and it wakes me up (though I'm a light sleeper, so a MUCH quieter alarm would still wake me).

Who knows what went on here. I'm just going to list it under...another day, another interesting event in my life and try to go back to sleep. My house is fine, I'm fine (though I have a massive headache), my cat will be fine (eventually) and I'm going to need an extra blanket on my bed. I figure I might as well leave the windows open, since I don't know what the problem and in case there is any mustard gas, small pox or flying pink spotted octopus viruses in my house that caused it, they can leave!!!

Never a dull moment around here...not even at 115am!

-JLK/PRT-

117 Years Strong!

There are many things to celebrate and enjoy in November and December. Tomorrow the nation gets to honor our military vets and current service members! There is of course Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Dec. 7 (it is a day that shall live...) and Christmas. But, there is another big in the beginning of December that I look forward to every year.

This year the date is Dec. 6, 2008 at high noon. The event? The Army-Navy football game of course!!! What more could a football fan want than a rivalry that has been ongoing for 117 years? I always enjoy the event. I generally cheer for the Navy, but this year I have a conflict. I have many friends that are active duty in the Army! So my loyalties are conflicted. Do I cheer for my favorite branch of the military, or the branch that most of my friends have chosen to serve in (if they are military)? It would be blasphemy to cheer for the refs! After much debate on this issue I have decided that I have been a fan of the Navy for a long time, so why stop now? If my Army people are really my friends, than they will forgive me (though that forgiveness might take awhile when the Navy wins!).

The Army-Navy game is a time for all Americans to cheer for our military in a setting where politics are set aside and we just get to enjoy a great American sport. I've included a few key facts about this rivalry.

NAVY:
1) Started playing organized football in 1879

Army:
1) Canceled all sports in 1909 after the death of cadet E. Byrne in a game vs. Harvard

Misc.:
1) The War Dept. canceled the game in 1917 & 18 (WWI)
2) In 1928 & 1929 the games were canceled because the parties could not agree on some of the rules.
3)From 1894-1898 the game was not held due to an incident that involved a Rear Ad. & Brig. Gen. (they threatened to duel it out). The incident had to be dealt with by the Secy of War, and for 5 years the teams were not allowed to play each other!
4) In 1899 in order to reinstate the game the two schools agreed to play all future Army-Navy games in Philly, a neutral spot. Philly is still the site of the extravaganza more than 100 years later!
*It did not host the game in 2007
*This is officially the 81st Army-Navy game in Philly

As it stands today:
Navy: 52 Wins
Army: 49 Wins
Tie: 7

So, get yourself an appropriately colored shirt, or a flag to wave, grab some friends and some American football food and be ready, because it is coming!!!

December 6, 2008 at noon on CBS.


GO NAVY, BEAT ARMY!!!!

-JLK/PRT-

Yes Sir...

Ok, so I have a grudge. Not against a prof (I really enjoy what I am learning and I think that LBST has top notch professors, they are all great...REALLY) but against our system. It is a small microcosm that explains so much of how America works, inefficiently.

As a budding author, I think that it is VERY important to give credit where credit is due, to cite our sources, and show who was the author of the thoughts you compiled. I'm a big supporter of stricter penalties for plagiarism. If you took the thought from someone, tell us! Author's don't mind being quoted (in fact it is generally a good because it shows that someone read our work, and we like that, or we wouldn't publish!).

That said, WHY can't we have 1 method for citing sources and formatting papers? So far in my post-secondary career I have had to use: MLA, APA, Chicago, Turabian (yes those two have slight differences) and ACS. And within each of those the way you do things changes with the years, even since I started college in 2001.

The way I approach life I think that as long as the paper looks professional, it gives all the necessary information and I make sure to give credit every time credit is due, does it really matter how I do it. If I use parenthetical citations in my paper, does it matter if I put the author's last name, or the title of book? Because all the pertinent information will be included in Bibliography ( aka: works cited, reference, whatever) at the end!

It is just ludicrous to my mind! So when I become Queen this is going to be a pet project of mine- to standardize citations across the disciplines.

So for now I'm a stuck doing what the certain professors require, and I will do it and I will smile (maybe not totally deep down). I will do it, because I truly do like and respect my professors (and it is asinine to lose points on an argument I won't win. In this life we pick our battles and until I'm queen I will sound off on this, but not fight it to the death). Just pray that I can continue to keep the formats straight and remember which class requires which format.

Thank you! And feel free to sound off as well (on this or any other post).

-JLK/PRT-

Moving On

I am proud to admit that I voted for McCain and Palin when I sent in my absentee ballot. I know, you are all shocked by this revelation!!! Well, get over the shock! =-)

For all of us that consider ourselves at least somewhat conservative there is a lot to think about right now. How will we respond to the election of a man that is so far to left he makes Ted Kennedy look conservative? President-elect Obama is farther to the left than Nancy Pelosi! America wanted change, and apparently it is coming.

I consider myself a bit of centrist, but on the conservative side. I disagree with the GOP on many issues, including education (NCLB anyone) and the environment (I think we need to do more to protect the environment, while at the same time I say "drill baby, drill" & no those 2 are not mutually exclusive). But I also disagree with the idea of "sharing the wealth", gay marriage, and abortion.

I have been told that because I'm a Christian I have no experience with these issues, how can I say that women shouldn't be allowed to get rid of the fetus, in certain circumstances. I can say it, because I know what the Lord says, and that it is more than a fetus, it is a human life. And, yes I know there are some tragic cases. The one that is brought up the most is the issue of rape. What if a woman that gets raped finds herself pregnant, shouldn't abortion be allowed then?

I say NO! And I say this from 1st hand experience. I've been THAT woman, scared, alone (seemingly), raped and pregnant and not knowing what to do. Even then, even as I prayed that God would do something, I never considered going to an abortion clinic. Though I do consider myself pro-choice. Each parent has the choice to raise the child, or to let another family raise the child. That is the true, life honoring choice. It makes me made that the leftists care about the welfare of animals (creatures without a soul) than they do of other humans.

When I hear the term "share the wealth" I immediately think of socialism and Karl Mark. There is no way around it, this is a Marist ideal, and I'm pretty sure (as an astute history scholar) that Marxism is antithetical to capitalism and the ideals of our Founding Fathers.

We all the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, but no where in the Constitution does it say that I'm required to give what I have to the collective. That is what sharing the wealth is. It is taking from all, for all, for the collective. I understand that people fall on hard times, and that being without a job is not always the fault of the jobless. There are many instances where people try their darndest to get a job and they just can't secure any employment. That is when churches and other charities should step in, not the government.

With this bail out, the government has been given control of financial institutions, if we give them all this power to control our money, what will they want next? Even more control of our farms. Farmers already get paid for NOT growing certain things, and growing others. I can see a future where we have x number of corn farms, x number of wheat farms, x number of cotton farms, etc. The government telling people what they can and can't grow, and from there, then what? It is a slipper slope we walk, once we give in just a little. Where do you draw the line?

With all this going on, and grim scenarios possible, maybe not probable yet, but possible, what is a conservative Christian to do? How do we respond to the current events that we are living in? There is a simple answer, though putting it into action is anything but simple. We need to pray. PRAY for all the elected officials, from the local school board all the way to the White House and Congress. God is amazing and with HIM all things are possible. It is possible that President-elect Obama will be the greatest president since Lincoln, Jefferson, and Washington. It is possible that there will be revival in among our elected officials and among the citizenry. All is possible, but it begins with prayer.

Alongside of prayer comes action. The Bible requires faith and deeds, prayer and action. We need to stay abreast of what our officials are doing, know what votes are coming up, and let them know what you think: call, write, e-mail, go. How can we expect them to make the choice we would, if we don't inform (politely and with love) them what we believe? We also need to get involved! Serve on the PTA, City Council, etc. We can't wait for godly people to do it, we have to BE those godly people that are storming government!

But it all comes down to prayer. Ask God for wisdom, patience, knowledge, and His leading. Seek God's will for how HE wants you to respond, and then OBEY!!!

Dear Lord,
I ask You to please be with President-elect Obama, VP-elect Biden, and the rest of the elected and appointed officials that will be coming to Washington to begin their jobs soon. Give them wisdom to see the whole of what is going on in the world. Open their eyes to the true needs of our country, and guide them to make decisions that will honor You and bring glory to Your name and not their names. Be with our state and local officials as they make decisions that impact us as well.
I also pray that You would infuse within Your kingdom an group of us that will earnestly seek to DO Your will, to speak up and act and do all that is necessary to increase the kingdom. Nothing is more important that all the souls that need to come to know You. Help this Presidential term to be a time of great revival in our land, so that America can actually be the "Christian" nation that people think it is.
Thank You for Your unending love, provision, and guidance. Thank You for your gift of salvation and the knowledge that each of us Christians have, that one day we will be with You in a perfect kingdom.

In the name of Christ and His blood I humbly pray,

-JLK-

In Support of our Military!

As we creep closer to the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month (better known as Veteran's Day) I just want to say THANK YOU!!! To our current, and past military members, their families and friends. Freedom isn't free, and you willing give up important things so that the rest of us can enjoy all the liberties, rights and privileges of being Americans. As my way of saying Thank You I am including links to some great videos I found online. Each is less than 10 minutes long, most considerably shorter. Enjoy!

http://shock.military.com/Shock/videos.do?displayContent=174910&page=19
40 Pics to Make You Smile

http://shock.military.com/Shock/videos.do?displayContent=174906&page=19
I Am an American Solider
***This one comes with a graphic content warning

http://shock.military.com/Shock/videos.do?displayContent=176056&page=15
American Anthem by Norah Jones

http://shock.military.com/Shock/videos.do?displayContent=176802&page=11
Sand angels

http://shock.military.com/Shock/videos.do?displayContent=177606&page=3
Detonation 429 Tons

-I hope you take time to enjoy a couple of these, and maybe even browse through other videos on the site. And once again May God bless and protect our military as they serve us. THANK YOU!!!-

-JLK/PRT-

Thoughts to Ponder

“Christian Fundamentalism: The doctrine that there is an absolutely powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about my sex life” (Andrew Lias)

*** You can put any area of life in place of sex, and it is all true. This big God, the only God, loves each of us and is totally area of and interested in EVERY aspect of our lives, that is just amazingly wondrous to me!***
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“Christianity is the story of how the rightful King has landed, you might say in disguise, and is calling us all to take part in His great campaign of sabotage”(C.S.Lewis)

***We are called to sabotage the schemes of the Devil and to do all that we can to make sure that we are campaigning for Christ and point souls toward Him.***
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"... I pledge allegiance to the Christian flag and to the Savior, for whose Kingdom it stands, one Savior, crucified, risen, and coming again, with life and liberty for all who believe." (Dan Quayle)

***Our first allegiance, if we are to call ourselves true Christian Americans is not to America, but to Christ. For our home is not here in America, but in Heaven. We are just guests on this planet that has an expiration date.***
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Someone has said, "If we could get religion like a Baptist, experience it like a Methodist, be positive about it like a Disciple, be proud of it like an Episcopalian, pay for it like a Presbyterian, propagate it like an Adventist, and enjoy it like an Afro-American -- that would be some religion!" (attributed to H.E. Fosdick)

***No denomination is perfect, and I like this quote because it points out some of the strengths of each and how we could improve and be better, which should be a striving of all Christians.
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"Conversion for me was not a Damascus Road experience. I slowly moved into an intellectual acceptance of what my intuition had always known." (Madeleine L`Engle)

***We all come to know Christ in a little different way, the important point is not how we came to accept Christ, but that we accept and believe and live it out. It is also important that we do what Paul says and become all things to all people, so that all may come to believe.


-JLK/PRT-

I need to allow myself to experience what God is giving me.

I know this statement may sound funny but it expresses something that I have been holding myself back from doing. Maybe it is just what I am working on this semester, maybe it is everything that is going on in life, but lately I have been holding myself back from experiencing true, God given joy.

God WANTS me to be joy filled. God wants my life to be as blessed as possible. Regardless of what people like the Osteens may say, this does NOT mean that God necessarily wants me to be money rich. Money can be a curse or a blessing, but it isn't the only way that God can bless us. There are many, many more blessings in life, and some of them (nay, most of them) are worth far more than a bunch of greenbacks.

Women were created because God saw that Adam wasn't totally happy, totally filled with the joy that God desired him to experience. Adam was lonely, and then God created women. I'm created to bring joy to others. But I'm also created to experience joy for myself. God would rather I experience more moments of joy than pain. Joy is the natural state, pain, sorrow, depression, sadness, all those emotions are unnatural and are a result of sin (the ugly creature).

Yet, knowing this I still hold myself back. I do things that I hate, I sin, I fail to do things that I know I should do. I say things that I regret. I put myself and my perceived needs before worshiping my Savior. Everyday I do something that robs me of my joy, and it is seen as normal. I choose things, thoughts, whatever that keeps me from experiencing the joy that God is waiting to experience with me.

Why do I do this? Do I feel like I don't deserve this joy? That is part of it, but the truth is, I don't deserve this joy. I don't deserve it because I am a sinful human that is part of the reason Christ had to come down, suffer, and die. But I am (and all other humans) also why Christ left the grave 3 days later, so that I could experience the fullness of a relationship with Him. I don't deserve it, but He is offering it anyway. It is folly for me to do the things that rob myself of all that He is offering.

I need to work harder at being more obedient in my daily walk with my Savior. I also need to spend more time focusing on all the blessings in my life, because there are oh so many of them. If I focus more on all that Christ is, all that God is and that God does for me every moment, than I will have no excuse but to be so filled with joy, that it bubbles out of me.

There will still be rough patches in life, we live in a fallen world. But true joy is still there in the midst, because it sees beyond the temporary, beyond the dark clouds of this present world and all its pain, and onto the Throne, where the God of the universe sits, loving us.

-JLK/PRT-

Interesting Facts, Regardless of Your Party Affiliation

*** Sorry these last couple of posts have been lengthy, but I believe in putting out the facts as I verify them!***


In an election where "hysteria" rather than "knowledge" may decide the
vote,
I would encourage everyone to make an educated decision when voting.
Don't
further jeopardize this country by making your decision based on
rhetoric.
Understand who has actually made the decisions that have landed not only
the United States but also the world economy in crisis! Those decisions
are voted on and made by the Congress not the president. And who
controls
the congress? Educate yourself America ! Don't just listen to the
press
- make a decision based on facts!







A little over one year ago:

1) Consumer confidence stood at a 2 1/2 year high;

2) Regular gasoline sold for $2.19 a gallon;

3) The unemployment rate was 4.5%.

Since voting in a Democratic Congress in 2006 we have seen:

1) Consumer confidence plummet;

2) The cost of regular gasoline soar to over $4.10 a gallon;

3) Unemployment is up to 5% (a 10% increase);

4) American households have seen $2.3 trillion in equity value
evaporate
(stock and mutual fund losses);

5) Americans have seen their home equity drop by $1.2 trillion dollars;

6) 1% of American homes are in foreclosure.

7) Food prices skyrocketing over 30% in 1 year.



America voted for change in 2006, and we got it!



Remember, it is Congress that makes the laws and spends our money -not
the
President. He has to work with what's handed to him.



Part 2:

Taxes...Whether Democrat or a Republican you will find these statistics

enlightening and amazing.

www.taxfoundation.org/publications/show/151.HTML



Taxes under CLINTON-1999 &nb sp; Taxes under BUSH-2008

Single earning: Single
earning:


30K - taxed- $ 8,400 30K - taxed $

4,500

50K - taxed $ 14,000 50K - taxed $

12,500

75K - taxed $ 23,250 75K - taxed $

18,750

Married earning: Married
earning:
60K - taxed $ 16,800 60K - taxed $
9,000
75K - taxed $ 21,000 &nb sp; 75K - taxed
$
18,750

125K - taxed $ 38,750 125K - taxed $
31,250




Barack Obama promises to return to the higher tax rates if elected. It
is
amazing how many people who fall into the categories above think Bush
is
screwing them and Bill Clinton was the greatest President ever.



If elected, Barack Obama has already promised that he will repeal the
Bush
tax cuts, and amazingly, a good portion of the people who fall into the

categories above can't wait for it to happen.





PART 3:

You think the war in Iraq is costing us too much? Read this: Boy, am
I
confused. I have been hammered with the propaganda that it is the Iraq

war and the war on terror that is bankrupting us. I now find that to be

RIDICULOUS. Read on...



I hope the following 14 reasons are forwarded over and over again until

they are read so many times that the reader gets sick of reading them.
I
have included the URL's for verification of all the following facts.



1. $11 Billion to $22 billion is spent on welfare to illegal
aliens
each year by state governments.

Verify at: http://tinyurl.com/zob77

2. $2.2 Billion dollars a year is spent on food assistance
programs
such as food stamps, WIC, and free school lunches for illegal aliens.

Verify at: http://www.cis..org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html



3. $2.5 Billion dollars a year is spent on Medicaid for illegal

aliens.

Verify at: http://wwwcis..org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html

4. ; $12 Billion dollars a year is spent on primary and secondary

school education for children here illegally and they cannot speak a
word
of English!

Verify at:

http://transcripts.CNN.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.0.HTML

5. $17 Billion dollars a year is spent for education for the

American-born children of illegal aliens, known as anchor babies.

Verify at:

http://transcripts..cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

6. $3 Million Dollars a DAY is spent to incarcerate illegal aliens.

Verify at:
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html
7. 30% percent of all Federal Prison inmates are illegal aliens.

Verify at:

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

8. $90 Billion Dollars a year is spent on illegal aliens for Welfare &

social services by the American taxpayers.

Verify at: http://premium.cnn.com/TRANSCIPTS/0610/29/ldt.01.html

9. $200 Billion Dollars a year in suppressed American wages are caused
by
the illegal aliens.

Verify at:

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

10. The illegal aliens in the United States have a crime rate that's
two
and a half times that of white non-illegal aliens. In particular,
their
children, are going to make a huge additional crime problem in the US

Verify at:

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0606/12/ldt.01.html

11. During the year of 2005 there were 4 to 10 MILLION illegal aliens

that crossed our Southern Border also, as many as 19,500 illegal aliens

from Terrorist Countries. Millions of pounds of drugs, cocaine, meth,

heroin and

marijuana, crossed into the U. S from the Southern border.

Verify at: Homeland Security Report: http://tinyurl..com/t9sht

12. The National Policy Institute, 'estimated that the total cost of
mass
deportation would be between $206 and $230 billion or an average cost
of
between $41 and $46 billion annually over a five year period.'

Verify at:

http://www.nationalpolicyinstitute.org/pdf/deportation.pdf

13. In 2006 illegal aliens sent home $45 BILLION in remittances back
to
their countries of origin.

Verify at: http://www.rense.com/general75/niht.htm

14. 'The DaRk Side of Illegal Immigration: Nearly One Million Sex
Crimes
Committed by Illegal Immigrants In The United States .'

Verify at: http://www.drdsk.com/articleshtml

The total cost is a whopping $338.3 BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR.

A Message to the USA from a WW2 German

Hi! Bodie Thoene is a well know Christian author. One of the main characters in her most popular series is a young woman named Lori Kalner. I just learned that this young woman is based on a real person, how cool is that!?! Anyway, I am including what Ms. Kalner has to say about the upcoming election here in the US of A.

HYMN TO HITLER
Posted by: Lori Kalner on Wednesday, October 01, 2008

In Germany , when Hitler came to power, it was a time of terrible financial depression. Money was worth nothing. In Germany people lost homes and jobs, just like in the American Depression in the 1930s, which we have read about in Thoene's Shiloh books. In those days, in my homeland, Adolph Hitler was elected to power by promising 'Change.' He blamed the 'Zionists' around the world for all our problems. He told everyone it was greedy Zionist Bankers who had caused every problem we had. He promised when he was leader, the greedy Zionist bankers would be punished. The Zionists, he promised, would be wiped off the face of the earth. So Hitler was elected to power by only 1/3 the popular vote. A coalition of other political parties in parliament made him supreme leader. Then, when he was leader, he disgraced and expelled everyone in parliament who did not go along with him. Yes. Change came to my homeland as the new leader promised it would.

The teachers in German schools began to teach the children to sing songs in praise of Hitler. This was the beginning of the Hitler Youth movement. It began with praise of the Fuhrer's programs on the lips of innocent children. Hymns in praise of Hitler and his programs were being sung in the schoolrooms and in the play yard. Little girls and boys joined hands and sang these songs as they walked home from school.

My brother came home and told Papa what was happening at school. The political hymns of children proclaimed Change was coming to our homeland and the Fuhrer was a leader we could trust. I will never forget my father's face. Grief and fear. He knew that the best propaganda of the Nazis was song on the lips of little children. That evening before he said grace at the dinner table, he placed his hands upon the heads of my brothers and me and prayed the Living Word upon us from Jeremiah 1:4-5. 'Now the Word of the Lord came to me, saying, 'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to The nations.'

Soon the children's songs praising the Fuhrer were heard everywhere on the streets and over the radio. 'With our Fuhrer to lead us, we can do it! We can change the world!' Soon after that Papa, a pastor, was turned away from visiting elderly parishioners in hospitals. The people he had come to bring comfort of God's Word, were 'no longer there.' Where had they vanished to while under nationalized health care?
It became an open secret. The elderly and sick began to disappear from hospitals feet first as 'mercy killing' became the policy. Children with disabilities and those who had Down syndrome were euthanized. People whispered, 'Maybe it is better for them now. Put them out of misery. They are no longer suffering. And, of course, their death is better for the treasury of our nation. Our taxes no longer must be spent to care for such a burden.' And so murder was called mercy.

The government took over private business. Industry and health care were 'nationalized.' (NA-ZI means National Socialist Party) The businesses of all Jews were seized. (Perhaps you remember our story in Berlin on Krystalnacht in the book Munich Signature)
The world and God's word were turned upside down. Hitler promised the people economic Change?
Not change. It was, rather, Lucifer's very ancient Delusion leading to Destruction. What began with the propaganda of children singing a catchy tune ended in the deaths of millions of children. The reality of what came upon us is so horrible that you in this present generation cannot imagine it. Our suffering is too great to ever tell in a book or show in a black and white newsreel.
When I spoke to Bodie about some of these things, she wept and said she could not bear to write them. Perhaps one day she will, but I asked her, 'who could bear to read our suffering?' Yet with my last breaths I warn every Christian and Jew now in the name of the Lord, unless your course of the church in America is spiritually changed now, returning to the Lord, there are new horrors yet to come.
I trembled last night when I heard the voices of American children raised in song, praising the name of Obama, the charismatic fellow who claims he is the American Messiah. Yet I have heard what this man Obama says about abortion and the 'mercy killing' of tiny babies who are not wanted.
There are so few of us left to warn you. I have heard that there are 69 million Catholics in America and 70 million Evangelical Christians. Where are your voices? Where is your outrage? Where is passion and your vote? Do you vote based on an abortionist's empty promises and economics? Or do you vote according to the Bible? Thus says the Lord about every living child still in the womb.
'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you.'
I have experienced the signs of the politics of Death in my youth. I see them again now. Christians! Unless you stand up now, you will lose your freedom of religion. In America priests and preachers have already lost their freedom to speak openly from their pulpits of moral danger in political candidates. They cannot legally instruct you of which candidate holds fast to the precepts of scripture! American law forbids this freedom of speech to conservative pastors or they will lose their 'tax exempt' status. And yet I have heard the words of Obama's pastor Damning America! I have heard the words of Obama damning and mocking all of you in small towns because you 'Cling to your religion.' But I am a woman whose name is unknown. My life is recorded as a work of fiction. I have no fear of reprisal when I speak truth to you from the pages of a book. (Though the Zion Covenant books are mocked and condemned by the Left in America .)
I am an old woman and will soon go to be with my Lord. I have no fear for myself, but for all of you and for your children, I tremble. I tremble at the hymns to a political leaders which your children will sing at school. (Though even now a hymn or a prayer to God and our Lord Jesus is against the law in public school!)
Your vote must put a stop to what will come upon America if Barrack Obama is elected. I pray you will personally heed this warning for the sake of your children and your grandchildren. Do not be deceived. The Lord in Jeremiah 1:7-8 commands every believer to speak up!
'Do not say, 'I am only a youth,' for to all whom I send you, you shall go, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them for I am with you, declares the Lord!'
I am in Prayer for you, and for the Church! Spoken to you in the authority of Jesus the Christ, the Name Above All Names.
Lori Kalner

-JLK/PRT-

Things to do at Wal-Mart

Most of these I got from facebook, but I also came up with some on my own. Enjoy!

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares".... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"

17. Get dressed up in formal wear and ride trikes up and down the aisles.

Why I Love America

1. Our kids can go trick or treating and are more than likely going to be perfectly safe.

2. There is so much diversity (in the people, the scenery, the vibes of each city/town, etc) to enjoy and to help us learn and grow.

3. The Green Bay Packers!!!

4. NASCAR----Truex Jr. and Carl Edwards are super cute!!!!

5. We get to elect our leaders, and if they do a super terrible job, we as a nation can band together to "fire" them (get them thrown out of office).

6. Our military is all volunteer and each soldier, sailor, airman, frogman, ranger, etc. is a hero, and so are their families.

7. There are churches everywhere, and we are free to worship however we like. I can feel safe walking into my church and I know that while people may think what I believe is out of date, they are required to respect my choices.

8. We have a rich (though relatively short) history full of heroism and dedication to the idea of America and "the land of the free".

9. Many of our fellow citizens are friendly and care about each other.

10. I can go to the grocery store at 2am to buy a doughnut and then to McDonald's at 3am for french fries, and I can afford both luxuries.

11. Our educational system, while not perfect, has afford me so many opportunities in life and has expanded the paths that my life can take. If you put in the effort our system will turn you into an erudite adult.

And last (for now) but certainly not least...

12. If I didn't live here in America than I would not have the friends that I have, and I love each and every one of my friends!!!

Who Will be Invited to the White House???

So as I do more research and pray for our nation, and pray that our nation will elect a leader that will put America first and will make decisions that are in accordance to what Scripture says. He doesn't have to tote a Bible around with him to every meeting, but he needs to live an ethical life, and surrounded by people that will give him sage advice.

So who does Obama surround himself with? Who has he been friends with in the past decade?

it (a tape given to the LA Times) quoted Obama at Khalidi's going-away party, calling Khalidi his "friend and frequent dinner companion." At the time, Obama reminisced about dinners at the home of Khalidi and his wife Mona. Why is this important? Well, Mr. Khalidi served as a spokesman for the Palestine Liberation Organization when it was a U.S.-designated terror group.

We of course also know about Bill Ayers, the unrepentant terrorist, Jeremiah Wright (the radical preacher) and many others that are not the most ethical or even pro-America people in the world.

To be "fair and balanced" I will talk about the people that McCain pals around with as well. And then it is up to you to decide which person makes the best choice in their friendships/inner circle.

First of all, he is friends with some lobbyists (but then, you can't live in DC for many years and not know some lobbyists. Show me a Congressperson who doesn't have lobbyist friends). He does associate with John Hagee (who has made some supposedly anti-Catholic statements), the Falwell family and of course Charles Ketting.

Well now you know and it is up to you to decide which candidate makes the wiser choice of an inner circle. We all know that our friends and associates do effect what we think and do, that is just part of being human. So before you go to the voting booth on Tuesday make sure you take this into account, as well as where the candidates stand on the issues. Make sure you vote for the person/team that will put America first and that you believe will make choices that will improve our country and help us to move to a more prosperous and free way of life.

-JLK/PRT-

Leaving it at the Throne

I pray and I pray and I think that God is just super amazing. HE has to be, to be patient with me and my misguided ways. I give something to HIM, but then I take it back again. I can't seem to just leave my prayers at the throne. I want to have control, I want to fix things and be the one that makes them better. I know that sounds ludicrous, but that it is what I'm telling God every time I pick something back up that I left at HIS feet.

My goal this November is to be like the trees. The trees are shedding their leaves to prepare for a time of rest. I need to do that as well. I need to shed my fears, questions, worries, desires and give to God and not pick them back up. Just as I can't put leaves back on a tree, I shouldn't try to pick up my cares again. Autumn is a time of great beauty and a time for industry as we prepare for Winter and time of rest and the quiet of winter.

So my goals for November are as follows:
1. To make up my mind and stick with it
2. To gives my cares to God and leave them with HIM

In Christ,
JLK/PRT

I Want to Give it to God, but...

The Bible tells us to cast all our cares upon God, because HE cares about us. Each need, each praise, each fear, doubt, worry, all the heaviness and the joy are to be given to God. God is better able to deal with it than we are. God wants to take the pain from us, and make our lives easier. God loves us tremendously. We live in a fallen world, full of pain, sorry, fear, doubt, disease and God hates that. But this is how it is, because God graciously gave us free will and this is what we choose. It does not mean that HE isn't in control, quite to the contrary. It just means that HE is allowing us to reap the consequences of our decisions. And the consequences suck.

God invites us to give all our pain to HIM, yet how often do we really do that? How often do we totally surrender our pain, fear, sorrow, etc. to HIM? Is there a part of us, the fallen part, that relishes in the pain? Do we feel like it makes us more human? Or is it maybe a lack of faith, we don't give it to HIM because we don't believe that HE will deal with it, and will take care of us?

For whatever reasons we have, we tend to hang on to our pains. I know that I am not always as good as I'd like to be at totally surrendering to God. I love God, HE means everything to me, and I can't put into mere words just how amazing I find it that HE went to the cross for me, and that HE does so much for me every moment. Yet, even though I am totally grateful, I still don't always act upon that.

In times like this, when I'm dealing with something that completely sucks and is well, s**ty, I am not the best at giving it to God. I wish could. I wish I could save myself the pain and give it up. I really do. Yet, the spirit is willing and my flesh is weak. My sin nature wants to keep it. Use it as an excuse for other things. But that is wrong.

I'm a person of action, I like to do things to make this world better. While I admit that I do cry, I find that for me it isn't that productive. Because after the tears the situation is still the same. Crying may help some people, but they don't for me. That is not how I cope. I cope by doing, by praying, by helping others, by listening to others. Sometimes I cope by denial.

Denial is not the healthiest form of coping, eventually the truth comes out, trust me! Yet, in the short term it is necessary sometimes. So is compartmentalizing, not denying that events happened, but putting them away to be dealt with at a more feasible time. This is taught by the military, for many people going into combat situations.

Right now I guess I need to pray about things, because there isn't too much I can do. I know that prayer is a BIG thing, it is talking to GOD, yet the "helper" in me, the person that needs to be there with the people I love when they are struggling, wants to do more. I cope by focusing on what needs to be done and doing that. When I'm cut off from being able to do that, I feel adrift. So I need to pray and remind myself to anchor into God. I need to remind myself to give it to God, because HE is really the only one that can do anything about this anyway, so why not anchor into the solution?

-JLK/PRT-