Marriage: Christmas Time!

Merry Christmas to all my readers! I hope that y'all had a good one. I had a wonderful Christmas this year.

I grew up with an idyllic Christmas (and not because of the gifts). On Christmas Eve we would all gather in the afternoon at Grandma's house. We would eat a light supper, clean up and head over to church for the early candle light service. After, it would be dark and we would drive around town looking at the Christmas lights. Eventually we would find our way back to Grandma's house, where we could change into comfortable clothes, grab a bite to eat and then head into the living room.

In the living room we would open the few gifts from Mom's side of the family and then we would be the Christmas Gift Game (think a Chinese gift exchange meets White Elephant). After the game, all the wrapping paper would be left in the middle of the floor, we would visit, play and sometime around midnight everyone would head home.

Christmas morning was at our house. First there were stockings to open (we each got a couple things for the other stockings) and then we'd head upstairs to wait for the rest of the extended family to arrive. We would open gifts and have Christmas brunch. After brunch I'd read the Christmas account from Luke and we'd sing Happy Birthday to Jesus and blow out the candle on the pound cake, and eat again!

Christmas afternoon was spent outside and then we'd come in for a movie and naps. On Dec. 26th we'd head up to Bozeman, MT to do Christmas all over again with Dad's side of the family. It was great, because Christmas lasted for days in our family. It was an extended time to celebrate the Savior's birth.

This year I spent it with D's side of the family and I loved it. Christmas Eve was spent w/ his Mom and step-dad and the kids, Christmas dad at his bro's with their Dad and step-mom. It was a lot of fun to get to know my new family a lot better. To pray with them, to give gifts and to just be with my husband and new family.

I love family and I'm really enjoying the chance to get to know everyone out here. There is nothing like the holidays to bring out laughter, good cheer and family interaction.

Not to mention that I have a husband to spend mine with, and we have time to figure out what traditions we want our kids to grow up with. It is exciting! Do you want a long and drawn out celebration, or just a couple of days, but to pack them with family, friends and festivities? Now that I've experienced both I have to say that I loved Christmas growing up and those are some of my fondest memories. I also have LOVED this year and it has been just as merry and just as much a time to worship Christ.

So, if your Christmas was extended like mine was growing up, or if it is just as wonderful but shorter, I hope that it was wonderful! Merry Christmas to all, and to all a joyous end of 2010!!!

Marriage: What the Books Don't Tell Ya

I know that I am brand, spanking new to marriage but there is one truth that I have learned in my 19 days of married life. Counseling books can help, but you can't totally rely on them to guide your marriage.

I'm a counselor (by training, even if I'm not actually getting paid to do it at the moment) and I will admit that there is only so much you can learn from a book. Part of it is because the books are so redundant! They all say the same thing. Someone needs to write a book about marriage that covers what REALLY happens, and how to REALLY deal with it.

Take me for instance. I am a fairly normal newlywed, especially for my generation. I am in my late 20's, so I waited a short bit to get hitched. I am well educated (I have my Master's Degree and am working on a PhD) and I am a Christian.

This does not mean that I know everything about marriage- in fact I am learning that I don't know that much! The more I learn the more I realize I don't know much! One thing I am learning is that I am a bit schizo. I have these weird emotions going on right now, but from talking to friends that are newlywed, or remember those days, I know that I am not alone.

I am ecstatic to be married to D. I very much believe that he is the man for me. I believe that God brought us together for a reason, and that we are going to have a wonderful marriage. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE him, and I love him more everyday. That said, I've had a few nights where I just sat down and cried. BALLED my eyes out one night. The dog and cat thought I was CRAZY woman!

I'm MARRIED now. When I walked down the aisle, said my vows and had the marriage certificate sent to the county clerk, I made the 2nd most important decision of my life (the 1st was to accept Christ). That is major! It is a decision that impacts SO many people!

I don't want to be married to anyone else, and I do want to be married to D. Yet, the idea that I'm married now, I'm part of a couple. I have a family of my own, and we are free to start having children if we choose. It is HUGE. It is scary. I want to show D how much I love him, I want to be the perfect wife for him and I know I'll screw up (and probably a LOT). All of that, and other thoughts were going through my head, and I cried it out.

Books don't tell you that you will spend your first few months with bouts of tears, and your inadequacies and fears will be brought to the surface. Books don't tell you how to deal with them.

I'll let you in a secret- and I won't even charge you for this piece of advice/counsel! TALK to someone! YUP, that's the answer. TALK. I am lucky, one of my best friends married 4 months before I did, so we have each other to bounce things off of, and that is amazingly wonderful. I think it is good to find someone who is in the same stage of marriage. It helps (a LOT). Also, find someone who has been married for awhile, someone that you trust to give you the truth in love, who has been there, done that, and come out on the other side.

The books try to explain marriage, but till you get yourself knee deep in it, you will not realize just how much help you need, and that there are some surprises that married couples don't talk about, because we had to find out on our own- you do too!!! ;-)

The last things books can't express is just how WONDERFUL marriage is. I LOVE IT. I LOVE being married to D, to knowing that he will be around, there for me, that he loves me too. To get to go to bed, wake up with, and spend lots of time in between with my best friend. It is a beautiful thing indeed!

HAPPY FESTIVUS!!!

-JP-

Marriage: Day 18 (I think!)

There are a lot of really good parts of marriage. I will admit that on the top of the list is the sex, but we are going to leave it at that! There is something else I want to talk about tonight. This is after all a family friendly blog.

The camaraderie of marriage is amazing! It is wonderful to have someone that cares about each and every one of my hurts, fears, and needs. It is a wonderful feeling to know that my husband would do just about anything for me, if I really needed it. Knowing that my frustrations, annoyances and fears don't have to be dealt with on my own is comforting. It is also exciting and wonderful to be that someone for him- to let him know that he has a partner to help him deal with all of life.

I don't have to worry about the times that I can't really see God, because I have someone to help me, someone to remind me to trust HIM. The relationship that D and I are developing is an earthly example of the companionship and intimacy that God yearns for us to develop with HIM. I have a husband that loves me, and I have GOD that loves me more than D ever could.

I can be myself, because I know that even when I get angry, D will still be there and be willing to forgive and make me see the humor and see that just maybe I was wrong. I have a husband that can get angry and expect to have the humor pointed out to him in the end. Just as God probably chuckles at each of us (in a loving way) when we do something, and he thinks "Crazy people- calm down, it will all work out." D and I can chuckle at each other.

D and I can laugh together, sing together, "play" together, pray together, read Scripture together, relax together, cry together, get angry, tease, and just be together. It is amazing the amount of companionship there is in a marriage. Even having had a roomie in my apartment didn't really prepare me for the companionship in marriage. :-)

Marriage really is to be the mirror relationship of how we interact with God. The more I learn and grow in my marriage, the more I can learn and grow in Christ!

In case I haven't mentioned it... I LOVE YOU D!!!! MERRY ALMOST CHRISTMAS!

In Christ
-JP-

Marriage: Day 17

Today's blog is more about trying to figure things out, than it is about marriage. an alternative title for today's post: When You Can't See God

It is strange how life moves. A person can be in the midst of a time of great joy and still dealing with a feeling of failure. It is in these schizophrenic times when I find it hard to see God. This is when the evil one and his minions sneak up and me and say, "If God was in control He'd be able to work this out. You can't see God because He doesn't want to be seen, He doesn't care about you, etc." these are all lies, but it is so easy to just give into the blindness and the lies.

It seems so easy just to let myself sink into depression once more. It seems like I'll have one mountaintop experience and while I'm still trying to savor it, I'm plunged back into the valley. No matter how hard I like, how much I squint I can't look up and see God. It just doesn't seem fair. I'm trying to do things right, trying to figure out how to be a good Christian- how to show God I love Him. But, I think "Where are you, Lord? I've been praying and asking for the same thing for months now! Why haven't you done your part? I'm doing mine, and then some! Where is your provision? WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU NOT HELPING ME OUT HERE! I NEED YOU!"

As I write this, I'm beginning to realize something- I've been looking in the wrong place. I've been looking UP and I need to look beside me! God is right here. He isn't just floating around the sky, entertained by how we fumble around. He is right here, offering to hold my hand. He is waiting for me to crawl into His lap and cry out all my frustrations, fears, worries and overwhelming moments. He is behind me, before me, below me, and beside me.

He has given me an amazing husband, a warm house, good friends, a wonderful church family, food and He is working to help my faith and trust grow. Yes, I can still wonder why I didn't get the job I wanted (and was very qualified for), why I haven't found ANY decent jobs (you'd think that even in this economy a Master's Degree+ would open SOME doors, but actually it is the key that is locking a lot of them)!

Even though I'm frustrated, confused, annoyed and angry I'm still going to believe that God is in control, that Jer. 29.11 is correct "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to give you an expected future and hope." All I can do is to continue to pound the pavement, follow up on every lead, prepare for interviews and do my best.

The rest is up to God, and I know that if I keep my hand in His, He will protect me, and He will watch over my husband and use this time of no money and frustration to just cement our relationship so that when even worse storms hit, we are dug in and can weather them.

Most of all, I'm going to not give into the feelings and I'm going to enjoy this week and really focus on celebrating Christ and wishing Him a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, and I'm going to enjoy doing all that with my husband!

-JP-

Marriage: Day 16

It is interesting to note how quickly time goes once you get married! I can't believe that it has already be half a month since D and I got married! In many ways it seems like just yesterday I was counting down the days till I became a Mrs. and now, it has been 16 wonderful days of marriage.

One of our wedding gifts was a Couples Bible and I just love it! It is the Bible we use as we are reading through Psalms. It is also the Bible I am using for my personal devotional time, and that is what I want to talk about tonight.

It is very important to remember that even though you and your spouse are reading the Bible together, you still need to take time to have a personal devotional and prayer time. Nothing replaces 1 on 1 time with Jesus. Jesus is not just lord of the marriage, but He needs to be lord of your life as well- EVERY aspect of it. This is a lot easier said than done!

Yes, it is fairly easy to get up and go to church on Sunday, and yes it isn't that hard to read a couple of chapters a night in the Bible, but that is not enough. Jesus needs to be Lord of All. He already is, so we just need to recognize that, and give Him his due.

In this economy it can be hard sometimes to tithe. You see that money going into the offering plate and you think "that could buy a lot of groceries, or it could get shoes and sweaters for the kids- they are growing. Or, my car REALLY needs gas and it is making a clunking sound." Regardless, we still need to tithe.

God knows our hearts. He knows if we are tithing because it is expected, for show, or if it really is because we love and trust Him. All we can see is the temporary, the NOW, but God can see ALL time at once, and He knows how the money will be used, and He knows how He is going to provide for our needs and family's needs.

God wants to protect and lavish us. He wants to give us the world (why not, He's already given us eternity!), but He holds back. If He gives a little and we squander that, He isn't going to trust us w/ a lot. He will always provide for our needs though. It may not be in the most expected or hoped for way, but we will be taken care of.

That is what I'm learning right now in my personal Jesus time. I'm learning to trust God, and as I trust Him for things in my personal life, I see just how it affects our marriage, and how much fuller our marriage is because I'm trusting God. A personal relationship with Jesus is how I am able to build a fence to the line the path, so that we don't stray. :-)

Do your marriage a favor and make sure that you are taking time to study and pray as a couple (and a family if you have kids) and as an individual. I know times are busy, but the busier things get the MORE important it is to make sure you are giving God enough time, love, worship, attention, praise, glory, etc. HE deserves everything, so why not give just a little?

-JP-

Marriage: Day 13

When you have found your "Forever Love" it is a very special thing indeed, and you need to hold onto him/her with all your strength. In this day and age when a marriage is more likely to end in divorce than a natural death, it is very important to work at the relationship. It is also important to remind yourself of just how special the relationship is.

I have found my "Forever Love" and I feel so blessed. I can't believe that God gave me such a wonderful man to be my: best friend, cheerleader, encourager, leader, and yes my lover too. D is an answer to 20+ years of praying, dreaming, hoping and wondering.

There are times when I'm so in love and weirded out that I just want to cry happy tears. I say weirded out because there are times when it feels weird to be married and I feel like I'm in a dream (a very good dream) and I KNOW that I don't deserve this much joy.

I'm just me! I screw up all the time! I'm a pathetic sinner that deserves to be thrown in a pit, and yet I'm treated like a princess! Not only do I have a husband that lavishes me with his love, but EVEN BETTER I have a God that has declared me "Not Guilty" and given me eternity in Heaven to reign as one of HIS children.

I can't believe how blessed I am. Yet my head is not totally in the clouds. I still have the day to day stress of life on earth to deal with. I'm STILL job hunting, and getting rather frustrated with my lack of being able to secure a decent job. We are making enough money to get by, but we are doing just that- getting by. I have my RA to deal with, and my nightmares that I never know when they are going to show up. I have friends and family, and that comes with ups and downs- when they are struggling, so am I. So, yes I'm living in the real world and not just the land of "Newlywed Bliss".

The bottom line is that I have my mate beside me and that is cause for great joy. I'm no longer on a 1 person journey. Not that I ever was just me. I've always had my parents and more importantly I've had Jesus. But, it is different when you've found your spouse.

A spouse is God's gift. He/She is the special someone that God gives us to really show us how not alone we are. I love it!

Thank You Jesus for D. Help us to stay focused on You. Help us to use the daily ups and downs, the mountain tops and the dark valleys to grow closer to each other and to further cement our lives in You. Amen."

-JP-

Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays & Marriage Thoughts

Right now we are in the midst of the holiday season. There is a lot of talk among Americans about what to say to people as a greeting. Some Christians get offended when you say "Happy Holidays" in lieu of "Merry Christmas" and I don't understand.

When I think of this season I think of all the holidays: Thanksgiving, my anniversary, Advent, Christmas and New Years. That is a lot of holidays and I didn't include Hanukkah! Which, even though I'm not Jewish I could celebrate, because my Savior is Jewish. So, why I can't I wish that people enjoy all the holidays? I plan to enjoy them.

Now, I know part of the complaint is that Christmas is becoming more and more secular- Frosty is taking over when the focus should be Jesus. People want the world to remember to keep the focus on CHRIST, therefore the wish for a Merry CHRISTmas. Yet, in lieu of getting offended, look at ALL that we have to celebrate and focus on praying that more people see the truth this season. Don't get offended, get ACTIVATED to do something.

Speaking of Christmas, this is my first Christmas as a married woman! I'm really excited. It will be different for me, because I'll be celebrating the holidays with his family and not mine. But his family IS MY family now, so I will be with people I love. I can't forget that in this age I am only a phone call away from my biological family. While it isn't the same, it is going to be a GREAT Christmas because I am going to choose to keep the focus on Christ and being with my beloved.

I am learning that marriage is a lot of change. We both have to be willing to change and start new traditions. We may have to give up what we knew as kids, but what we gain is a beginning of OUR traditions, and OUR Christmas. Change in marriage doesn't just stop at Christmas. There is a lot of change to adjust to.

There is a change in when we eat- I like to have dinner with my husband, so I have to be willing to eat when he is ready. When I go grocery shopping I buy things that he likes, and not just what I like. It is an adjustment in thinking. I'm not thinking of just me and providing for myself like I did as a single adult. I have this whole other person. That is really exciting, but also a change. A great change, but a change nonetheless.

Have a blessed Monday!

-JP-

Marriage: Day 6

Tomorrow will mark the end of the first week of my marriage and what an interesting week it has been! D and I chose to take a stay at home honeymoon and I'm really glad that we did. It is non-traditional, but it has been relaxing.

Having the time at home gave us an opportunity to go through wedding presents and organize the home. We had guests (my family and friends) the week before the wedding, so when we returned from our wedding night (at an undisclosed location) we were able to start to clean, organize, but also to just relax and enjoy being together.

Marriage is an interesting journey- and i have made ours a little more eventful by coming down with a yucky cold Wednesday night! It is not the worst cold I have ever had, but it does have me pretty darn exhausted and I just feel like I want to scream because my sinuses hurt so much, and the meds dry them out too much. But you know, being sick is not as bad as it could be, because I'm still floating on newly wed bliss!

I remember that for the past 20 years (since I was about 7) I've been praying for a husband and a family of my own, and God provided me with the perfect mate! Now, I get to figure out how to navigate the married world. I am already learning about compromise and putting my husband's needs and wants ahead of my own.

Married people talk about compromise all the time, like it is something hard. Now, maybe it is because I'm still in the honeymoon phase, but I don't think it is that hard. I love D more than I love any other person, so why wouldn't I want to lavish him with all that I can?

Another thing I'm learning is that my time is not necessarily just my time. I have this wonderful man that I live with, and I have to factor him in. I need to make sure that if I go off and delve into a book in the evening he is ok with that.

Those are 2 of the lessons I'm learning. More lessons to come as D and I continue this wonderful journey.

-JP-

Marriage: Day 3

On Saturday I tied the knot and went from being a Miss or a Ms to being a Mrs. It is a big step and something that I have prayed for for as long as I can remember. I used to wonder why God was being so slow. I knew that marriage was (is) God ordained, so why wasn't God giving me what I yearned for?

Now I know that He wasn't being slow, he was just preparing me and preparing my husband. The timing had to be right---we both had to be free from other significant others and we had to be ready for marriage. The wait, the tears, the frustration, it was all worth it.

I found the man that God had His eye on for me, and I could not be happier, or more at peace. God gave me a man that loves me, that makes me laugh, that makes me feel safe, that I want to spoil, that I love more and more every day. My husband is a man that just by being who he is, he makes me want to grow more in Christ.

Yes, we do want kids, but we want to wait. Marriage is hard enough- it is the blending of two lives. Two people that are used to being single, and we need to adjust to each other before we are ready for kids (3 of them by the way!).

It has only been 3 days since our wedding, but it has been 3 of the most wonderful days of my 27 years. I plan to enjoy each day as it comes, but I'm looking forward to this journey and all the days that God gives me with my husband.

Marriage- what a trip!!!

-the new Mrs!-

Where is God???

Do you ever wonder that? Do you ever wonder. "Where is God when _____?" or " Where was God when ______" I think that it is a pretty common question. I know that I've asked it, many times. Many times I've cried out "Where were you God? And why did you allow this trial to occur?"

These questions are not bad or evil. Any sincere question you have for God is a good one. God is not intimidated by our questions, He is not offended by them. No, He LOVES our questions. For it is only in the asking that we can find answers.

Just be aware that you might not like the answer you get. God is going to be honest and He is going to deal with you, as He deals with me-- He holds me to His standards. Yes, I've asked God "Where were you?" sometimes His response has been a gentle, but needed "Daughter, it isn't about where I was. I've always been right here. You need to ask yourself, where were you? Why did you leave my side?"

That isn't always what I want to hear. I want to be able to blame God, because then I can maintain the facade that I'm in charge. But that is false. I'm not. God is.

Yes, I still wonder at times why God allowed certain things to happen. I wasn't raped because I ran from God. As a matter of fact, at that point in my life, I was fairly intimate with Him. The spiral I went on after the rape was not God's fault either. I didn't miscarry and try to commit suicide because God was off in some other part of the galaxy. I spiraled down (partly) because I ran FROM Him. I was the one that moved. Straying from God meant that I wasn't holding onto Him. I was denying myself the comfort and peace that I yearned for.

At a time in my life when I needed God, when I should have been huddling in His comforting peace, I was running from him. There were many reasons for this, or so I thought. The truth is, I ran. I left. God didn't leave, God was constantly urging me back to Him. I was ignoring it.

So, where is God? Where is God in the midst of the economic crisis? Where is God in the midst of 1000's of women being sold into sexual slavery every week? Where is God in a world that is mired in sexual sins, in drug addiction, in idolatry?

The answer is that God is right where He has always been. He is on his throne, reigning and loving us. He is holding the women as they are abused, crying the tears that they no longer have to shed. He is also quietly urging people to be charitable and help their neighbors. He is teaching people new languages, so the Bible can be translated and handed out, and people will see that there is an alternative to sin.

God gave us free will. We are now reaping what we have sown. God hates the sin as much as we hate it, but He loves us enough to let us choose our own path, even if it means rejecting us. God hates how much we humans hurt each other. God wants us to turn to Him, to run to Him. God will guide us and lead us, He is just waiting for the invitation.

Even if you have been a believer for the majority of your life, God still needs the invitation. What areas are you keeping from Him? God wants to be involved there too. So where is God? God is with us in the good and bad. God is here. God is always right here. It is never really about where God is. The better question is "Where are you in relation to God?" Are you facing toward God, or are you turned away and even running from Him?


"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in..." (Rev. 3:20a)

America: God's Gift

Today the nation of America is going to the polls. We are voting on many issues from US Congressional seats, to city officials. There are also referendums and other issues to be decided.

It is said that as American citizens we have the RIGHT to vote. While that is true, it is more than that. It is a PRIVILEGE. Voting and electing the people that make the decisions may be a right, but it is a not that all citizens of the globe are free to exercise. There are many countries without elections, or with partial elections. Of the countries that have elections, not all of them go as smoothly as it does in America.

You may scoff at that statement, but it is quite smooth in America. I voted and I wasn't harassed, I wan't threatened to vote a certain way, and my vote was confidential, so that I could feel free to vote how I wanted. That is an amazing gift.

Those of us in America (especially civilians) tend to take America for granted. I know, that I do. I don't always pause to think of all the gifts that America is, and how blessed I am that God allows me to live here. Even with the bad economy, and a president that I think would make a better hamburger flipper, America is still a gift.

Even living in the country I have my choice of grocery stores to visit, I can shop around for cheaper cell/cable/car service. I can go to church freely and worship how I want. I have a nice house and more stuff in it than I need. I have access to multiple library buildings full of books that I can check out for free!

I can call up my elected officials and tell someone how I feel. They probably won't heed my advice, but I will be punished for making the call.

There are so many amazing things about America, and for all of them I'm proud to call America my home. I'm also proud (bursting) of our military. Every person serving is there by choice. I'm being protected by people that are willing to do whatever it takes. They (and their family and friends) make HUGE sacrifices each and every day for all of us Americans.

There are other countries that are pretty great and I'd love to visit them. Yet, they are not home. America is my home and I'm ever so thankful that she is.

Dear Lord,
Please be with every person at the polls. Encourage them to vote for the godly choice, not just the popular choice. Encourage each of us to remember the seriousness of the ballots.
Thank you for allowing me to live in such an amazing country. Protect our men and women in uniform today and put your loving arm around their family members.
Most of all, thank you for Your love, forgiveness, support, justice and the gift of Salvation through Jesus Christ.

Through the blood the Lamb I pray.
Amen and I love You

Yet Another Strange Dream

I think I may be the queen of strange dreams. I had another one this am. It started out well, and ended horribly.

D and I were married and we had just celebrated our 5th anniversary. For our anniversary he bought me tickets to go stay with a friend that lived in Hawaii! It meant a week with a good friend and a week away from the responsibilities of wife and motherhood (we had 2 young kids) How sweet is he!?! My friend loves cats, so naturally I took Queenie with me. Somewhere along the way I lost her carrying case (that comes into play later).

My friend Haley and I had a BLAST! I learned how to surf, we ate yummy foods, visited gorgeous sites, chatted and I was able to relax, relax, relax. Finally the day to leave Hawaii came. Haley had to work, so I was going to take a cab to the airport.

Well, at her house it was a MESS. I couldn't find my suitcase and then everything I had to pack kept multiplying on me, till I was taking a whole closet full of stuff home. All I could find to pack it in were the little shirt boxes from department stores! And, I couldn't find anything to carry Queenie in!

The more frustrated I got, the more the stuff multiplied (and boxes started to disappear). Queenie found an open window and high tailed it to the ocean water. At that point I just screamed (out of frustration) and went to retrieve her, but I couldn't find her.

Finally, I did. She was...SURFING with the Stitch character from Lilo and Stitch. Queenie and I went inside, only when we got there we were not inside the bungalow anymore, we were at the airport and the TSA people were telling me I couldn't just carry Queenie, she had to be in something.

I didn't know what to do! I had my cat and my purse (and all tickets) and nothing else! I didn't know where to go to get a cat box, and my plane was due to take off in 30 minutes! I was frantic, they were not going to let Queenie come with me. I couldn't let that happen.

Just then, my cell rings. It is Haley, yelling at me for leaving her house a disaster. I had Queenie meowing to get down, TSA people telling me to get a carrier, and Haley yelling at me to come clean the house. I just hung up on her, and looked up to see a cop coming toward me.

At that point I woke up! I was never so glad to see my cat as I was this am! I also checked the closet for her carrier (and it was there)!

I'm now exhausted and it is only 7:40am! At least it was only a dream, and now I'm awake and can focus on cleaning a house that won't explode into messiness! Have a blessed Monday folks and HAPPY NOVEMBER!!!!!

I'm Going to the Chapel...

In just over 30 days I'm going to be heading to my church here in VA and I'm going to be...GETTING MARRIED! That's right folks, I've finally found that man that God has for me. It is very exciting, wonderful, marvelous, scary, weird and sweet. In life we make decisions every single day. Some of them are minor, and a few are life altering.

In the past few months I've had to make a lot of minor decisions and a few major ones. The biggest decision a person can make is about salvation. Your decision to either follow Christ or to go it alone will affect you for all eternity. Choose today to serve Christ, and you will forever look on that as the best decision you ever made.

The second most important decision is your decision on whom to marry. Marriage is a vow that we make before Holy God and it is NOT to be undone. We promise to live with, stand by and love the other person for the rest of our lives. That's it. We don't promise "I will love you till it becomes inconvient or I change my mind." If you want to understand how holy and unbreakable God views vows (of any kind) just turn to the Old Testament (the first part of the Bible).

There are minor decisions, that seem major when we have to make them. For example, our careers. It seems like a major decision because we spend so much time at work, and what we decide to do will affect how much $ we make. But in the scheme of things, it is minor. What I mean is, if we choose to change it is not a sin. We can change all we want and still be in the "Will of God".

OF course there are the really minor decisions: what to eat, what to wear, what to watch on tv, what hobbies to take up, where to live. All these are decisions to make, and as long as we are following "Whatsover is true, whatsover is right, whatsoever is pure..." that God is proud of our decisions. More than likely what I choose to eat for breakfast will not affect my life 12 years from now. It is a minor decision.

What decisions have you made lately, and what verses do you use to guide your decisions?

Heaven

One of my favorite things to do when I'm not feeling good (and when I am) is to think about heaven. I think maybe I like to dream of my future home because this earth isn't so great.

Don't get me wrong, there is a lot of joy to be found here. I have a family that loves and supports me, I have a wonderful man that loves me, I have friends that are a joy, I have 2 pets that are highly entertaining, I have so many blessings in my life. The best blessing is a God that adores me, that paints me a new picture every morning and throughout the day He is busy changing it (just a little bit).

Yet, there are also so many struggles. I fight my sin nature (and lose) all the time, I deal with repercussions of the rape, with R.A., with trying to find a job, having to bid a final adieu to people that I love. I have to go to court (BAH...long story...no I'm not a harden criminal, I just like to drive quickly and it turns out that if you drive TOO fast you get in trouble!).

Heaven is going to be a place that is rid of all the results of sin. I'll never get sick or hurt, I won't have to constantly battle my sin nature, and I'll be done saying good-bye.

To make matters even better, I'll get to worship at the feet of JESUS. I'll enter through the gate made of the finest pearl, walk on golden streets, past the most beautiful crystal sea (where I might pause to just soak in the beauty) and finally I'll enter the throne room and FINALLY bow at the feet of Christ where my voice will be beautiful in its praise and worship of my beloved and deserving savior!!!

Heaven will be so wonderful, I can't even imagine! The battle will be finished, and victory will be for all those that have trusted Christ, and the victor will be Christ himself, God Almighty. Heaven will be filled with His presence.

The food will be more magnificent than mere words can capture, the beauty of the landscape will be indescribable, and God will be beyond all that! Pops was right when he said "Glory!" that is what we will all be muttering, "Glory, Hallelujah, Praise be to the Lamb!"

Heaven, such a fun dream, and a dream that will one day be my reality! For now, I must come down from the dreams of golden streets and worshipful choirs and I must do the work that I am created to do, and that is to love and serve Christ by loving and serving others in all the opportunities I am given. Heaven is the prize, but earth is the race, and I must continue mine.

Rape: Where the Past is still Present

I've been applying and interviewing for jobs all over the area and I lost out on a job that I really wanted because my psych eval. showed that I have a history of panic attacks. So once again the rape is affecting my life in a very real way.

I hate that. I hate that no matter how hard I try the rape is not just an event in my past that helped shaped me (not all for the better, but it did mold me). The rape is an event in my past that still continues to reach into my present and screw with my future. Life just isn't easy and the past can't always be left in the past.

Dear Lord,
You know well that I'm frustrated, that I still get angry at how my past is affecting my present. I know that You love me. Please be near me as I look for jobs. Point me in the right direction and help me to quickly find the job that You have for me. Encourage the employers to look my way. I want to contribute to our family. In order to be a steward of my finances, I need a job to earn those finances. You know I'm willing to work hard, I just need the chance. HELP me! I want a job.
Lord, cover me in Your love. Thank for always being there for me, and for all of us that call to You. I know we come to You more in times of need than times of joy. I apologize for not giving You the attention You deserve. I apologize that You have not always been first place in my life. You are the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, You are the magnificent creator, Jehovah, Judge, Friend, Father, Life giver, You are our wonderful counselor, our great physician, you are our EVERYTHING.
Unto You be all the glory, the praise and the worship, for You alone are worthy of adoration. Help me to remember that, to remember my first love and to show that through my actions, my mind, my heart attitude. Even if things don't go my way, help me to remain joyful, because no matter what the struggles I face may be, You are still You and you just love to help us see beyond the present, see past the past and into the future, a future that is forever filled with YOU.

Through Your Son's blood, sacrifice and resurrection I pray. AMEN.

Trying...

Have you ever had days, weeks, months, maybe even years where Christianity is just tough? I have lately.

I love the Lord. I do. I love God and I am eternally grateful that I'll get to spend eternity with Him in heaven. Which leads me to wonder, why do I have such a hard time living the Christian life?

I love to read, yet lately reading the Bible has seem liked a chore. The Bible is God's love letter to each of us. I love to read notes my Prince Charming has written to me, so shouldn't want to read God's love note even more? So, on top of not wanting to dig into the word, I have guilt over it. And yes, maybe the guilt is there to spur me to do it.

I also do things that I know I shouldn't do. I watch shows that I know are not uplifting. I know that if I was a more devout Christian I wouldn't do some of the things that I am doing.

So, what do I do to get out of the rut. Because I want to be that person that God knows I can be. I do love Him, but right now I am having a hard time manifesting that love into a desire to be and do good. I remember when I couldn't get enough of prayer and Scripture.

Maybe I just need to take a time out and refocus. I don't know. But I do want to get back on tack. I guess the desire to do good is a good sign. For awhile I didn't even care. But, now I do care. I just need to find a way to move beyond trying and into doing.

WHY?

Dear Lord,

I love You very much and I know that You love me too. But, I do have some questions for You. Questions that maybe should have been asked years ago, but I was not ready to ask them yet. I think that I am now. I also believe that deep down I know what the answers are going to be, but I still need to ask the questions.

I wouldn't change the fact that I can rest in Your love these days, but it has been a really hard to get here. I know that You were there the night I was raped, the fact that I'm still alive is a testiment to that. The fact that a few months later when You wouldn't let the pills kill me, like I planned, well that is further testiment to Your presence. So I know that You love me. I am finally ready to ask why though. Why did things happen the way they did? Why are so many women raped every year, why haven't You come back and put an end to all the evil?

I know that I'm not the only one with questions, and I'm not questioning your existence, because I believe that you are here, so maybe it is your tactics I'm questioning. I'm not even sure. There is a lot that I want to know, that I want to understand.

I also want to know why, if purity is so important to You, why is rape so common? It is estimated that 25% of women will be sexually assualted sometime in their life. That is a low ball estimate, because so few of us report the crime, I was one of those. I chose silence. Yes, that is what I felt would help me survive. Rape is not something we ask for, so why do You allow it to be so rampant?

You are GOD- you are almighty, all-powerful, you are in control, you love each of us. Yet, vilolent crimes occur ALL the time. Not only do vilolent crimes happen way too frequently, but all the pain that people feel- from losing a spouse, a child, friend, family member, to health and emotional problems of our own.

I know the Bible says this is not how You designed the world to function. Your design was perfection and bliss. We humans screwed things up. Yet, it is easily in Your power to come back and claim Your rightful title as ruler. So, what is keeping you?

No matter what the answers to all my questions, I will still love you, because you loved me enough to make a way for me to escape an eternity of pain and spend eternity in bliss with you. My love won't change, but maybe my understand will.


You Loving Child

Wondering

Sometimes I wonder, and I'm being totally serious here, but sometimes I wonder just how important things are to God.

I believe that God created the universe. I'm not totally convinced that He did it in 6 24 hour days, but I believe that He could have. I believe that man was created perfect, but Adam and Eve chose to sin and since we are all descendants of Adam, we all have a sinful nature. I believe that since we are sinful and can't make it to Heaven on our own, God came down to earth as Jesus, lived a perfect life (because he was from Eve not Adam) and sacrificed himself on the cross, died and defeated eternal death by coming back to life. I believe that Christ is in heaven now, with all the believers that have lived and died. I believe that He is coming back some day. I believe in Hell and that if you chose to not accept Christ's gift, you will go to Hell. Sorry- but it is the truth.

That is what I believe. If you follow my logic it means that Christ loves us-he died for us, that is pretty big love. And I believe that He sends the Holy Spirit into our lives to help us, because this life isn't easy. I believe that some things are pretty important to God, and others are maybe not so much.

Purity is one of those things I wonder about. I believe (or maybe I just need to believe, but it boils down to the same thing these days for me) that if my purity (sexually here folks) was that important to God, he would not have allowed me to be raped brutally by 2 bastards. He is GOD, he controls the universe. Yes, we have free will, but He still could have stopped it. Caused it to rain, so those guys would choose to stay inside-they still have their choice. But, God chose to remain out of the picture.

If my purity was as important as church people want you think it is, than God could have protected me, and he could protect the millions of other women (and men) that are raped every year. It is low ball estimated that 25% of women will experience some form of sexual assault in her lifetime. That is a HUGE #. How important is purity to God?

And if it isn't that important to Him-where do I draw the line. I'm not the type to go out and sleep with every Tom, Dick and Harry I saw, but neither am I a wedding day virgin. I've had sex and some of it (most of it) has been by choice-my choice. Yet all we hear about these days is how "True Love Waits"

Don't get me wrong, I think it is great to wait till marriage. Your virginity is something that you can only give away once, so choose wisely. And after that, remember that no matter what Hollywood says, or what your schoolmates say, you do give part of yourself to every person you have sex with. AND-if that is not enough there are always STI's to worry about. If you only ever sleep with your spouse, than the chances of contracting an STI go WAY WAY down. That is a good thing. There are enough ways to get sick--why go looking for them!?!

So, I'm not advocating a sex free for all, I'm advocating wisdom, but I am wondering how important it REALLY is to God and I'm finally getting around to asking Him "why?" I've never asked Him why it happened to me, because that felt selfish, why not me I would say. But I think I want an answer.

One Holy Mess

Do you ever wonder what God thinks when He looks down at you? I'm talking to fellow believers here. I know He looks at me with love, and through the blood of Christ. But, often I wonder what He sees when He looks at me, because seriously folks, I'm not pretty. Now I'm not talking about outward appearance (though I would like to lose weight, get a nose job and enhance a certain other area, while tightening up the area where I sit!), I am talking about the part that is me.

There are days, weeks, months even where I just don't feel lovable. It isn't depression, and it isn't that I don't feel loved. It is more that I'm acutely aware of how undeserving I am of being loved by HOLY, RIGHTEOUS, PERFECT God. I'm no one. In fact, I'm not just a nobody, I'm a daily screw up. I don't always read my Bible. I sometimes dash off a prayer, and it is real generic. I'll speed, I'm not always that wise with the finances (not that they are that much)that HE has blessed me with. I could go on, naming sins and things I do that are not even up to my standards, let alone God's.

It makes me wonder. Does He really think there is hope that I'll get better? I try, I really do. But I always fall short. I'm never going to be good enough and that is just depressing. I am one holy mess, and I hate that. I hate that I fail so often and in so many basic ways. I hate that I give in to sin and the schemes of the Devil, when my heart wants to do the right thing.

It is at times like these that I take refuge in the life of Paul. If anyone was a holy mess it was Saul. But, even when he turned from Hell and accepted Christ, Paul was still somewhat of a mess.

We see this in Romans 7:7-25. Verse 14 really spells it out: "We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin."

If Paul struggled and felt like a slave to sin, it should be no surprise, that I would feel the same, doing things that I hate-even while I'm doing them. Yet, the allure of sin is great.

See, Satan is a master at his craft. He and his evil henchmen have learned just what works to draw us away from Christ. They know how to make sin seem alluring, and how to hook us, so even if we are not technically addicted, we feel addicted to certain sins. We ALL struggle, not all in the same ways, but we all struggle. We can't help it, we are born with a sin nature. Yet, we have a life line, a guide that can help, so that we overcome the sin nature.

But feeling like this and knowing that I'm human is no excuse for my sin. I know better. I've read my Bible, I've prayed, and I have the Holy Spirit inside, telling me what the right thing is to do. When I sin, it is a willful decision on my part. That is what gets me. I know what I should do, and what I shouldn't do. I know that certain actions are wrong, yet, I do them anyway. That is why I'm a holy mess. Holy because I'm covered by Christ's blood, but still a mess of sin.

When I feel this way I have to remind myself that I'm a work in progress. Sin is not ok, so I confess my misdeeds and I do better. I learn from the sin and strive to do better. God looks at me and He see someone that loves Him, a person whose heart is in the right place. He sees a woman that needs to let go of pride, of selfishness, of stubborness and listen to Her heart-the leading of the spirit.

Yes, I am a mess, but I don't have to remain one. I can get up and do better. If Saul can become Paul, than I can become something better too. Because when God sees me He doesn't see a nobody, He sees a valued creation, a princess, His daughter. That is some motivation. If that is what I am, that is how I need to learn to act. To whom much has been given, much is required, and God has given me Heaven with Him for all eternity. A little obedience is not an obscene request. So this holy mess is going to continue striving to clean up her act! I can do it, because I have God helping me.

Changing

It is amazing what love will do for a person. I grew up in Wyoming, so people would assume that I'm a bit of a country girl, and I am. I love the wide open spaces-lots of land between neighbors (even though I grew up in town) and the pace of life in the country.

Life is just life, but city folk and country folk view life a little bit differently. In the city it is go, go, go all the time. When you are not working (and a lot of city folk work LONG hours) you are busy going from one thing to another.

In the country, you work hard. The land supports you and you have to work hard to be sustained by the land. Yet, when the work day is done, life slows done a little bit. You may have supper with friends/neighbors, or you may just go inside and turn the game on the big screen. There are no museums or galleries to visit, and movies are a treat, not an every night experience. You have to go to things-they are not just right there, at the next metro stop.

Neither lifestyle is better than the other. Whichever you chose is going to be right for you. I grew up in a small, Wyoming town with dreams of living in the city. In college and grad school I was in the city, first Denver and then to smaller cities. I loved it.

But now, I am changing. Maybe it is returning to roots (of my ancestors) or maybe I just see the pros of country living, but I'm less and less of a city girl. Yeah, I like having a mega Kroger 10 minutes away, and I love that city libraries have more books, and going to coffee shops to write is good too, but I am finding that the more time I spend in the country the more I love it.

I love being able to see 100's of stars at night. I enjoy sitting on the porch and shucking corn or snapping beans. I love the views of rolling hills, and meadows with cow pastures. I love that when friends come over it is an event and you do things at home (my pocketbook loves that).

Yeah I miss other things, but this country kid turned city woman is back to loving the country life!

Paige's Vows (an excerpt from the novel)

So one of the things that the character in my novel is doing is to ponder her one day wedding. I think that ALL girls do this at some point. We like to dream and we like to dream of the perfect wedding. For each of us the perfect wedding is something different. For my character, at least right now, she thinks the perfect wedding includes personally penned vows. So, I thought I'd give y'all a glimpse into Paige's world and let you see the vows that she wrote to her future groom. I hope you enjoy this little bit of the book...

To my husband:

When I was a little girl I prayed to marry prince charming, and today God is answering that prayer. You are my prince, the man that God set apart for me to love and to return that love with your own. I vow that I will not be perfect, but I will do my best. I will love you with my whole heart and mind. I will be right there beside you through all the ups and downs of life.

Whether we are rich or poor, sick or healthy, living in the city or out in the middle of the Amazon, I'll be your constant companion. I vow to love, forgive, encourage, listen and respect you. I vow to make mistakes and to do my best to fill our home with laughter. Mostly I vow to do my best to follow Christ's leading as He continues to mold me into the woman He wants me to be, and the wife you need. I love you.

******************** (copyright protected btw)****************************

Love

Right now it is 6:01am on a Sunday. So much is going on in my life and I don't really know where to begin. Life is crazy like that. I've yet to find a time when there isn't a lot going on in my life. I love having a full life, I really do, but some days I just need a break!

So I am giving myself a break and right now I'm focusing on happy thoughts and one of my happy thoughts is love. Love is wonderful and necessary. Love provides security. When we are loved we feel secure and safe.

I'm not talking about physical safety. We all have people that we love, and they know we love them, and they are over on the other side of the globe fighting a war. They are not as physically safe as we want them to be, but they are SAFE, because they know that we love them; emotionally they are protected. And sometimes that is all we can do.

We have to keep on loving, even when it hurts. Love is what this life is all about. We are need it, and studies show just how important love is in each stage of life. And yes, there are different types of love and we need to experience them all. Love is one of those gifts that the more we give the more we have.

Love is an exhausted mother rocking her baby at 330am, so he can sleep and grow. Love is a wife writing her husband a letter full of nothing, so that he has something tangible to read and hold while he is over in the sandbox. Love is a daughter hugging her mom as Mom leaves for deployment. Love is the soldier fighting to protect people he doesn't even know. Love is a kitty curled up on your lap as you watch TV. Love is a friend giving you the last cookie in the jar. Love is a husband and wife sitting together on the porch swing, holding hands after 60 years of being together. Love is a young boy stopping to give a little water to a turtle on a hot day. Love is a Savior hanging on a cross, listening to the insults, but refusing to come down, so that we could be with Him in Heaven for all eternity.

Isn't love grand!!!!!!

Come Quickly Lord!

Dear Lord,
I don't want to sound like I'm demanding action, because who am I to demand something from Holy, Powerful, Awesome, God? I'm no one, just one human out of billions that have been created. Yet, I'm going to be bold and plead with you right now. I'm begging, please Lord, come quickly! Please!
This world that we live in is full of pain, suffering and too many good-byes. Once again I'm being forced to say good-bye to someone that I love. Once YOU return, the time for good-byes will be over, and for that, I can't wait.
I can't wait for the time when you reign here on Earth, when everyone and everything acknowledges who YOU are, and You are given Your rightful worship. I can't wait for a time when there is no sickness, sin, shame or death. Your earthly reign, the new Heaven, Earth and Jerusalem all sound indescribably wonderful.
Please, Lord, I beg you, come quickly! Claim your rightful title as King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Master of ALL.
No matter what, I WILL love You, I WILL praise YOU and I will continue to try to figure out this Christian life and sin less than I did yesterday. I WILL serve You to the best of my energy and knowledge.
You ARE my everything and that is why I long to see YOU return.

Your Loving Child,
JLK

Creating a Diamond

Right now I'm in the last stages of working on the new edition of my novel. Joyfully After All is coming along, but the pressure to basically write a book in a summer is tremendously amazing in its stress level. I love to write, and I have this story to tell, but I also have other things going on, so I can't always devote the time that I need to, to the book. Not to mention that I'm not guaranteed inspiration on any given day.

Writing is not a 9-5 type job. I can't just sit at my laptop and say "Today I'm going to write 25 pages in my novel." It doesn't work like that. I have to have something to add to the story. In essence the characters have to speak to me and tell me where they want to go, and what they say. More often than not, they are silent and I'm dragging things out of them. This makes for a less than stellar story and many instances of major deleting and starting over.

Someday I hope to be able to support my family with my writing career, but that requires getting this novel finished and convincing the publisher that it is good enough and people will want to read it. Of course, along with my writing career I want to travel and talk to women and girls about overcoming the black times of life, about protecting themselves, about seeing a way to cling to God, even when you can't feel or see Him.

This is my passion, but in order to do it. This darn diamond needs to form. If pressure is any indication, the diamond is going to be gorgeous, but the creation process is not easy, or always fun.

People have asked about my other passion, working with military families. That is still a passion of mine in a HUGE way (for MANY reasons). I'm just not sure how to go about it. My current thinking is to write a book (or even a short series) about life on base/post. I think a good way to serve military spouses is tell the story, let civilians know what it is like and what they can do (without preaching), and what better to do that, than with some fun stories that everyone can enjoy?

All of this requires one thing: Joyfully After All needs to get finished and published SOON. Keep up the prayers, thanks for all the ones you've already sent to the throne.

-JLK-

Expressing Love

Years ago a book was published, The Love Languages. In this book the author discusses the 5 major love languages. These love languages include:
1. Quality Time
-You express love by spending time with the people you love
2. Physical Touch/Closeness
-You express love through hugs/kisses/being near the people you love
3. Gifts
-You express love through the giving of gifts
4. Words
-You express love through what you say
5. Service
-You express love by doing things for those you love

According to the author we all have a dominate love language, or of those 5, we have one that we gravitate toward the most. When I was younger that might have been true. But I've noticed that as I grow older, I'm more and more a mesh of all of them.

I like to give gifts to my friends and family to say "I love you". It is fun to get to watch people open a gift, just as it is to think of the person as I am making the gift or if I spy it in the store. Yet, gift giving isn't anymore dominate for me than the others. I love to do things for others, help clean the apartment/house, do little things for those I love. I find that telling people I love them is important. Physical touch is necessary. Sometimes I just need to hug or kiss my SO. We could be hanging out, playing a game (quality time) and that isn't enough, I need to touch and be touched. And last is quality time, yes, I want to spend as much quality time with those I love as possible.

So, while I agree with the author that we need to recognize our love languages, I have yet to figure out which one is the most dominate in me. I express love through all of them.


The other side of the coin is to figure out how you receive love. Which language makes me feel the most loved? Once again I'm met with an enigma. Because I express love through all 5 languages, I can receive it as well through all 5. I can recognize that when my SO is helping me hang a clothes line (SERVICE) that is one way of showing me he loves me, just as he does when we hug or kiss (PHYSICAL TOUCH), or when he is cooking me dinner (SERVICE again), playing Sorry with me (QUALITY TIME), texting me goodnight (WORDS), or picking me up some M&M's (GIFTs). Each of those I see as ways that he is expressing his love.

I can agree that some people may have a language that speaks more fluently. My Dad would be a service guy. Growing up he was always doing, doing, doing. Working extra hours, or doing things around the house. He shows his love through acts of service. Dad is totally more fluent in service than others, and that is great. We need more Martha's in this world. Just we need some Mary's. People that see the importance of quality time-just sitting with those they love.

Recognizing that what your parents, sibling, or spouse is doing is their way of saying I Love You is very important, and that I think is the crux of the book. It is important to discuss this with those you love, so that you can understand the motivation behind what is going on.

So, spend some time thinking how you show love, how you receive it, and just who in your life could use a little bit more.

No So Much a Retreat Anymore

I used to really enjoy having my own apartment. It was nice. Gives me the freedom to decorate however I want, and to rearrange those decorations as often as I please. I could have my friends whenever and not worry about bothering a roomie. It was quiet when I needed it to be quiet, but open to friends whenever. I was able to go to bed early and wake up early and not worry about bothering or being bothered by someone else's schedule. It was nice. My apartment was my retreat and I loved it.

I still love my apartment. It is eclectic and homey, it is me-very much so. My personality is stamped on every room. That part I love (I wish for more space and an updated kitchen, but I love the apartment). I like the neighborhood I'm in and I like that it is affordable.

But, lately it hasn't been the retreat that it used to be. It is quiet. Yeah, I have a feline to greet me when I come home and that is nice, and I have music and tv for sound, but it is more lonely than retreat.

I know why that is, but there isn't much I can about changing the situation at the moment. Since I can't change the situation I have to change my attitude, those are the only 2 options. So, I'm trying to find ways to change my attitude and return to the times when the quiet of having my own place was cozy and not lonely.

MY Purpose Driven Life

I went to a family reunion this afternoon. It was a lot of fun, relaxing and HOT. It was a typical summer day here in central Virginia and that means that it was near 100 if not actually there. We were right on a gorgeous and that helped. Not to mention being out in God's wonderful creation.

There were door prizes and everyone won something. I won "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. As much as I love to read and stay current on what is going on in the world of devotionals, I've never actually read this tome that has been called one of the most influential books in the 20th century. Being as it is now the 21st century, I figured that since it was free to me I'd give it a go.

Tonight I began with day 1. I don't want to just steal all Rick's work and give you the whole book here, for free (that would be illegal) I do want to share the Question to Consider. Tonight (and tomorrow till evening devotion time when I read day 2) I'm to consider how I am going to stay focused on remembering that I'm not here (on earth) for me, but for God.

That is big. The point I think, is to realize that this life is not about you, it is not about me. Life is about God. Life was created by God, and each life ends at God's command-we can't outlive God's purpose. It isn't about "God help me do what I want to do." It is about "God help to live YOUR purpose."

Humans are by nature narcissistic. To quote Mr. Warren (if I may) "...life is about letting God use you for HIS purposes, not your using him for your own purpose." Too often we pray to God to help us accomplish what WE want. And while our wants may not be bad, it is still a self-centered focus. We need to pray for wisdom to get ourselves out of the way, so that God can work through us.

This isn't easy. I struggle with this and I can see that lately I've been REALLY struggling in this area. I'm looking for a new full time job and I've been praying "God help me find a job that will fulfill my dreams, that will help do what I love." and yes, some of the things I love are Godly and good. But, I think I need to change how I've been praying. In lieu of my current prayers I need to start praying in a new vein.

"God help me to see Your greater plan, to understand why I am here and what You want from my life. Help me to stay out of Your way, so that through Your guidance I can go about each do fulfilling Your purpose. Help me to remember to always look to Christ, because He provides all the identity I need. Thank You for thinking of ME when You created the world. Most of all, help me to remember that there is more to my purpose and my being here than a career, and even a family. You have a cosmic, eternal plan. Guide me and show me how I fit into that, and as I learn to see Your purpose help me to understand what that means about the choices I need to make each day as it is comes to a family, a career and all the varied decisions that come with this life.

Thank You. Thank You for Your Son, for the gift of salvation. Thank You for caring for me and for having a purpose for my life. Thank You for your patience, your guidance, for loving me through all my sins. I confess to you that I'm a sinner, I'm done many things I shouldn't, I haven't done things that I should. Please search me and try me, clean out my heart and make me pure, holy and blameless once more. Thank You for this forgiveness and I pray that now I can move one and be a better reflection of You, so that through my life others may come to know You and be found in the Lamb's book of life.

I pray all this through Jesus Christ, the spotless lamb. He and He alone makes it possible for me to approach Your throne. I love You. Amen."

A Daily Challenge

I love Jesus, that is no surprise to anyone reading this. I believe that the Bible is the inerrant Word of God and that the only way to make it to Heaven is to accept God's gift of salvation, to believe the Scripture as recorded in the 66 books of the Holy Bible.

Yet, do my daily choices reflect those beliefs? Am I doing everything I can to live a life worthy of calling myself a Christian? Am I showing the Lord my gratitude through my actions?

Those should be questions that we ask ourselves each day. Each day we need to feel challenged to live the Christian life in a way that not only shows the world where our faith is, but shows God where out heart lies. Because our actions are somewhat dictated by our hearts. If I REALLY love God and REALLY want to serve Him, than I'll do what is necessary to overcome the flesh, the sinful side of my nature and I'll tap into the Holy Spirit's guidance and I'll do what is right, but it is a daily, even minute by minute challenge.

There are areas of life where I really struggle and I know that I'm living in the gray area and a big part of me quite frankly enjoys the gray. The gray is where the fun (for the flesh) happens. Living life when everything is black and white is not always "fun". It isn't fun to say no to certain activities, at least not in the short term.

While we life for today and realize that God hasn't promised us tomorrow, we also shouldn't live just in the short term. Our focus shouldn't be "Does this bring me joy now, does it satisfy me now?" Our focus should be "Does this choice help me please God and protect my future joy?"

For example, sex is a big issue in society. God created sex for many reasons. God created it as a means of procreation. God created sex as a means of gaining deep intimacy. God created sex to burn calories, for fun, for creativity, for excitement. God also created sex as a way for 2 humans to see on a limited scale just how close the Holy Trinity is. Just as in sex 2 people become 1, the Trinity is always 1.

In the right context sex is great and holy and should be enjoyed to its fullest. Go forth and do it! But in the wrong context, sex is a sin. Sex was designed for marriage. A man and a woman get married and then sex is a GO--but not for anyone else. That man or woman can have sex only with their spouse.

But here is where it gets to the gray area and where a lot of Christians have very deep held beliefs as do non Christians. What constitutes sex? No really. When the Bible talks about sex is the Bible just talking about penile to vaginal intercourse? Or does it include all forms: fellatio, cunnilingus, sodomy, etc.?

A lot of conservatives will say that it is ANYTHING sexual, even beyond what I mentioned---things like petting and french kissing are included in the sex act of marriage. On the other hand, the more liberal people will say that Biblical sex is when the penis enters the vagina, that is what should be saved for marriage (and the conservatives will come back with "those people are just trying to justify their behaviors").

Sex, which some may consider a black and white issue becomes a gray area issue. Just what do you consider sex (I know, you feel like we are back in the Clinton era)? This is just an example of how complicated life can get and why it is such a daily struggle to live a Christ honoring life.

I think part of the solution is to learn to not see life as what we can get away with, but what can we do to glorify Christ? Another way to look at it: it isn't about how close can we get to the electrified fence without feeling a buzz, but what can enjoy within the confines of this great big yard called Biblical living? God calls us to a life of higher standards, but He doesn't call us to a life of boredom.

The Christian life should be the better, the more freeing choice. Yes, it is a daily challenge to get there and see just how much freedom we have in Christ, but it is worth it. Oh boy is it worth it! And, yes even the heroes of the faith struggled with sin. It isn't about achieving perfection, but it is about the striving for perfection, the journey and the want. Like they say "Aim for the moon, and when you miss you will land among the stars"

Growing

There have been many days lately when I really wonder. Am I making the right decisions? Am I doing the Lord's will? Is my life a fragrant offering to the Lord? I know that there are days when we can all (if we are being honest) say "No, not really." So how do we turn those no answers into affirmative answers? It is so easy to get caught up in sin cycles, where we make the same mistakes, sin the same sins day after day.

I'm not talking about huge things, I'm talking about what we would call the little sins. Small things that creep up. These things may seem small in our view, but we only see things in a limited field of vision.

Every sin is a big sin. Every sin carries the same penalty. It doesn't matter if all you did was make fun of someone, it carries the same penalty as killing them. That penalty is death. Now, it may not mean your death, but it did mean Christ's death. That thought sobers me. It should also spur me to live a holier life, knowing just how far Christ went to pay for my sins.

Yet, I still struggle and some days I feel like a real failure and a real disappointment to my Lord. I love Him. I love Jesus, I love the Father, I love the Holy Spirit. Yet, my life falls far short of showing that love. I screw up. I do things I wish I wouldn't do. I say things I wish I wouldn't say.

We are told in Scripture to be honest, to live lives of integrity and I'm a firm believer in that way of life. But I also believe that not everyone needs to know the exact details of everything I struggle with, nor do I need to know their exact struggles (and yes I'm a counselor saying this. I expect clients to be honest, if they want to grow, but I don't need to know what 8 billion people are struggling with. That is God's job). There are things that we all struggle with. It is enough sometimes to just ask for prayer. To say to someone, "hey I'm trying to take a few steps forward in my walk and I seem to be hitting some roadblocks, could you please pray for me to find my way past them?"

That is enough, it says to the other person. "Yeah, I admit that I'm not perfect and I need help." I think that is what the Lord wants. He wants us to be honest, to be vulnerable and to admit the truth: we are not perfect and we need HIS help.

So, today I want to admit, "I'm trying to grow. I want to grow. But I'm finding that the path to holiness is hard and I'm trying to overcome some struggles and areas of sin that are ensnaring me. Will you please pray for me to stay focused on the Lord and to enlist HIS divine help in overcoming them, so that I can live a life that is a sweet fragrance to Him, that pleases Him and that shows the world just who my faith is in."

Thank you! Your prayers are appreciated!

Sitcoms

I just love sitcoms: Friends, Seinfeld, Andy Griffith, MASH, Reba, Perfect Strangers, Full House, Fresh Prince, Home Improvement, etc. There is so much to love in the half an hour situational comedies. The best part is that whatever problem the characters face you know it will be solved in a funny way by the end of the episode, or maybe carried over for 1 or 2, but you know that the problem WILL be solved and you will laugh through it.

There are times when I really wish my life was a sitcom. I wish I could solve my problems as easily as the writers do in Hollywood on the shows. Unfortunately my life is not a sitcom, it's reality. And because of that there is no writer that is going to come along and solve today's problem for me in a funny way. I have to figure it out all on my own.

Well...that's not totally true I do have the Lord to turn to, in fact I shouldn't have to TURN to Him, I should already be focused on Him. I think that is where most of my problems come from- I take my eyes off of God and focus on the world, on the temporary. In Jeremiah 29 we are told that God has plans for each of us, and they are good plans, plans that will benefit us. If I stay focus on Him, I'll be able to see what those plans are. Probably not all at once, but I will see more of the plan than I do when I'm focused elsewhere.

For July my spiritual goal is to stay more focused on the Lord and less focused on the obstacles. My focus needs to be upward.

Jesus Wept

By now we all know that no one escapes this life alive. Because of sin in the world we all must pay the price, we all must die. Praise the Lord that it is just one death. Due to Christ's sacrifice on the cross, and His resurrection, we have the chance to spend eternity in Heaven! All we have to do is believe and accept the gift and Heaven awaits us!

It is exciting to read the Bible passages and think about Heaven. It is even more exciting to know that what we are imagining does not even come close to how amazing and truly awesome Heaven is. The best part of Heaven is not the streets of gold, the crystal sea, or the reunion with loved ones. Though, all those are perfectly wonderful things. The best part of Heaven is the throne room. The room where Christ sits at the right hand of the Father. The room where will be bowing down and singing praises to our Lord and Savior. Hallelujah!

Heaven is a wonderful place, and it IS filled with glory and grace. Yet, even as we know that our loved ones that trusted Christ are there NOW it doesn't take away the grief that comes one God calls one of them home. Grief is a godly emotion. Christ grieved.

Think about that...JESUS CHRIST GRIEVED. God the Son, who has reigned in Heaven from before time began, grieved. His friend had just died and Christ wept. Jesus knew where Lazarus was, Jesus came to us from Heaven, and still he wept when his friend died. Weeping and grief is godly. When God calls one of the saints home, it means that for those of us left, there is a long term good-bye.

We may know that our loved one is in Heaven, but that doesn't mean that the days w/o them here are easy. When a spouse dies they leave a hole-the bed is no longer as warm at night and things that used to annoy us, are missed. You miss having to pick up after them, wash their dishes and hear them snoring. There is a hole. They may be in Heaven, but you are left to pick up the pieces, to fashion a life and figure out where God wants you now.

As Christians we are called to walk the straight and narrow path, not the smooth and easy one. The joy is that Christ is always with us. He won't always shield us from pain and suffering, from having to answer life's toughest questions. But he will always be there beside us, behind us, before us and holding us. If we call out to Him, He will be there, He will hear and He will provide an answer. He promised to do all that. "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." (Matt. 7:7-8)

We can all name people that we love and that have finished their race. We can name people that we miss dearly, that we still grieve for some days. It is ok to miss them, to grieve for them, to weep. But just like Jesus, we need to continue to look to God, to give our tears to God and to live while we are here. As the wise king Solomon said in Ecc. 3:
"1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace."

Make the most of each moment, of each time you are in. Create a "Bucket List" and do those things. Make your life full of memories, family and friends. And by gosh, if you love someone hurry up and show it!

Death

Right now I am busy praying for a friend who is in a hospital fighting for his life. He was diagnosed a few days ago with "Neisseria Meningitidis" It is a form of meningitis, which is quite deadly-approximately 20% of adults that are diagnosed with NM will not make it, even with proper treatment.

My friend is married to a girl that I have known my whole life. She is a sweetheart, and they are 6 months pregnant with their first child, a little boy. The whole situation is just awful. I feel for N as he fights for his life against this deadly invader in his body. But more than that I just can't imagine what H is going through. Worried that her husband won't make it, but praying that he does.

In the back of her mind has to be the thought, of "what will I do if God takes N home?" She will be a widow raising a newborn. Yes, she has a wonderful family that will support her. She has an AMAZING God that will get her through, and she has friends. All of that is necessary.

The situation gives me a chance to ponder death. It happens to all of us, yet we don't really like to think about it. Yeah we joke about it, and we go to action flicks where we watch the hero kill a plethora of bad guys in many creative ways. But, when it comes down to it, death is serious and we shy away from any serious discussion of death. Even, as Christians, who know what happens after we die, we don't like to talk about it.

I know that my great, great Aunt that just died is in Heaven. She was 98 and God called her home. As hard as it is to say good-bye to a loved one, if we know that they were Christians, than we know that they are in a much better place, and I don't mean that as a cliche. And, at 98 she lived a long life and was loved by many and had many fun hobbies. She was a huge fan of the Redskins and enjoyed bowling. So, yeah it is always a bit sad to say good-bye and bury a family member.

But, it is situations like N's that just tear at the heartstrings. N is still young-in his mid 30's. He hasn't lived a full life yet. He is just starting to grow his family. If he were to be called home, he would be leaving his wife and child behind to blaze a different trail than H would have imagined.

Most of us don't get married planning on starting a family and while on the cusp of that we have to bury our spouse. People get married and plan on it lasting for half a century or more. Yet, DEATH comes and claims his victims.

As Christians, life after the death of a spouse is hard. We all grieve. Knowing that our loved one is up worshiping Jesus at His feet is comforting, but it doesn't fill the empty seat at the table, it doesn't warm a cold bed, or dirty extra dishes. It is exciting knowing that our loved is up there with Jesus and the saints. We can smile knowing that they have finished their race. But, we also grieve because our hearts want them back here, we want to hold, hug and love them in person. Death may be a temporary good-bye, but it is the hardest one.

On one hand you want to pray that God will heal the sick and give him 50 more years on earth with his family, because the family needs him. He is integral to daily life in the house. His presence is a comfort and joy to those around. On the other hand, you want to pray that God would release him from suffering, even if that means taking him to Heaven.

Death, is a huge subject because it is so final and it affects EVERYONE. No one is going to live forever. It is important that we know what is going to happen after this life is over. There are so many people with so many theories. When all you have to do is open the Bible and read it to know the truth.

Life...Not Always So Easy

There are days, and today is one of them where I really just want to sock it to Adam and Eve for screwing everything up. They had it made! They were living in a paradise that is better than we could ever imagine, there were able to walk around with GOD, and the food...AMAZING! And I bet Eve never got fat in The Garden. And "The Curse" the monthly visitor of every female...yeah it didn't exist.

And they RUINED it for the rest of us! All they had to do was avoid 1 little tree...they had a garden full of trees and plants, each yummier than the last. And they ruined it! I know, I know Adam and Eve get a bum rap, and I should forgive them, because God has. Still, today is one of those days where it is hard.

Life is full of so many miraculous, wonderful moments. It is full of times that take your breath away (in a good sense). Life is also full of tough times as well. Right now, I'm experiencing both and it is a conundrum.

There is so much to enjoy in my life right now: I have an amazing SO, wonderful friends that have my back through all of the ups and downs. I have a family that loves me and would (and has done) anything for me. I have a new to me car that I'm enjoying, and I have a church full of people that care. Not to mention I have a lot of exciting work on my book to do, and for the most part I'm healthy.

Yeah, I have the R.A. and I'm just getting over a bout of tonsilitis. But, I'm healthy. I can see, hear, touch, smell, swallow, run, skip, flip. Sometimes not as quickly or easily as other times, but overall I'm healthy.

As much good as there is in my life right now, there is also the flip side.

I NEED a new job, like YESTERDAY and that isn't an easy thing to find in this economy. As I was telling a friend, I find myself in the over qualified for many jobs, but under qualified and under experienced for others. Not cool. That, and waitressing is out because my joints couldn't handle a job like that. BAH HUMBUG. So, I'm applying to anything that looks like a possibility and then I'm praying. Something will turn up, God has always provided in the past, and I know HE will continue to do so. It might not be in the way I expect or want, but HE promised to take care of me.

One of my childhood friends is pregnant with her first child and right now she is praying and watching her husband fight for his life. He has a rare and deadly bacterial infection and is in a critical stage. I am also praying, and I know that prayer is HUGE. Prayer is walking up to God and saying, "Please help". Asking GOD--just take a moment to process that. Yet, it doesn't always seem like much, we humans want to DO something.

So life is good, it is very good, but not always easy.

The Economy and Public Service

One of the things that I have noticed in my life, since the economy took a turn for harder times, is that I can't afford to support as many non-profits. I wish I could, but I have to be able to support myself first before I can help others.

I was reading a blog by an army wife friend of mine and on her blog she was talking about this little boy she knows who is suffering from cancer and needs lots of blood transfusions. The stickler being that he has a rare type of blood, only 2% of the population shares his blood type, so getting enough blood is getting harder and harder, and to compound the problem, he is needing the transfusions MORE often, so as the supply is dwindling, his need is getting bigger.

Reading the blog just reminded me that yeah I don't have much in the way of money, and money is necessary, but there are so many other ways to help others in need. Right now I can't give blood, as I'm sick, and I can't go places because I have NO car, but I will in a couple of days (AMEN!) and soon I'll be able to get around.

Volunteerism is one of the cheapest ways to show the love of Christ to others. We all have talents and God wants us to use them. Some of us are gifted with numbers, so helping out at a non-profit and doing "their books" would be a huge service, then they wouldn't have to pay someone else, and that money could be used to provide the service they want to provide (be it a woman's shelter, a food pantry, an after school program, etc).

Or, we can ALL do some form of manual labor-sewing, painting, construction, cleaning. You and I may not be able to afford to buy a family their monthly groceries, but we can do things for them around the house, take them to job interviews, etc. We could help clean an older person's house.

All this to simply say that a down turned economy, school bills, doctor bills, all of that shouldn't get in our way of putting the love of Christ in action. We just need to be a little bit creative. :-)

Symbolism

Earlier today I was catching up on reading some of my favorite blogs--wanted to know what friends, profs, associates, and other bloggers were up to. And quite frankly I'm just trying to fill the time before I head off to my doctor's appointment, to figure out why my throat is getting worse and not better.

On one blog I read there was a discussion on the American flag and peace symbols, from a milspouse's POV. Ever since I read that post I've been cogitating on what the 2 ladies had to say and their thoughts behind their feelings.

Symbolism is something that we all hold dear. We all have things that symbolize something. In the Peanuts comic strip Linus' blue blanket symbolized security. For Christians, a cross necklace, or cross wall hanging symbolizes our salvation.

There are other forms of symbolism as well. I live in the South, and around here there are still many people that fly the Confederate flag. The Confederate flag can symbolize different things to different people. Some people see it as symbolizing our heritage--the strides we have made as a country. Other people see it as a symbol of oppression and slavery. The same flag, symbolizing totally different things.

The idea of symbolism makes me wonder, what symbolism am I portraying to other people when I fly my flag, or wear earring with peace signs. I love America, and I'm a huge supporter of our military--I want to do all I can to serve those that serve our country and that have said they are willing to make whatever sacrifice to keep America free and safe. That is what I want to portray, but is that the message that is coming across.

Some people see peace signs and they think about anti-war protests and those people that are anti-military. Some people see a flag and they wonder if the person flying it is genuine. Flags are a dime a dozen these days and not everyone that flies them is doing it out of a true, patriotic heart.

What are your thoughts on symbolism, and what some symbols that are important to you?

Anticipation

Once again I find myself in a state of anticipation. I'm looking forward to this weekend when my SO and I fly up to the midwest to see my sis, nephew, parents and attend the graduation party of one of my cousins. I'm looking forward to a few days out of the South.

Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Virginia. When I get back I'm going to become an official Virginian. But, it is always nice to get out of the normal and go for a short trip. Especially if that trip involves seeing family that I haven't seen in just about 1 year.

I'm also anticipating picking up my new to me car! My second ever car. It is great, beautiful and should be fun to drive, plus it has (get this...) 4 doors AND air conditioning!!!! I'm driving a pimped out car! So fancy!!!

The third thing I'm anticipating, and this is probably the biggest thing. I'm anticipating feeling better soon. My R.A. is acting up and now my throat or my tonsils, or something in that neighborhood is acting up, and that leaves me with ZERO energy and just plain feeling the yucks. No fun!

Anticipation is a good thing, it keeps us motivated on days that we just don't want to go on, but it can be a double edged sword. Anticipation can cause us to wish our lives away. We can get swept into the trap where we focus so much on what we are awaiting, that we miss the moments that God gives us in the present. That isn't a good thing.

We don't know that we will get what we are anticipating. God promises us eternity w/ Him, but He doesn't promise us our next heart beat. Anticipation can bring joy, and it is fun and good. We just need to be careful that we don't get so caught up in anticipating that we miss the here and now. Even, if what we are anticipating is Godly, we still have to handle it in a Christ honoring way.

What are you anticipating, and what are you doing to enjoy the anticipation, but to also stay grounded in the moments you have?

Pursuing Godliness #5: Worship

God calls us to worship Him, and you know what? He deserves all the worship we can offer and then some. We can't worship Him enough, compared to what He deserves. Yet, far too many Christians, or people that call themselves Christians, reserve worship for Sunday morning. Worship is more than just singing a few songs and listening to a sermon on Sunday mornings.

Worship should be a way of life. We worship God through singing, yes, but we also worship God through how we live. Are we living to bring glory to His name? Are we living to reflect Him? Are we pursing godliness in all its varied forms? All these questions and more need to be answered in the affirmative if we are to be living a lifestyle of worship.

Worship requires sacrifice. You have to give something up in order to truly worship the Savior. It may be hard in the beginning, but over time as you grow closer to Christ, you will realize that you really didn't give up something, you gained so much! People that are living worshipful lives have joy, peace, patience and love. It is not hard to recognize these people, they are the ones you are attracted to, the people that you want to spend time with because they enjoy life and their enjoyment is infectious. So, yes you may have to give up a sin or two (or more), but you gain the world, the good things that the Lord wants to lavish upon you.

This is not to say that if you truly live a life of worship you will be immune to the pain of this present world. In this world there will be trouble, and it hits Christians and non Christians alike. But, it means that in the time of trial you will not have to turn to God, because you are already there and you can feel His presence helping you through.

Worship, the Lord deserves all of it. Worship, a mark of a godly life. Worship, the path for finding an unspeakable joy!

Pursue a lifestyle of worship God and you won't want to go back!

Skirting the Line

Recently I've been thinking about sin. I know, not the happiest of topics. I don't know about you, but I know that sin is something I do everyday. No matter how hard I try, I seem to do something (or many somethings) that I know God considers to be sinful, and I hate that. I wish and pray to live a perfect life, but no matter how much I WANT to be perfect, I'm not.

And it isn't only that, but there are times that I know I'm skirting the line. I see how close I can get without actually committing a sin. That is no way to live, really. It does not please God when I walk the line and say "Ok God, you say that you want at least 10% of my money in tithes, so I'm going to grudgingly give you EXACTLY 10% and not a penny more."

That is skirting the line, seeing just what I can get away with. We all do it, maybe in different areas. One area that is easy to point out is the area of sexuality. Lots of couples that are in love, heading toward marriage will do more than maybe they should, but won't exactly have sex, so it isn't spelled out in the Bible as sin, so it is ok. Or so they tell themselves.

Or people will speed or break other traffic laws. The Bible never says, "Thou shalt not speed" so it is ok. Or, we gossip--we couch it in a prayer request, but it is still gossip.

All of this is skirting the line. God does not call us to follow a bunch of random rules. That isn't what being a Christian is all about, yet it is what many of us have it. We are modern day Pharisees.

Christianity should be about worship. We live a certain way because we are thankful for salvation, we want our lives to bear evidence of how in awe we are that God chose to make a way for us, sinful, pitiful creatures that we are, to make it to Heaven for all eternity.

NO ONE deserves Heaven, yet we all have the opportunity to go. All we have to do is accept the gift. After that, the way we live our lives, the choices we make should be made out of a desire to bring glory to Holy God, to say "thank you for everything" and to show others just how wonderful it is to be in the family of God.

I can think of numerous times this week when I failed the Lord, when I made the decision to skirt the line, in lieu of making a wiser decision, a more holy decision. Those things I've had to confess and seek forgiveness for, and hopefully I'll learn from them and tomorrow my life will be a better reflection of Christ than it was today or yesterday.

God wants us to grow, to seek to learn from our mistakes. He wants us to want to be better. I think it is awesome that God is on my side, cheering me on, encouraging me to make holier choices. He is also there to teach me when I screw up, and yes there may be consequences, but there is always forgiveness. I just wish I didn't need it so much!

I don't live my life based on a bunch of prescribed rules, that would be a lifestyle of bondage. I have freedom in Christ. I live life based on the knowledge that God is holy, moral, just, loving, perfect, etc and I want to mimic that. I don't to be as much like my Heavenly Father, my ultimate Role Model as I can be. It is more fun to live a Christ pleasing life, than to follow the emptiness of other lifestyles. It is fun because doing the Christ pleasing thing comes with joy and not guilt.

Yet, I sometimes forget that, and that is when I fall into the trap of skirting the line and dipping myself into the pond of sin. No matter how often I fall, God is there picking me up. The Holy Spirit is whispering to me, "I'll help you Child, look toward me next time. Follow me, do as I do."

In Christ,
JLK

Godly Pursuit #4: Speech

This is an area where I really struggle, so I've struggled with penning this entry. I don't want to come off as a hypocrite, but I do want to admit that it is something to pursue.

Colossians 3:8, "But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips." (NIV) We are told to cease our use of bad/naughty/unnecessary language. In other words, there is no need to hear a Christian cussing. I struggle because it seems that at times those words, and we all know them, are just so satisfying to say. I do seem to feel better when I say them. They are quite expressive, people know what you mean when you use those words.

The Bible tells me that I need to use different language. And, not just a replacement. There should be no reason that I want to cuss. I should quit, because it isn't holy. God wants us to live holy lives, to be set apart. To show the world that there is something different, and that the difference is the salvation Christ offers, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Dropping the "f-bomb" when I get hurt is not how I glorify God. Saying S**T when I'm frustrated isn't edifying, and it sure isn't any different than what a non-Christian would do.

I'm preaching more to myself today, than anyone else, because my friends know that my language can be quite colorful, but not real erudite.

Jesus commands us in Matthew 22:37 (NIV) "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."

If we honestly love God with everything, our speech will show that love, and it will be seasoned not with profanity, gossip, and lies, but with words that bring glory to Him, with words that share His gift with others.

Godly speech is not just about putting an end to cussing, though that is one area where I struggle. Godly speech is also about our conversations. Gossip isn't godly, and lies are not godly. Not only must we watch the words we use, but we need to pursue conversations that bring glory to God and that if overheard by non Christians, will turn them toward Christ, or at least make them think.

Pursue Godly speech--make it a daily habit.

In Christ,
JLK