Marriage: Christmas Time!

Merry Christmas to all my readers! I hope that y'all had a good one. I had a wonderful Christmas this year.

I grew up with an idyllic Christmas (and not because of the gifts). On Christmas Eve we would all gather in the afternoon at Grandma's house. We would eat a light supper, clean up and head over to church for the early candle light service. After, it would be dark and we would drive around town looking at the Christmas lights. Eventually we would find our way back to Grandma's house, where we could change into comfortable clothes, grab a bite to eat and then head into the living room.

In the living room we would open the few gifts from Mom's side of the family and then we would be the Christmas Gift Game (think a Chinese gift exchange meets White Elephant). After the game, all the wrapping paper would be left in the middle of the floor, we would visit, play and sometime around midnight everyone would head home.

Christmas morning was at our house. First there were stockings to open (we each got a couple things for the other stockings) and then we'd head upstairs to wait for the rest of the extended family to arrive. We would open gifts and have Christmas brunch. After brunch I'd read the Christmas account from Luke and we'd sing Happy Birthday to Jesus and blow out the candle on the pound cake, and eat again!

Christmas afternoon was spent outside and then we'd come in for a movie and naps. On Dec. 26th we'd head up to Bozeman, MT to do Christmas all over again with Dad's side of the family. It was great, because Christmas lasted for days in our family. It was an extended time to celebrate the Savior's birth.

This year I spent it with D's side of the family and I loved it. Christmas Eve was spent w/ his Mom and step-dad and the kids, Christmas dad at his bro's with their Dad and step-mom. It was a lot of fun to get to know my new family a lot better. To pray with them, to give gifts and to just be with my husband and new family.

I love family and I'm really enjoying the chance to get to know everyone out here. There is nothing like the holidays to bring out laughter, good cheer and family interaction.

Not to mention that I have a husband to spend mine with, and we have time to figure out what traditions we want our kids to grow up with. It is exciting! Do you want a long and drawn out celebration, or just a couple of days, but to pack them with family, friends and festivities? Now that I've experienced both I have to say that I loved Christmas growing up and those are some of my fondest memories. I also have LOVED this year and it has been just as merry and just as much a time to worship Christ.

So, if your Christmas was extended like mine was growing up, or if it is just as wonderful but shorter, I hope that it was wonderful! Merry Christmas to all, and to all a joyous end of 2010!!!

Marriage: What the Books Don't Tell Ya

I know that I am brand, spanking new to marriage but there is one truth that I have learned in my 19 days of married life. Counseling books can help, but you can't totally rely on them to guide your marriage.

I'm a counselor (by training, even if I'm not actually getting paid to do it at the moment) and I will admit that there is only so much you can learn from a book. Part of it is because the books are so redundant! They all say the same thing. Someone needs to write a book about marriage that covers what REALLY happens, and how to REALLY deal with it.

Take me for instance. I am a fairly normal newlywed, especially for my generation. I am in my late 20's, so I waited a short bit to get hitched. I am well educated (I have my Master's Degree and am working on a PhD) and I am a Christian.

This does not mean that I know everything about marriage- in fact I am learning that I don't know that much! The more I learn the more I realize I don't know much! One thing I am learning is that I am a bit schizo. I have these weird emotions going on right now, but from talking to friends that are newlywed, or remember those days, I know that I am not alone.

I am ecstatic to be married to D. I very much believe that he is the man for me. I believe that God brought us together for a reason, and that we are going to have a wonderful marriage. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE him, and I love him more everyday. That said, I've had a few nights where I just sat down and cried. BALLED my eyes out one night. The dog and cat thought I was CRAZY woman!

I'm MARRIED now. When I walked down the aisle, said my vows and had the marriage certificate sent to the county clerk, I made the 2nd most important decision of my life (the 1st was to accept Christ). That is major! It is a decision that impacts SO many people!

I don't want to be married to anyone else, and I do want to be married to D. Yet, the idea that I'm married now, I'm part of a couple. I have a family of my own, and we are free to start having children if we choose. It is HUGE. It is scary. I want to show D how much I love him, I want to be the perfect wife for him and I know I'll screw up (and probably a LOT). All of that, and other thoughts were going through my head, and I cried it out.

Books don't tell you that you will spend your first few months with bouts of tears, and your inadequacies and fears will be brought to the surface. Books don't tell you how to deal with them.

I'll let you in a secret- and I won't even charge you for this piece of advice/counsel! TALK to someone! YUP, that's the answer. TALK. I am lucky, one of my best friends married 4 months before I did, so we have each other to bounce things off of, and that is amazingly wonderful. I think it is good to find someone who is in the same stage of marriage. It helps (a LOT). Also, find someone who has been married for awhile, someone that you trust to give you the truth in love, who has been there, done that, and come out on the other side.

The books try to explain marriage, but till you get yourself knee deep in it, you will not realize just how much help you need, and that there are some surprises that married couples don't talk about, because we had to find out on our own- you do too!!! ;-)

The last things books can't express is just how WONDERFUL marriage is. I LOVE IT. I LOVE being married to D, to knowing that he will be around, there for me, that he loves me too. To get to go to bed, wake up with, and spend lots of time in between with my best friend. It is a beautiful thing indeed!

HAPPY FESTIVUS!!!

-JP-

Marriage: Day 18 (I think!)

There are a lot of really good parts of marriage. I will admit that on the top of the list is the sex, but we are going to leave it at that! There is something else I want to talk about tonight. This is after all a family friendly blog.

The camaraderie of marriage is amazing! It is wonderful to have someone that cares about each and every one of my hurts, fears, and needs. It is a wonderful feeling to know that my husband would do just about anything for me, if I really needed it. Knowing that my frustrations, annoyances and fears don't have to be dealt with on my own is comforting. It is also exciting and wonderful to be that someone for him- to let him know that he has a partner to help him deal with all of life.

I don't have to worry about the times that I can't really see God, because I have someone to help me, someone to remind me to trust HIM. The relationship that D and I are developing is an earthly example of the companionship and intimacy that God yearns for us to develop with HIM. I have a husband that loves me, and I have GOD that loves me more than D ever could.

I can be myself, because I know that even when I get angry, D will still be there and be willing to forgive and make me see the humor and see that just maybe I was wrong. I have a husband that can get angry and expect to have the humor pointed out to him in the end. Just as God probably chuckles at each of us (in a loving way) when we do something, and he thinks "Crazy people- calm down, it will all work out." D and I can chuckle at each other.

D and I can laugh together, sing together, "play" together, pray together, read Scripture together, relax together, cry together, get angry, tease, and just be together. It is amazing the amount of companionship there is in a marriage. Even having had a roomie in my apartment didn't really prepare me for the companionship in marriage. :-)

Marriage really is to be the mirror relationship of how we interact with God. The more I learn and grow in my marriage, the more I can learn and grow in Christ!

In case I haven't mentioned it... I LOVE YOU D!!!! MERRY ALMOST CHRISTMAS!

In Christ
-JP-

Marriage: Day 17

Today's blog is more about trying to figure things out, than it is about marriage. an alternative title for today's post: When You Can't See God

It is strange how life moves. A person can be in the midst of a time of great joy and still dealing with a feeling of failure. It is in these schizophrenic times when I find it hard to see God. This is when the evil one and his minions sneak up and me and say, "If God was in control He'd be able to work this out. You can't see God because He doesn't want to be seen, He doesn't care about you, etc." these are all lies, but it is so easy to just give into the blindness and the lies.

It seems so easy just to let myself sink into depression once more. It seems like I'll have one mountaintop experience and while I'm still trying to savor it, I'm plunged back into the valley. No matter how hard I like, how much I squint I can't look up and see God. It just doesn't seem fair. I'm trying to do things right, trying to figure out how to be a good Christian- how to show God I love Him. But, I think "Where are you, Lord? I've been praying and asking for the same thing for months now! Why haven't you done your part? I'm doing mine, and then some! Where is your provision? WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU NOT HELPING ME OUT HERE! I NEED YOU!"

As I write this, I'm beginning to realize something- I've been looking in the wrong place. I've been looking UP and I need to look beside me! God is right here. He isn't just floating around the sky, entertained by how we fumble around. He is right here, offering to hold my hand. He is waiting for me to crawl into His lap and cry out all my frustrations, fears, worries and overwhelming moments. He is behind me, before me, below me, and beside me.

He has given me an amazing husband, a warm house, good friends, a wonderful church family, food and He is working to help my faith and trust grow. Yes, I can still wonder why I didn't get the job I wanted (and was very qualified for), why I haven't found ANY decent jobs (you'd think that even in this economy a Master's Degree+ would open SOME doors, but actually it is the key that is locking a lot of them)!

Even though I'm frustrated, confused, annoyed and angry I'm still going to believe that God is in control, that Jer. 29.11 is correct "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to give you an expected future and hope." All I can do is to continue to pound the pavement, follow up on every lead, prepare for interviews and do my best.

The rest is up to God, and I know that if I keep my hand in His, He will protect me, and He will watch over my husband and use this time of no money and frustration to just cement our relationship so that when even worse storms hit, we are dug in and can weather them.

Most of all, I'm going to not give into the feelings and I'm going to enjoy this week and really focus on celebrating Christ and wishing Him a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, and I'm going to enjoy doing all that with my husband!

-JP-

Marriage: Day 16

It is interesting to note how quickly time goes once you get married! I can't believe that it has already be half a month since D and I got married! In many ways it seems like just yesterday I was counting down the days till I became a Mrs. and now, it has been 16 wonderful days of marriage.

One of our wedding gifts was a Couples Bible and I just love it! It is the Bible we use as we are reading through Psalms. It is also the Bible I am using for my personal devotional time, and that is what I want to talk about tonight.

It is very important to remember that even though you and your spouse are reading the Bible together, you still need to take time to have a personal devotional and prayer time. Nothing replaces 1 on 1 time with Jesus. Jesus is not just lord of the marriage, but He needs to be lord of your life as well- EVERY aspect of it. This is a lot easier said than done!

Yes, it is fairly easy to get up and go to church on Sunday, and yes it isn't that hard to read a couple of chapters a night in the Bible, but that is not enough. Jesus needs to be Lord of All. He already is, so we just need to recognize that, and give Him his due.

In this economy it can be hard sometimes to tithe. You see that money going into the offering plate and you think "that could buy a lot of groceries, or it could get shoes and sweaters for the kids- they are growing. Or, my car REALLY needs gas and it is making a clunking sound." Regardless, we still need to tithe.

God knows our hearts. He knows if we are tithing because it is expected, for show, or if it really is because we love and trust Him. All we can see is the temporary, the NOW, but God can see ALL time at once, and He knows how the money will be used, and He knows how He is going to provide for our needs and family's needs.

God wants to protect and lavish us. He wants to give us the world (why not, He's already given us eternity!), but He holds back. If He gives a little and we squander that, He isn't going to trust us w/ a lot. He will always provide for our needs though. It may not be in the most expected or hoped for way, but we will be taken care of.

That is what I'm learning right now in my personal Jesus time. I'm learning to trust God, and as I trust Him for things in my personal life, I see just how it affects our marriage, and how much fuller our marriage is because I'm trusting God. A personal relationship with Jesus is how I am able to build a fence to the line the path, so that we don't stray. :-)

Do your marriage a favor and make sure that you are taking time to study and pray as a couple (and a family if you have kids) and as an individual. I know times are busy, but the busier things get the MORE important it is to make sure you are giving God enough time, love, worship, attention, praise, glory, etc. HE deserves everything, so why not give just a little?

-JP-

Marriage: Day 13

When you have found your "Forever Love" it is a very special thing indeed, and you need to hold onto him/her with all your strength. In this day and age when a marriage is more likely to end in divorce than a natural death, it is very important to work at the relationship. It is also important to remind yourself of just how special the relationship is.

I have found my "Forever Love" and I feel so blessed. I can't believe that God gave me such a wonderful man to be my: best friend, cheerleader, encourager, leader, and yes my lover too. D is an answer to 20+ years of praying, dreaming, hoping and wondering.

There are times when I'm so in love and weirded out that I just want to cry happy tears. I say weirded out because there are times when it feels weird to be married and I feel like I'm in a dream (a very good dream) and I KNOW that I don't deserve this much joy.

I'm just me! I screw up all the time! I'm a pathetic sinner that deserves to be thrown in a pit, and yet I'm treated like a princess! Not only do I have a husband that lavishes me with his love, but EVEN BETTER I have a God that has declared me "Not Guilty" and given me eternity in Heaven to reign as one of HIS children.

I can't believe how blessed I am. Yet my head is not totally in the clouds. I still have the day to day stress of life on earth to deal with. I'm STILL job hunting, and getting rather frustrated with my lack of being able to secure a decent job. We are making enough money to get by, but we are doing just that- getting by. I have my RA to deal with, and my nightmares that I never know when they are going to show up. I have friends and family, and that comes with ups and downs- when they are struggling, so am I. So, yes I'm living in the real world and not just the land of "Newlywed Bliss".

The bottom line is that I have my mate beside me and that is cause for great joy. I'm no longer on a 1 person journey. Not that I ever was just me. I've always had my parents and more importantly I've had Jesus. But, it is different when you've found your spouse.

A spouse is God's gift. He/She is the special someone that God gives us to really show us how not alone we are. I love it!

Thank You Jesus for D. Help us to stay focused on You. Help us to use the daily ups and downs, the mountain tops and the dark valleys to grow closer to each other and to further cement our lives in You. Amen."

-JP-

Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays & Marriage Thoughts

Right now we are in the midst of the holiday season. There is a lot of talk among Americans about what to say to people as a greeting. Some Christians get offended when you say "Happy Holidays" in lieu of "Merry Christmas" and I don't understand.

When I think of this season I think of all the holidays: Thanksgiving, my anniversary, Advent, Christmas and New Years. That is a lot of holidays and I didn't include Hanukkah! Which, even though I'm not Jewish I could celebrate, because my Savior is Jewish. So, why I can't I wish that people enjoy all the holidays? I plan to enjoy them.

Now, I know part of the complaint is that Christmas is becoming more and more secular- Frosty is taking over when the focus should be Jesus. People want the world to remember to keep the focus on CHRIST, therefore the wish for a Merry CHRISTmas. Yet, in lieu of getting offended, look at ALL that we have to celebrate and focus on praying that more people see the truth this season. Don't get offended, get ACTIVATED to do something.

Speaking of Christmas, this is my first Christmas as a married woman! I'm really excited. It will be different for me, because I'll be celebrating the holidays with his family and not mine. But his family IS MY family now, so I will be with people I love. I can't forget that in this age I am only a phone call away from my biological family. While it isn't the same, it is going to be a GREAT Christmas because I am going to choose to keep the focus on Christ and being with my beloved.

I am learning that marriage is a lot of change. We both have to be willing to change and start new traditions. We may have to give up what we knew as kids, but what we gain is a beginning of OUR traditions, and OUR Christmas. Change in marriage doesn't just stop at Christmas. There is a lot of change to adjust to.

There is a change in when we eat- I like to have dinner with my husband, so I have to be willing to eat when he is ready. When I go grocery shopping I buy things that he likes, and not just what I like. It is an adjustment in thinking. I'm not thinking of just me and providing for myself like I did as a single adult. I have this whole other person. That is really exciting, but also a change. A great change, but a change nonetheless.

Have a blessed Monday!

-JP-

Marriage: Day 6

Tomorrow will mark the end of the first week of my marriage and what an interesting week it has been! D and I chose to take a stay at home honeymoon and I'm really glad that we did. It is non-traditional, but it has been relaxing.

Having the time at home gave us an opportunity to go through wedding presents and organize the home. We had guests (my family and friends) the week before the wedding, so when we returned from our wedding night (at an undisclosed location) we were able to start to clean, organize, but also to just relax and enjoy being together.

Marriage is an interesting journey- and i have made ours a little more eventful by coming down with a yucky cold Wednesday night! It is not the worst cold I have ever had, but it does have me pretty darn exhausted and I just feel like I want to scream because my sinuses hurt so much, and the meds dry them out too much. But you know, being sick is not as bad as it could be, because I'm still floating on newly wed bliss!

I remember that for the past 20 years (since I was about 7) I've been praying for a husband and a family of my own, and God provided me with the perfect mate! Now, I get to figure out how to navigate the married world. I am already learning about compromise and putting my husband's needs and wants ahead of my own.

Married people talk about compromise all the time, like it is something hard. Now, maybe it is because I'm still in the honeymoon phase, but I don't think it is that hard. I love D more than I love any other person, so why wouldn't I want to lavish him with all that I can?

Another thing I'm learning is that my time is not necessarily just my time. I have this wonderful man that I live with, and I have to factor him in. I need to make sure that if I go off and delve into a book in the evening he is ok with that.

Those are 2 of the lessons I'm learning. More lessons to come as D and I continue this wonderful journey.

-JP-

Marriage: Day 3

On Saturday I tied the knot and went from being a Miss or a Ms to being a Mrs. It is a big step and something that I have prayed for for as long as I can remember. I used to wonder why God was being so slow. I knew that marriage was (is) God ordained, so why wasn't God giving me what I yearned for?

Now I know that He wasn't being slow, he was just preparing me and preparing my husband. The timing had to be right---we both had to be free from other significant others and we had to be ready for marriage. The wait, the tears, the frustration, it was all worth it.

I found the man that God had His eye on for me, and I could not be happier, or more at peace. God gave me a man that loves me, that makes me laugh, that makes me feel safe, that I want to spoil, that I love more and more every day. My husband is a man that just by being who he is, he makes me want to grow more in Christ.

Yes, we do want kids, but we want to wait. Marriage is hard enough- it is the blending of two lives. Two people that are used to being single, and we need to adjust to each other before we are ready for kids (3 of them by the way!).

It has only been 3 days since our wedding, but it has been 3 of the most wonderful days of my 27 years. I plan to enjoy each day as it comes, but I'm looking forward to this journey and all the days that God gives me with my husband.

Marriage- what a trip!!!

-the new Mrs!-